Talk:Kanika Kapoor/GA1

GA Review[edit]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Cartoon network freak (talk · contribs) 07:01, 15 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Hi there! I'm Cartoon network freak and I'm going to review this soon. Best regards, Cartoon network freak (talk) 07:01, 15 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Lead[edit]

for the Hindi language films → remove "the" as it's overfluous
Through her successful singing career → Throughout her career (per fancruft)
always aspired to pursue a career in singing → showed interest in music from a young age
She has three children and got divorce from Raj in 2012 and relocated to Mumbai to become a singer. → Kapoor has three children and got divorced from Raj in 2012, which led to her relocating in Mumbai to become a singer.
was for a music video, which became a huge commercial success. → it's not clear what you mean by 'it was for a music video' – did it receive a promoting clip, which became a huge commercial success → which experienced commercial success
Upon its release, "Baby Doll" went viral and topped the charts and Kapoor received wide critical acclaim for her singing style as well as earned several awards, including the Filmfare Award for Best Female Playback Singer. → Upon its release, the track was similarly acclaimed commercially and by music critics, including it earning the Filmfare Award for Best Female Playback Singer for her.
Kapoor subsequently earned more success by singing one of the Hindi cinema's top charted songs, including "Lovely" and "Kamlee" for the film Happy New Year (2014), "Chittiyaan Kalaiyaan" for the film Roy (2015), "Desi Look" for the film Ek Paheli Leela (2015), "Nachan Farrate" for the film All Is Well (2015), "Jugni Peeke Tight Hai" for the film Kis Kisko Pyaar Karoon (2015), "Jab Chaye Tera Jadoo" for the film Main Aur Charles (2015), "Neendein Khul Jaati Hain" for the film Hate Story 3 (2015) and "Premika" for the film Dilwale (2015), the later of these rank among one of the highest-grossing Bollywood film. → There's too much fancruft in the leading piece of this, and the enumeration of films verbally doesn't make any sense; please re-word.

Infobox[edit]

Write first music genre with a capital letter
We need sources for the genres, her labels...

Early and personal life[edit]

brought up → raised up
Kapoor's family → Her family (to avoid word repetitions)
under musician → with musician
Kapoor participated → The singer also participated
in Lucknow. She then moved → in Lucknow, and subsequently moved
married to → married
Set comma after "businessman"
Kapoor separated → The singer got separated
two instances of the word "moved" repetitively
her parents home → her parents' home

Career[edit]

released the music video "Jugni Ji" → released an accompanying music video for "Jugni Ji"
was the remix version of the Pakistani Sufi song → was a remix version of Pakistani Sufi's
one of the biggest singles of 2012 → fancruft; it wasn't really that successful
debut.The → leave required space
and topped the charts with winning Mirchi Music Award → and was commercially successful, with it winning a Mirchi Music Award
of the Year" award → Remove "award"
major success → plural form
there's too often a word repetition caused by the word "song"; try alternating to "recording", "track", "single" etc.
The same with "she"; try alternating with "Kapoor", "the singer" etc.
the female artisans → remove "the"
and develop → and to develop
became a huge critical and commercial success → making such statements isn't good for GA status as of fancruft
collaborated third time → collaborated a third time
collaborating fourth time → same as above
arranges and take part → arranges and take's part
one of them which is with → one of them being

Awards[edit]

Aren't there also nominations for the singer?
Use a table format for the awards (example here)
single 'Teddy Bear' → single "Teddy Bear"

Outcome[edit]

I'm extremely sorry to fail this, but there are just too many problems with this article. First of all, the text doesn't flow through repeated word repetitions, clipped sentences (She XY. She XY. She XY), and poor grammar (not as often). Additionally, there are sources missing for some statements, including the infobox. Overall, the page is of C status (changed from Start class), but it has a long way to go in order to be promoted to GA. I suggest you to take this to Wikipedia:Guild of copyeditors and let one users correct further issues on the article. If you have any questions during the process, you can ask me whatever you want, but as this article stands now, this is a quick fail. Best regards, Cartoon network freak (talk) 22:28, 31 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.