Talk:Lewis W. Green/GA1

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GA Review[edit]

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Nominator: PCN02WPS (talk · contribs) 18:23, 30 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Reviewer: Harper J. Cole (talk · contribs) 19:11, 5 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]


I'll take on this review. Harper J. Cole (talk) 19:11, 5 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Some suggestions, let me know what you think...
  • The occasion of his return was his election as professor of political economy Slightly awkward wording; does this mean the reason he returned was his election, or did the two events just happen at the same time?
  • After falling seriously ill and being unable to regularly maintain the position, he resigned after just over a year and a half. Would recommend tweaking this sentence so it doesn't repeat the word "after".
  • who drew him to their presidency I've not personally seen "drew" used in this way before. I'd expect something like "recruited," but perhaps this is a phrasing I'm not familiar with?
    • I used it in a similar sense of "drawing someone in" to something, but for comprehension's sake I changed it to "recruited" PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 01:51, 7 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • He led the school while preaching in Danville through much of Centre's firsthand experience in the Civil War, including the nearby Battle of Perryville, until his death in 1863 from an illness which he caught after helping injured soldiers recovering in Centre's main building, functioning as a hospital. This lengthy sentence feels like it could be split into two.
  • but transferred in 1822 to Centre College because of a lack of support by Kentucky Presbyterians for Transylvania president Horace Holley I'm a bit unclear on what happened here. Did the Kentucky Presbyterians tell him to transfer, or did he make the decision?
    • I had a hard time figuring this out; the source by Halsey says "After completing the studies of the junior year in this institution, he was transferred to Centre College in Danville, then just organized by the Presbyterians of Kentucky...The reason for this change was that the Presbyterians of the State, becoming dissatisfied with the infidel principles of Dr. Holley, had withdrawn their support from Transylvania, and determined to build up an institution at Danville." I am hesitant to say one way or another whether he chose to transfer or not because I don't feel that the source supports it either way. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 01:51, 7 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • a necessity to return to Kentucky I think you can be more specific (he returned to teach).
  • He returned to his alma mater, though, in August 1832 Second consecutive sentence with "though" in it; perhaps rewrite as "He did return to his alma mater in August 1832..." or similar.
  • In August 1834, some months after he was remarried, Unless I missed a reference, this describes him remarrying before any mention of his first marriage. I appreciate that his personal life is covered in a later section, but a brief mention of why he was on his second marriage would be in order.
    • I replaced "after he was remarried" with "after his marriage to Mary Lawrence" - does this work alright? PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 01:51, 7 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • Shortly after starting there, "influential gentlemen" at Transylvania University in Lexington, Kentucky, offered him the presidency of that school in an effort to return a Presbyterian to the office, though Green declined so as to avoid negatively impacting Danville and its status as the de facto center of the church in Kentucky. Which citation covers this sentence?
  • when the freedmen were not willing to go You can wikilink freedmen.
    • Decided to replace "the freedmen" with "they", since talking about "free[ing] them" later in the same sentence sounded weird to me if I've already described them as freedmen. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 01:51, 7 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • After, he moved to Baltimore, Maryland, in order to take up the pastorate of that city's Second Presbyterian Church in order to devote himself in a full-time role to preaching. Restructure so that "in order to" is not used twice.
  • the school's endowment had increased to $80,000 Do we know what it increased from?
    • I looked back at the source and realized I had it wrong - it had increased by 80 grand, not to 80 grand. Unfortunately the source doesn't give a starting/ending figure from what I can tell since it's summarizing a magazine article written around 1900 that itself did not contain more specific information. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 01:51, 7 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • He was a popular professor and preacher among students and rarely were there large-scale disagreements between the students and faculty, except on one occasion during which classes were suspended for a week in the early 1850s after a student threatened a professor's life, though not much else is known about the incident. I'm not sure you need the second part of this sentence ("except on one occasion" etc); it's straying from the subject of Green, and is missing details in any case.
    • Good point, I think I got distracted by how off-guard it caught me. Removed. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 01:51, 7 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • Citation 40 refers to page 48. Looking at the source, it actually seems to be page 50; a printing error has led to the page being mislabelled as page 48, but a look at the the preceding and following pages confirms it to be page 50.
  • Green was inaugurated as president on November 18, 1856, on which occasion he delivered an inaugural address which was untitled. Suggest rephrasing to avoid near repetition (inaugurated/inaugural).
  • in fact, some students The phrase "in fact" seems a bit conversational for an encyclopedia.
  • Sometime after moving back to Kentucky after his term at Hampden–Sydney Suggest restructuring to avoid repeating "after".
These are all quite minor fixes. The general structure looks sound, and the subject's life to be covered thoroughly. Harper J. Cole (talk) 23:04, 5 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
@Harper J. Cole Thanks for the review, I will get started on these shortly! I am hoping to take this to FAC soon so if you see anything that could be improved as far as the FA criteria are concerned that would also be much appreciated. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 00:25, 6 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
@Harper J. Cole: everything has been fixed/responded to above! PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 01:55, 7 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks, happy to promote this. I've not had any FA promotions myself, so I couldn't say what changes might be needed to reach that level. Harper J. Cole (talk) 10:37, 7 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
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