Talk:Jayne Mansfield/GA1

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Reviewer: TonyTheTiger (talk · contribs) 23:13, 10 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

WP:LEAD
✓ Done. Re-sequenced in chronological order. Aditya(talk • contribs) 10:34, 19 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • I will reassess whether the LEAD adequately summarizes the article upon further review. Meanwhile, make sure that each section is summarized in the LEAD.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 05:51, 12 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Check, please. I have made some changes to the lede. Aditya(talk • contribs) 12:30, 15 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Early life
  • "Mansfield's desire to become an actress developed at an early age." is ambiguous given the sentence it is following with her mother as a subject.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 06:10, 12 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
✓ Done. Removed. Aditya(talk • contribs) 10:34, 19 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • This sounds redundant: "...he agreed to move to Los Angeles in late 1954 to help further her career.[10] In 1954, they moved to Los Angeles..."--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 06:10, 12 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
✓ Done. Removed. Aditya(talk • contribs) 10:34, 19 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "She posed nude for the February 1955 issue of Playboy, an event that helped to push the magazine's circulation[11] and launch Mansfield's career." - I think the reader needs to know that this was a fledgling magazine started in 1953.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 06:10, 12 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
✓ Done. Info added. Aditya(talk • contribs) 10:34, 19 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Can you cite the kitchen table.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 16:01, 19 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
✓ Done. Aditya(talk • contribs) 15:41, 21 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Thoroughly reworked. I hope all the issues are addressed now, including some that I noticed. Aditya(talk • contribs) 08:34, 16 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Mid-1950s
Done. Aditya(talk • contribs) 09:28, 15 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Late 1950s
  • "The film features some early performances from..." were these all acting performances (many of these performers are notable as singers)?--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 05:55, 14 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
✓ Done. Corrected info. Aditya(talk • contribs) 10:34, 19 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Kiss Them for Me was a box office disappointment and would prove to be Mansfield's final starring role in a mainstream Hollywood studio film." and "The Sheriff of Fractured Jaw was a success; it was her last mainstream successful film." are very similar statements. Are they both correct?--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 05:55, 14 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
✓ Done. Corrected info. Aditya(talk • contribs) 10:34, 19 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Stage work
Synergistic style now. Aditya(talk • contribs) 11:49, 19 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I don't know what you mean.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 16:07, 19 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Striking the comment does not help me understand your progress on this subject.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 16:17, 21 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
✓. Throughout the text it now reads .", ,", and "?. Done in consultation with MOS:LQ. Aditya(talk • contribs) 04:49, 22 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I think you have got this right now. If this goes to WP:FAC we will find out.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 06:12, 22 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
✓ Done. Along with the rest of the article. Aditya(talk • contribs) 10:34, 19 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Done, apart from linking Rock Hunter. The two links are so far apart that one hardly can remember it was linked earlier. Also, didn't understand the second point. Aditya(talk • contribs) 09:28, 15 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Recordings
  • link bouffant since a lot of readers might not recognize the term.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 08:04, 14 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • You have referenced The New York Times several times without including the critics in the text. If any of them are notable enough to have WP bios please include them. This goes for any other periodical as well.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 08:04, 14 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
✓ Done. All available wikibios linked. Aditya(talk • contribs) 11:49, 19 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
✓ Done. Wikilinked. Aditya(talk • contribs) 10:34, 19 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Done. Still working on names of critics. Aditya(talk • contribs) 12:38, 15 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Television
✓ Done. Aditya(talk • contribs) 11:53, 19 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks. All issues are addressable. Can I have a few days time to work on them? Aditya(talk • contribs) 05:51, 15 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • I am still working through the article. I am not nearly done. You can see my comments are by section. You should be able to tell how far along I am. Feel free to start addressing concerns. Respond beneath each individual concern. I will strike as they are resolved once I have finished going through the article.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 06:37, 15 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Personal life
  • "At the time of her death, Mansfield was accompanied by Sam Brody, her married divorce lawyer and lover at the time." need two citations to document accompaniment and lawyer/lover.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 06:21, 16 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
✓ Done. Ref added. Aditya(talk • contribs) 10:34, 19 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
First marriage
✓ Done. Aditya(talk • contribs) 10:34, 19 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
✓ Done. Aditya(talk • contribs) 10:34, 19 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
✓ Done. Aditya(talk • contribs) 10:34, 19 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Second marriage
✓ Done. Aditya(talk • contribs) 10:34, 19 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
✓ Done. Re-sequenced in chronological order. Aditya(talk • contribs) 10:34, 19 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Legacy
✓ Done. Aditya(talk • contribs) 10:34, 19 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Can you convert to millions of dollars ($X.X million in 2012 dollars) instead of to dollars.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 16:33, 19 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
✓ Done. Converted to millions of dollars. Aditya(talk • contribs) 10:21, 22 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
A few more days for the text is all I require. Aditya(talk • contribs) 13:27, 17 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Images
✓ Done. Aditya(talk • contribs) 11:49, 19 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
✓ Done. Removed and notified. Aditya(talk • contribs) 04:49, 22 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
✓ Done. Aditya(talk • contribs) 11:49, 19 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
✓ Done. Aditya(talk • contribs) 11:49, 19 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
✓ Done. Aditya(talk • contribs) 11:49, 19 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Getting to the images might take slightly more time, as these images were uploaded, discussed ad valideted by other editors. Alternatively, do you think I can take them to some forum and have them checked? Aditya(talk • contribs) 13:27, 17 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Only the second one needs a review. Try Wikipedia:Non-free content review or Wikipedia:Copyright problems.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 15:07, 17 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
✓ Done. But, are you sure you need that for published works of art? Aditya(talk • contribs) 10:18, 22 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Not sure.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 14:57, 22 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Great editorial work. You may want to try to move a few images over to the left for variety while keeping in mind the accessibility rules about not doing so directly under level three headers or higher. Other than that, I am quite satisfied. I am going to PASS this article now.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 14:57, 22 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
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