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Talk:I Dream of Jesus/GA1

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GA Review

[edit]

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

I think all the elements of a good article are here in I Dream of Jesus, but there is a good deal of work that has to be done before it's ready. I've made some comments below. I still have to take a more rigorous look at the sources, so the review is not done, but I've given you enough to address here that I'm going to wait to do the rest until you address these concerns. (Please also look over the changes I've made myself to the article and make sure you're OK with those changes.) Please address each item line-by-line and I'll strike them as we go... — Hunter Kahn 01:55, 14 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

  • *I rewrote the lead a bit. Please make sure you're OK with it...
  • Since the Trashmen song "Surfin' Bird" plays such a major part in the episode, I think you should add it to the lead, along with the fact that it shot up in the iTunes chart after the episode aired.
  • Along with the ratings information that's already here, can you add exactly how many people watched the episode? (8.4 million)*Can you add the fact that Seth MacFarlane was nominated for an Emmy Award for Outstanding Voice-Over Performance for his role as Peter Griffin in this episode to the lead?
  • I think you should also add that MacFarlene chose to submit this episode along with two others because he deemed it among the edgier shows they did that year, and that this led to the show getting it's record-breaking Emmy nomination for Best Comedy Series. (See my comments in Reception for more about this.)

Plot

  • "...in a scene that pays homage to Office Space." Since you already mention to the Office Space reference in the Cultural References section, there's no need to mention it here as well. Could you please remove it?
  • "Peter is forced by Jesus to bail him out." Can you reword this? How was he forced? I'm guessing Jesus just called Peter up and asked him to bail him out, right?

Production and cultural references

  • "Ralph Garman, Danny Smith and Chris Burns guest starred in the episode." Can you please add some context as to who these people are? Can you do this in the lead as well?
  • "Chris Burns also guest starred as a waiter and a passerby." You already mention Burns in the other sentence. Perhaps you could reword this to explain who all three of the guest actors played. For example (assuming Ralph Garman and Danny Smith play themselves), "Garman and Smith portrayed themselves, while Burns played a waiter and a passerby."
  • Almost the entire paragraph lacks any sources or inline citations! You need to add those sources before this GAN has any hope of passing. I added "citation needed" tags to everything that needs one.
  • "John G. Brennan, who plays Mort Goldman, also played Mr. Taylor and a police officer." Is this information notable or necessary? It seems like it's simply a regular Family Guy voice actor playing other minor roles? If I'm wrong, we at least need to add some context as to who exactly "Mr. Taylor" is...
  • I removed the sentence "The song played throughout the episode (Peter's "favorite song of all-time") is The Trashmen's 1963 hit single "Surfin' Bird"." because I felt it was already covered in the plot section. I then moved the iTunes chart info to the first paragraph as more of a stand-alone fact. Take a look and make sure you're OK with my changes. (Note, I added a citation needed tag because it was originally part of the information that lacked citations in the second paragraph.)
  • "On the DVD commentary, it is revealed that "The Streak", by Ray Stevens..." Drop the whole "on the DVD commentary" thing, and replace it with the name of the person who actually said it...
  • Also, out of curiousity, was it actually the Ray Stevens song that was supposed to be used instead of "Surfin' Bird"? If so, can you move that information up to the first paragraph, where I moved the iTunes chart information?
  • "Heath Ledger is also referenced, though not directly..." You don't have to word it like this. It would be better to word it something like, "The reports of Jesus being found unconscious in Mary-Kate Olsen's apartment are references to Heath Ledger, who...etc. etc."
  • "...and Eddie Van Halen's Frankenstrat." Is this a reference fo Van Halen's guitar Frankenstrat? Or an album, like the other references?

Reception

  • The first reference ("CW's Sunday Slate Struggles") in this section needs to be updated with the Template:Cite web or Template:Cite news.
  • In the TV Squad bit here, you mention that they praise the "Bird is the Word" segment, but that isn't mentioned in Cultural References. Could you add it, and explain a little bit how it was used in the episode (which is lacking here in reception)?
The bird is the word is the same as surfing bird.--Pedro J. the rookie 21:02, 18 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "While there were a few entertaining moments, this episode doesn't reach as high as it could have. A bit like the straightforward and uninspired re-enactment of Star Wars in last season's Blue Harvest, this episode doesn't quite live up to the grandeur of the theme. Jesus on Family Guy should have been a big deal and featured far more laughs than it did. It's not bad by any means, but certainly not the greatest effort by the writing team." You use this whole quote, and it's too long. Can you use only the best part of the quote and paraphrase the rest? Also, try not to forget to italicize things like "Star Wars" and "Family Guy" like you did here...
    • You responded to this comment by simply parts of the quote in a way that is not acceptable. You can't just cut parts of the quote and then keep some without adding [...] or breaking apart the quote a bit. I've fixed it, but keep this in mind for the future.
  • "L. Brent Bozell III of the Parents Television Council, a common critic of the show, took offense at this episode's portrayal of Jesus." This is actually really interesting, and looking at the quote, it appears you could write a lot more than just this one sentence about it. Could you expand a little on Bozell's complaints?

Reception

  • "...but lost to Dan Castellaneta." Can you add for what role (Homer Simpson) and what episode Castellaneta won?
  • If you're going to mention that MacFarlene lost to Castellaneta at the Emmy, you should also mention that he lost to Ahmed Best at the Annie Award. "The series was ultimately nominated for the award, the first time in 48 years an animated series was nominated for the same category..." What award are you talking about exactly? You mean the Emmy nomination for Best Comedy Series? Could you make that more clear here? In fact, the fact that "I Dream of Jesus" of three Family Guy episodes that was nominated the year the show got that record-breaking nomination is a big deal, and should be emphasized more in this section.*"Following the first showing of the episode in the UK in April 2009, "Surfin' Bird" entered the singles chart for the first time (having failed to chart when first released there in 1964), reaching #50." This should be moved to the first paragraph in "Production and Cultural References", where other information about the song current is.

I'm placing the article on hold for now. Once the above concerns are addressed, I'll continue my review... — Hunter Kahn 01:55, 14 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Tell me how it looks. --Pedro J. the rookie 02:49, 25 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Tell me what more is to do as i get confused . --Pedro J. the rookie 20:48, 28 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

GA Checklist

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GA review (see here for criteria)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose): b (MoS):
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:
    Nice work! That's a pass! — Hunter Kahn 21:33, 28 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]
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