Talk:Ike Davis/GA1

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GA Review[edit]

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Reviewer: Staxringold talkcontribs 23:07, 26 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for criteria)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
    My biggest and first prose concern is the lead. According to WP:LEADCITE the only cites that belong in the lead for BLPs are those for contentious facts, and more generally the lead should only be repeating what appears in the body (refs 2, 5, 7, and 8 are unused outside of the lead). My #1 thing would be migrating the citations from the lead into the body and ensuring that all the material discussed in the lead is covered (and cited) in the article body). Then some smaller prose stuff:
  • Several odd linking things. Why is Baseball America linked in prose but not in the lead? In fact why is nothing in the lead linked after the 1st para? Staxringold talkcontribs 23:54, 26 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • To the above, this needs at least some prose work to be accessible to non-baseball people. What is batting average? What is an RBI (what does it even stand for)? Ditto for ERA. What's a "power relief pitcher"? Positions/terms need to be linked on first use and abbreviations need to be in full form the first time with the parenthetical abbrev. to make clear. These are by no means the only ones, please give it a read-through and try to fill them in. Staxringold talkcontribs 23:54, 26 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • "But as his father retired when he was 2, his memories are mostly of old-timers' games, such as the one in which he met Derek Jeter when he was 12." Reads very strangely. Try "However his father retired when he was 2 so he mostly remembers old-timers' games..." Staxringold talkcontribs 23:54, 26 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • "His first name is actually Isaac" I would say "Davis' first name is actually.." As it's somewhat unclear who the his is here. And this sentence needs cleanup, streamline by removing the "as". Staxringold talkcontribs 23:54, 26 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • "In 2003, he also pitched for the U.S.A. Youth National Team (16-under) in international play, as they won the gold medal in the International Baseball Federation XI "AA" World Youth Championships in Taiwan, and in 2004 he played on the U.S.A. Junior National Team (18-under)." Holy runon Batman. There are at least two sentences in there. Staxringold talkcontribs 23:54, 26 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • "By November 2004 he was already 6' 4" and 194 pounds." I would include his age, as I don't know what this means by itself (have to go digging back for his birthdate). Staxringold talkcontribs 23:54, 26 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Davis chose to attend Arizona State University (ASU), picking it over Texas" Which Texas (needs a link)? Staxringold talkcontribs 23:54, 26 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • Addressed. He/article was unclear, so I just deleted it, as at this point it is not terribly material.--Epeefleche (talk) 16:52, 28 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • "He spent the first part of the summer of 2006 with Team USA, and then played in only 22 games for the Anchorage Bucs of the Alaska Baseball League, but was still named the # 10 prospect in the league by Baseball America." I would get rid of the whole bit trying to make it sound odd/impressive that he was highly ranked despite limited play. Just ", played 22 games for the Anchorage Bucs..., and was named" Staxringold talkcontribs 23:54, 26 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • "He received fatherly advice from his dad, who had played in New York City for the Yankees for four seasons, going 27–10 with 22 saves primarily as the setup man for Rich Gossage: "He just said they've got the best fans, and it's a blast because every game is live or die for them," Ike Davis said." Another big run-on. Can definitely cut out most of the dad stuff (put his stats up in Family when you first mention his dad was a player) and make the quote a separate sentence. Staxringold talkcontribs 23:54, 26 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • "He didn't stay in the minor leagues long." Watch out for sentences like this. Wikipedia is an encyclopedia, not a storybook. Prose shouldn't be written to build drama. Staxringold talkcontribs 23:54, 26 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • "A gifted, slick-fielding defensive first baseman, in 3 of his first 21 games he made spectacular catches of foul pop-ups, bracing himself against the railing in front of the first base dugout, and then flipping over the railing as he caught the ball." All 3 were rail-flippers?
  • Amazingly, yes. "Davis has played in 21 major league games, all but five in Citi Field. In three of those games, Davis had made spectacular catches of foul pop-ups while flipping over the railing in front of the Mets’ dugout. So far, he has not been injured."[1]
  • "Within a month of his debut, he had become a fan favorite, and "I Like Ike" banners began appearing at Citi Field, a phrase that harks back to the decades-prior presidential campaigns of Dwight D. Eisenhower." Another run on. I'd put a period after fan favorite. Also things like "harks back" are unneeded. Just "'I Like Ike' banners began appearing at Citi Field, a phrase once used in the presidential campaigns of Dwight Eisenhower." Staxringold talkcontribs 23:54, 26 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • Hi. Is this really necessary? I've been told in prior GAs, including one this past month, that it was not -- as long as I ensure (as here) that the refs elsewhere in the article cover it. I would rather not only because I'm sensitive to the sea of footnotes distracting within the article, and would not want to needlessly add more. But -- if you say it is required, I'll do it. Tx.--Epeefleche (talk) 17:20, 29 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  1. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
  • Refs 27, 28, 41, 42, 50, 52, 58, 59, 65, 66, 73, 74, 78, 80, 96, 100 are all marked as dead. That's pretty serious. Staxringold talkcontribs 23:54, 26 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • Addressed. This happens when the cites are input as the articles are fresh, and the publisher then moves them to archives.--Epeefleche (talk) 16:52, 28 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  1. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
  2. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  3. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  4. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
  5. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:
  • Last little comment, could you take a look at the Minor and Major League sections and try to combine some of the short paragraphs together where appropriate? Right now it looks like a lot of short paragraphs. Thanks! Staxringold talkcontribs 17:35, 29 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • Thanks. Let me know if my efforts were sufficient. There are still a couple, but the breaks in focus from the prior/preceding paras seemed large enough to warrant them. Let me know if you agree. Best.--Epeefleche (talk) 18:05, 29 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]
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