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Talk:Jason Kipnis/GA1

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GA Review[edit]

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Reviewer: Muboshgu (talk · contribs) 19:36, 23 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Dablinks
  • None
External links
Lead
Early life
High school
College
Minor leagues
Major leagues
  • Why is it mentioned that Al Rosen was an MVP? This isn't Rosen's bio, people can click on the link if they want to know more about him
  • The 2012 season is woefully inadequate. You have two sentences, each about single games. Surely other things happened in the other 160 games that fit into the story. What were his numbers in 2011? 2012? Is he the starter, or a backup?
Personal life
  • Also lacking. Does he have a significant other? Where does he live during the offseason? What else does he do?

On hold. – Muboshgu (talk) 20:21, 23 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I have addressed all your comments. Let me know if there's anything else I can do!--Astros4477 (talk) 02:43, 25 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
It's not my review, but "Additionally" followed by his nickname is not related at all to his Jewish ancestry. Since the nickname perhaps allows the reader to better understand his playing style, I would think it would be better placed in the lead or MLB career section. The nickname was not given by a relative, friend, or anything like that. "Outside of baseball" is redundant, as the section is already titled "personal life." Zepppep (talk) 01:24, 28 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Feel free to comment on anything, the more help the better. I have removed the additionally wording and the outside of baseball sentence.--Astros4477 (talk) 04:09, 28 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Re-reviewing now. – Muboshgu (talk) 21:49, 28 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • Still not liking the lead. It should summarize the individual by hitting all of the important points, while not mentioning some less important points that go in the body. The intro paragraph should be more of an overview, with less specifics, which can go in the second (and/or third, if there is one) paragraph. Some of the details in the lead are excessive. That the Padres drafted Kipnis, but he did not sign, is not important enough to his bio to include in the lead.

Sorry for the delay, but I will pass this now. My comments have been addressed. – Muboshgu (talk) 00:29, 6 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]