Talk:Kusumoto Ine/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Sainsf (talk · contribs) 06:50, 15 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Interesting article, I would love to review this. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 06:50, 15 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks! Feel free to split hairs! Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 07:06, 15 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

I think I am notorious for nitpicking ;) Sainsf (talk · contribs) 07:22, 15 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Beautiful work. Here are my comments:

Lead

daughter of Kusumoto Taki, who was a courtesan from Nagasaki; and the German physician Philipp Franz von Siebold, You may simply say "Nagasaki courtesan Kusumoto Taki".
- I feel like that might imply more than might be strictly true. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  - No change needed if there is some uncertainty. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 09:06, 15 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
where foreigners were restricted during Japan's long period of seclusion from the world It may be unclear if the "where" refers to Kusumoto's birthplace or Dejima.
- Is this better?—who worked on Dejima, an island foreigners were restricted to Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  - Yes. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 09:06, 15 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
For which names do you provide Japanese translations and for which do you not?
- I try to limit it to the most key names to reduce clutter. I'd meant to move them to endnotes to improve readablility, which I've now done. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  - Alright. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 09:06, 15 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
"Feudal lord" may be appropriately wikilinked
- Done. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Mention the cause of death
- I'm not sure it's due weight for the lead—most of the sources don't even mention the cause. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  - The cause of death is generally notable. If it clearly isn't noted here, then no need to include. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 09:06, 15 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Life and career

This is a very long section, please divide it into subsections.
- What do you think? Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  - Cool. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 09:06, 15 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Wikilink "artificial island", "apochryphal", "obstetrics" and "Date Munenari".
- Done, except for "apocryphal" (which inapporpriately links to Apocrypha), and Munenari, which is already linked in the lead, at first appearance in the body, and in a caption. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  - Alright. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 09:06, 15 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Many names have been linked (I am not sure if they should be) and are redlinks, but her mother's name isn't.
- I've looked at the sources, and it's unlikely her mother will ever warrant an article. The others have articles on the Japanese-language Wikipedia, and likely warrant articles in English. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  - Alright. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 09:06, 15 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
they waved him goodbye from a small boat in the harbour as his ship pulled away Something like "as his ship left" would be less dramatic. The wording is good but may look unencyclopedic and story-like to some.
- Done. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Any idea who Wasaburō was?
- I haven't found anything yet—not even his surname—but I'll keep looking. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
She returned to Nagasaki...granted her this child "for free". Swap this sentence with the previous one.
- I ended up rewriting this as well—could you take a look? Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  - Better. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 09:06, 15 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
that 4 August "4 August that year" would read better
- Done. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
carried out by Meerdervoort "Van Meerdervoort"
- Done. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Is 100 yen still a considerable sum? If not, it should be clarified that it was so in those days.
- Today it's about a US dollar; at the time Yen were much more vaulable, and divided into sen "pennies". I think I'd rather leave it at "considerable" rather than deal with inflation-adjusted numbers, which need to be handled with care. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  - Alright. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 09:06, 15 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
the financial support of her father; she never married "She never married" seems out of place here. This is a significant fact of her life, and deserves a prominent mention.
- I've bumped it to the next paragraph, which is kind of a summing up of random tidbits like this. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Legacy

What is Ehime 2012?
- Stupid typo. Fixed. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
A volume written by Hamada Keiko The line seems to be incomplete
- Misplace braces. Fixed. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Images

The caption of the infobox image says "an elderly woman", and not "Kusumoto Ine".
- There shouldn't be a caption. are you sure that's not the alt text? Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  - Sorry, I meant alt text. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 09:06, 15 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
    - Added her name. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 09:37, 15 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
No caption for the last image?
- Syntax error—fixed. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
All images are properly licensed.
One more thing – can the last image be aligned to right? It seems it is sandwiching the text. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 09:06, 15 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
- Sure. Moved. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 09:37, 15 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

No copyvio spotted, no dablinks or duplinks. I am done with the comments. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 07:29, 15 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Great, I am happy to promote this. Cheers! Sainsf (talk · contribs) 09:39, 15 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]