Talk:Homeless (Darin song)/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Hahc21 (talk · contribs) 00:00, 15 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Well. Since the user is semi-retired, i'll be handling the review alone. Any help will be gladly received.

Review

First comments

Lead paragraph too large; I split it into two.
Moved sample to thcomposition section.
Deleted redundance "3:50 (3 minutes, 50 seconds)" >> "three minutes and 50 seconds."
"The song was composed in the key B minor using common time" >> "The song was composed on common time in the key..."

Prose comments

Cover

I think that this is a cover from Leona, this song was written by Jörgen Elofsson, but for Darin Zanyar, a swedish singer, in 2006 for his album "Breaking the news".

I suggest you include Darin as an original performer — Preceding unsigned comment added by Ha kam ash (talk • contribs) 22:33, 28 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Composition

"to come home to where she is waiting for him, but feels homeless without him."

Some redundant use of "him". May recommend change the second "him" with "his presence"

Done Aaron • ^{You Da One}

"The opening lyrics are "Wait here for you to call me/ For you to tell me that ev'rything's a big mistake."

Propose a change to "The song opens with Lewis singing..."; and, however, this sentence seems to be an orphan, not connected woth the rest of the paragraph. Which is the importance of it?

It's the composition section, I'm just saying what the opening lyric is. Nothing wrong with that. Aaron • ^{You Da One}

Reception

"Nick Levine for Digital Spy described Lewis's vocals in the lyric "In this cold I'm walking aimless, feeling helpless" as "a tour de force of despair and misery"

Some bad wording.

Lewis's >> Lewis'.

Done Aaron • ^{You Da One}

"Although he thought that the song was "almost unbearably bleak","

Redundant use of –though/t?

It's a comparison, so it's needed. Aaron • ^{You Da One}

The critical section is lacking some order. The sentences seemed to be separate statements rather than a whole paragraph. It needs cohesiveness between the sentences.

Tracklisting

Why it has two versions on the TL? They're musically different? Or just on different albums?

Musically different, apparently. Aaron • ^{You Da One}

Charts

"debuted at number 173 on the strength of digital download sales..."

"on the strength"?

Yep. Aaron • ^{You Da One}

That's all for now. —Hahc21 ^{[TALK][CONTRIBS]} 01:18, 15 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Verdict

Ok, nothing else to note.

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
It is reasonably well written. a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists): It is factually accurate and verifiable. a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR): It is broad in its coverage. a (major aspects): b (focused): It follows the neutral point of view policy. Fair representation without bias: It is stable. No edit wars, etc.: It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate. a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall: Pass/Fail:
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—Hahc21 ^{[TALK][CONTRIBS]} 20:00, 15 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.