Talk:Jonathan Krohn/GA1

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GA Review[edit]

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Infobox

  • Nationality should be "American"

Lead

Early life

  • in my opinion the section could be names just "Life", because he's still in his early life, but that's a question of taste
    • I guess my feeling is that this section was about his pre-CPAC speech career, that's why I called it early life. I don't think "Life" is the ideal name because, obviously, the speech and post-speech career are part of his life too. lol. Can you think of any other alternative title besides Early Life? — Hunter Kahn 16:01, 3 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • the section could mention that he is an only kid, home-schooled since sixth grade and has experience as an actor in Christian Youth Theater, which is in the NYT source; that makes, among other things, the Arabic language stuff and the performance more understandable
    • OK, please let me know if you think how I did it is alright. — Hunter Kahn 16:01, 3 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • the NYT source doesn't say he was raised in the suburbs, just that he lives there
  • the Huffingtonpost source text doesn't contain the mention of his appearance on "The Life Connection Show" and neither does the audio recording - perhaps the Madison Journal source is meant?
    • Indeed. Fixed the citation. — Hunter Kahn 16:01, 3 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • the NYT source indicates he still studies Arabic so it's not in the past
    • Are you saying this because I used the word "studied" instead of "studies"? That's just the tense that's used throughout, which I thought was proper. Wouldn't it be inconsistent for me to say "studies Arabic"?
  • what does his website reference in the sentence about "Atlanta's Most Talented Child"? it seems completely sourced by HuffPo
    • Hmm...you're right. I'm not sure why I used the website cite. lol. It's gone. — Hunter Kahn 16:01, 3 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • both the NYT and Krohn on Air America say he began becoming interested in politics aged eight, not nine, and it's not mentioned that he watched coverage, only heard about it (per NYT) and listened to conservative radio (per AA interview)
    • Yeah, the nine thing seems to just be an error on my part. I fixed it, and dropped the AA interview (as per below) because the NYT source covers it..
  • using the AA interview to source is imo a little problematic in that it's a primary source and a lot the info is in published third party sources
    • I've cut the interview for everything except the fact that DeMint is one of his heroes, as I don't think that info is available anywhere else. Not the most crucial of facts though so if you think it has to be cut, I'll cut it. What do you think? — Hunter Kahn 16:01, 3 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • The Atlanta Journal-Constitution doesn't say his book was written "in part a response to criticism" - there is no qualification like this there, so if there needs to be one, another source should be added for it
    • The source says "In the book, he attempted to define conservatism after he heard so many decrying McCain’s conservative credentials." I think the wording "in part a response to criticism" reflects this, but if you think it needs to be reworded, what would you suggest I change it to? — Hunter Kahn 16:01, 3 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • second book: "focus in part on" is not in the source, only "have more on", which doesn't say a lot about whether they'll be central to the book, but that's a minor point
    • Well, since the source doesn't say how central they will be to the book, I felt like the "focus in part on" wording was sufficient neutral to cover our bases. I can't say definitively from that story that it will be covered a lot or a little, but I can say they will be focused in part on because no matter to what degree they are discussed, it will be part of the book. Do you know what I mean? If you still object, I'm not sure what I could change it to without dropping it altogether, which I guess I could do. (I can't say "It will be about Alexander Hamilton and James Monroe", because that makes it sound like the whole book is about them). Any suggestions? — Hunter Kahn 16:01, 3 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

2009 CPAC speech

  • David Keene, Ronald Reagon, Doogie Houser, and purple nurples should not be linked in quotations per MOS:QUOTE
  • "The speech attracted the attention of national media outlets." is not in the source unless HuffPo is meant as a national media outlet, which would be only one and make the mention superfluous because it's named right after
    • I added the NY Times sources for this one. Do you think this is right? I think its covered by the two paragraphs that start with "As video of the speech coursed through the Internet..." and "In less than a week, Jonathan appeared on “Fox and Friends” and CNN, and..." — Hunter Kahn 16:01, 3 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Sam Stein of The Huffington Post, said" needs to remove the comma
  • "In the days following the conference" - not in the source, source doesn't connect mail with appearance at CPAC or any other event specifically
    • I just changed it to after the conference. Good? — Hunter Kahn 16:01, 3 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Both insist their interest in politics is small" - not in the source, the source says only that he has his developed interest in politics on his own
  • "dozens" is a weird count for "lost count of the number", why not "many" or something similar
  • "requested an audience"? he's not a royal, right? :-)
    • lol. Changed it to "asked to meet with him". — Hunter Kahn 16:01, 3 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "because." dot needs removal
  • Daily Show clip can be linked: http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/mon-march-2-2009/cpac-after-party
  • Stewart is not correctly quoted and should be corrected using the clip
    • I think someone must have changed it because I'm quite sure I had the original "nurple purple enough" wording in the past, because I thought it was hilarious. lol. Fixed. — Hunter Kahn 16:01, 3 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • I think it's "precocious teenage conservative firebrand" or at least the "Conservative" should lose its capitalization
  • there's no reason to bolden "Lisa De Pasquale, ..."

Post-speech career

References

  • citations need accessdates
  • date format should be uniform, I suggest using a mdy format as used for his birthday
    • OK, I think it's uniform now. — Hunter Kahn 03:29, 4 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

External links

  • TPM has a questionable claim for hosting C-SPAN material, so I'm not sure linking to it is fine, perhaps the C-SPAN original can be found? I couldn't locate it on the fly
    • I couldn't either. I've removed the link, and may look for the original some more in the future. — Hunter Kahn 04:21, 4 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Categories

  • his Baptism should be sourced in the article, the NYT is a possibility, and he could also be mentioned to be a Jewish Christian and one can probably use Category:Maternal Jews
    • I've added a bit to the article to reflect his Baptism and that he is a Jewish Christian. I think it's OK but take a look. I've also added the category.
  • a French article doesn't exist, so no need to have a link to it
  • Persondata need to be added
    • I added his parents to the infobox. What else should be added? — Hunter Kahn 03:29, 4 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Only a note: I think the article culd probably be expanded with info in the RS mentioned in http://www.defineconservatism.com/index.php/in-the-press and, if Fox News is used, the other videos under http://www.foxnews.com/search-results/search?q=krohn&content=Video

  • I've expanded it a bit, let me know if you think it needs more. Thanks! — Hunter Kahn 04:21, 4 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I'll put the article on hold. Hekerui (talk) 17:09, 2 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  • I ran out of time before I had to go somewhere, so I will finish the rest of these tonight. Thanks! — Hunter Kahn 16:01, 3 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • Ok, I think I got it all, but let me know if you think more is needed — Hunter Kahn 04:21, 4 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]
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