Talk:Jadovno concentration camp/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Curly Turkey (talk · contribs) 06:13, 12 November 2013 (UTC)

Prose

Feel free to disagree with any of the following feedback—it's not my intention to force a particular style on any article, and of course I may make honest mistakes.

Lead

• located in the Independent State of Croatia: "located" is redundant

Removed.

• located on the territory of the NDH: "in the territory of the NDH"

Changed to in the NDH.

• Established by a secluded area: unless it was beside the secluded area, you mean "Established in a secluded area"

Fixed.

• and the fact that some of these: "some of them"

Fixed.

• since 2009 and 24 June: need a comma after "2009"

Added.

• The construction of a new monument is planned.: As of?

Added as of 2013.

Background

• almost all of modern-day: "most of modern"

Done.

• modern-day: I'd shorten these all to "modern"

Done.

• "Italian-German quasi-protectorate.": Why the quotes? I'd drop them unless you have a really good reaon; if you keep them, the period needs to be outside the quote marks.

I've kept the quotes because other GAs that describe the NDH as such use them. Moved the period.

• subsequently implemented genocidal policies: "subsequently" is redundant

Removed.

• the Serb, Jewish and Roma population: "populations"

Done.

• within the borders of the new state: "the borders" is redundant

Removed.

• were then committed: "then" is redundant

Removed.

• cruely: "cruelty"

Fixed.

• The Cyrillic script was subsequently banned,: "subsequently" is unnecessary; I'd link as "Cyrillic script" rather than "Cyrillic script"

Done.

• for identification purposes: "purposes" is redundant

Removed.

Establishment

• located on the territory of the NDH during the war: "located in the NDH during the war"

Done.

Inmates

• included Ivica Hiršl, the mayor of the town of Koprivnica: was Ivica Hiršl the mayor of the town of Koprivnica, or were these two people? If Hiršl was the mayor, I'd reword it "included the mayor of Koprivnica Ivica Hiršl". Either way, drop "the town of"—we know that a mayor heads a municipality

Fixed.

Operation

• some up to 300 feet deep: I'm surprised to see this in Imperial measures, especially with "one kilometer away" in the same paragraph. At the very least, can we get a {{convert}}?

Done. What do you think?

• almost no food and until exhaustion: drop "and"

Done.

• was located five kilometers: "located" is unnecassary

Removed.

• inmates would be bound ... victims would be murdered ... inmates would be pushed ... hand grenades would be hurtled ... etc.: "would be" to "were"

Fixed.

• All of the pits: drop "All of"

Done.

• handed over to the Italians: delink—"Kingdom of Italy" is already linked in the article

Done.

Aftermath

• where bodies were disposed: "disposed of"

Done.

• filled with concrete by: delink "concrete" as per WP:OVERLINK

Done.

Death toll

• Paul Mojzes: who is Paul Mojzes? Why should we care about his numbers? A qualifier such as "historian Paul Mojzes", "social scientist Paul Mojzes" is needed

Added.

• with estimates of the number of Jewish deaths ranging ... with the final death toll most likely totalling: take a look at WP:PLUSING

Fixed.

Commemoration

• before being removed in 1990.: any reason given for its removal?

Added that it was just prior to the outbreak of the war in Croatia in the 90's (ethnic tensions, etc.)

Refs

• Sources in non-English languages should be marked as such. As you're using the {{cite book}} template, you should use the "|language=" parameter

Done.

• For books that predate ISBN, you can usually track down an OCLC number (e.g. for Pavelić)

Added.

• DISCLOSURE: I haven't checked the sources directly, as I can see 23 editor is an experienced editor, nothing in the text made me suspicious, and many of the sources are in a language I don't understand.

Images

• Three images; all have free licenses and are properly tagged.

———Curly Turkey (gobble) 08:40, 12 November 2013 (UTC)

Passed. This looks like a Good Article to me! Curly Turkey (gobble) 03:34, 13 November 2013 (UTC)