Talk:Invincible (Michael Jackson album)/GA1

GA Review[edit]

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Reviewer: –MuZemike 18:57, 15 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Prose issues

Throughout the article, the title of the article Invincible is mentioned way too much; for example, in the third paragraph in the "Conception" section, the title is mentioned five times. You need to substitute some of those with common nouns or even pronouns like "the album" or "it".

Done Crystal Clear x3 20:14, 15 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

The third paragraph in the "Chart and commercial performance" section could use the same thing. –MuZemike 22:25, 18 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Done Crystal Clear x3 00:03, 19 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Please review the grammar again throughout the article, as you have quite a bit of puncutation usage issues, especially comma usage (i.e. many uses of "and" as a coordinating conjunction do not have commas preceding them); there are also quite a few comma splices in there.

User:Pyrrhus16 has done a copy-edit on the article. Crystal Clear x3 00:39, 17 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

"Conception" section
- Last sentence in the first paragraph: Prior to the release of Invincible ... looked at as Jackson's 'career come back. - the sentence is a bit too long-winded with that past part leading to Invincible often being ... really dragging it on. I'd break that part into a separate sentence.

Done Crystal Clear x3 20:05, 15 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

You have a couple of instances of the verb "state" in there, which may come off as editorializing. I'd substitute that for "said", "noted", or "mentioned"; all of which sounds more neutral.

Done Crystal Clear x3 00:10, 19 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I would like to see a couple of those quotes in the "Critical and public reception" paraphrased instead is taken directly from the sources.

Done Crystal Clear x3 17:01, 19 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Verifiability concerns

In the "review scores" box, Q magazine's link for their rating on the album [1] is no longer working. If you can't find that link again on that site, I think it could be easily removed.

Done Crystal Clear x3 20:01, 15 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

In the "Conception" section, last sentence, third paragraph: The cover of Invincible ... have been discontinued. → Is completely unsourced. A reference is needed in there to back this claim.

Fixed Crystal Clear x3 20:02, 15 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Coverage concerns

Probably one thing that I find is missing overall is how the album sold or how often it was played following Jackson's death in June 2009. I see you mention the sales of Invincible in 2009, which is likely due to his death. Could you link to that if possible, and/or can you provide anything else about Invincible that happened as a result of his death?

I've added mention of the album's single "You Rock My World" re-entering charts and noted that the other single's did not chart after his death. I have not been able to find any reliable source stating how many units were sold when the album re-entered music charts worldwide, I have only been able to find sources reporting on the album's chart position's. After Jackson's death nothing special happened to his music, i.e. none of his album's were added into things like the Grammy Hall of Fame or the Rock Roll Hall of Fame, and aside from the Number One's album, his music did not receive any awards or nomination's. Crystal Clear x3 20:42, 19 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Conclusions

On hold pending the improvements above. In particular, the prose still needs quite a bit of work, which I think is the biggest issue currently; this could possibly be fixed, and that's why I've chosen to place on hold as opposed to outright failing. See how to improve your writing as well as avoiding "noun plus '-ing'" for two excellent pages describing how you can improve your writing. Also for future prospective GAN's, it helps to get a peer review in before sending it to GAN so that all the I's are dotted and T's crossed beforehand. (We all know the same applies to WP:FAC also.) If I find any other issues, I'll post above. –MuZemike 18:57, 15 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comment - I've given the article a copyedit. Pyrrhus16 21:26, 16 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I've noted a couple more things above after going through the prose a second time and through the sources. –MuZemike 22:25, 18 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Passed – Everything that I mentioned was adequately addressed. Remember to keep in mind when to use apostrophes with regards to possessive nouns, as I had to correct a few instances in which you confused their usage. Anyways, good work. –MuZemike 01:49, 20 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks, : ) Crystal Clear x3 04:37, 20 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]