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Talk:Kermit Washington/GA1

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GA Review

[edit]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.


Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Brad78 (talk) 00:33, 15 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Lead
College
Professional
  • "and found that finding" Found and finding are the same verb. Makes this sentence clunky and difficult to understand.
  • "Newell was often seen as a kind, gentlemanly person, who is generally considered one of the most important figures in the history of the game of basketball." Mixes tenses "was" and "is".
Punch
  • "What happens next is in dispute:" Again changes tense. Should be in past tense; happened. The same with what follows for much of the rest of the paragraph.
  • "Washington saw Tomjanovich running toward the altercation." Feinstein makes a point in his book "The Punch" to emphasis that Washington was unaware of who was behind him; Washington's instincts, bred from his hard upbringing, caused him to turn and punch whomever he heard coming up behind him. — Preceding unsigned comment added by 207.58.228.18 (talk) 13:36, 18 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Aftermath
  • "Worsening matters for Washington, the only available replay of the incident showed only his punch, not the scuffle that had preceded it." This sentence doesn't appear to have a main verb. I'd suggest re-structuring to put the latter half first; I particularly don't understand the first phrase.
  • "This had made the attack appear unprovoked." Tense: This made.
  • "On-court fights had been all too common in the 1970s," Needs a reference.
  • "Current NBA commissioner David Stern," I don't like current, it changes over time. Ditto with "today" in the next sentence.
    • I left Stern the way it is as he's been commissioner since 1984 and will continue in that role for a while. Its not a fact that will need continuous or regular updating imho. I changed the "today" to "As of 2010". AaronY (talk) 01:32, 20 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Washington received no support from the Lakers and got torrents of hate mail filled with racial epithets." Get is a poor verb, I'd suggest using receive in this instance.
  • What was the reaction of Celtics' players and fans to the trade?
Later career
Retirement
  • Check the tenses. Some are fine as "has ..-ed" Others would be better simply in the past tense.
Others
GA review (see here for criteria)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
    It's not a major problem for GA, though would be if you went for FA, but I feel some of the prose is informal. Also check the tenses of the verbs, the article flicks between perfect, present and other forms of past tense, e.g. pluperfect.
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
    A couple of bits need referencing.
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
    I'm not totally au fait with the fair-use policy but the image seems properly licensed. Are there any other images available?
  1. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:
    Generally well-written and a good read. Watch the informal language at times, and check the tenses particularly. Just a few other things to pick up and it should be okay for a pass. Brad78 (talk) 01:02, 15 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Everything's now great. It reads well, is very balanced, plenty of references, etc, etc. A good piece of work. Just watch the tenses if you're going to go to FA with this.

And returning to the sentence still outstanding above, "Worsening matters for Washington, the only available replay of the incident showed only his punch, not the scuffle that had preceded it." I've re-read it and now understand what you mean. It was the word "worsening" which totally threw me until I read it a few times. This isn't going to affect GA, but I'd try find a better way of re-wording this so that you don't use the present participle "worsening". Something like "What worsened matters for Washington was that the only available ..." or even totally change it round to "Because the only available replay of the incident showed only his punch, not the scuffle that had preceded it, it made the attack unprovoked." Anyway, I'll leave that to you. Brad78 (talk) 23:46, 23 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.