Talk:Jamaica at the 1988 Winter Olympics/GA1

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Reviewer: Harrias (talk · contribs) 15:16, 17 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]

All in all, this seems to be a pretty decent article. I think that it currently falls short of the Good article criteria on a number of technical grounds, but in terms of content, it seems to be mostly there. I will take the review through section by section to try and help improve it to Good article status.

Lead
  • I think this section needs an expansion to two paragraphs, with a little bit more detail (though too much more would just repeat the same details.) It would probably be worth stating in a second paragraph that: The two-man team, Joe Bloggs and Frank Smith placed xxth, and the four man team, comprising Joe Bloggs, Frank Smith, Jim Bob and Simon Says finished yyth after flipping their bobsleigh on their third run. (Or something like that.)
  • I would suggest that Bobsledding should not be capitalised, and I would prefer a consistent use of either bobsled or bobsleigh throughout the article, rather than the current mix.
  • Changed to bobsleigh throughout as that's what the Wiki article is listed as. Miyagawa (talk) 11:03, 19 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I will continue the review later. Harrias talk 15:24, 17 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Bobsleigh
  • This section should start with a bit of background, repeating the fact that Jamaica had never competed at the Winter Olympics before, though it might be worth mentioning that they were regular participants in the Summer Olympics.
  • "..and agreement was reached.." – this would read better as "..and an agreement was reached.."
  • "The first event to take place was the two-man bobsleigh.." – I haven't checked, but I suspect that this wasn't the first event of the Olympics, so it would probably be worth clarifying that it was merely the first event that Jamaica were competing in.
  • Yep, changed as suggested - that was what I meant. Miyagawa (talk) 11:03, 19 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The improved in the second run, moving up to 22nd place.." – Presumably should be "They improved.."
  • "..and so picked up on the Jamaican bobsleigh team.." – Doesn't seem to be a "professional level of English" perhaps change to "and chose to focus on the Jamaican bobsleigh team.." or similar.
  • "In the second run, the place second from last, .." – The second half of this doesn't make any sense to me. Is it meant to read "In the second run, they placed second from last, .." ?
  • Similarly "with White having trouble sitting down in the sled resulting in him being almost upright until halfway through the run." doesn't read very well. Maybe try something like: "On their second attempt, the team ranked second to last, due in part to White struggling to crouch down properly in his seat, remaining sat almost upright through the first corner."
  • "Stokes lost control of the bobsleigh and it careened into the wall of the track, and flipping over on top of the four athletes." – Should be "flipped" not "flipping".
  • "to the run of the track" – I don't know what this means?

A little more information on the formation of the idea, in terms of Fitch and Maloney's idea, along with the coaching of Sepp Haidacher might be an idea, as well as the fact that the US media picked up on the team before the Olympics even started. There is a fair bit more information on the Crashing Start page that I think should be included in the article for completeness. Harrias talk 09:42, 19 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • Ok, I've expanded the first two paragraphs (well former first two paragraphs) and added a background section as suggested to the start of the article. Miyagawa (talk) 19:11, 23 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
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