Talk:London Road Fire Station, Manchester/GA1

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Reviewer: Malleus Fatuorum 00:01, 9 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Images
  • There are too many images in this article, several of which look rather similar on a cursory glance. More importantly though they cause the images to bleed between sections; images should be contained within the section they are illustrating.
    • Would dropping say 3 of the 5 photos be better? For example, keeping fire panel and Coroners Court??? Pit-yacker (talk) 20:30, 9 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]
      • That would probably do it. You could move the others to Commons and include a link to a category you set up there in External links. Malleus Fatuorum 20:35, 9 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]
        • Have done that. Is it any better? Pit-yacker (talk) 21:25, 9 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]
          • I've redistributed the images so that they both now fit within their sections. If you're happy with that then so am I. Malleus Fatuorum 22:41, 9 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • The details for File:London road fire firestation v2.svg ought to include what image it was based on, presumably the one on page 10 of the Purcell Miller Tritton plan, otherwise it could be considered to be original research.
    •  DoneDo you mean that the actual file page should contain the source? I have added some information on that page. Pit-yacker (talk) 20:30, 9 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • The infobox image has "London Road Fire Station" above and below it, which looks rather strange. Really needs a more descriptive caption, such as "View from Whitworth Street showing the main entrance" or whatever.
    •  DoneI have changed this to "View from junction of London Road and Fairfield Street showing entrance to the bank". Is this any better. Pit-yacker (talk) 20:30, 9 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Lead
  • "... is now the subject of a compulsory purchase order between the fire station's owner, Britannia Hotels and Manchester City Council." I don't think that phrasing is right. CPOs aren't "between" two parties. There's obviously a punctuation problem there as well, as the owner isn't "Britannia Hotels and Manchester City Council".
  • The lead is too short to adequately summarise the article; there's nothing on the operation and decline of the station for instance, which is anout half of the article.
    • User:J3Mrs has added an extra paragraph (and I have added an extra sentence). Is this what you were looking for or do you think more is needed.Pit-yacker (talk) 00:53, 13 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Construction
  • "In 1899 George William Parker was appointed Chief of the Manchester Fire Brigade and asked to report on the proposed replacement." This is ambiguous; it could mean that Parker was asked to report (by a third party), or that he asked to report (himself).
  • "Parker had once been referred to as the 'architect of the world's fire service' and in previous roles had designed fire stations in Bootle and Belfast." What is "in previous roles" telling us here? Couldn't that just be dropped?
    •  Done both the above. --J3Mrs (talk) 16:24, 9 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • A competition, with prizes of £300, £200 and £100 (equivalent to £23913, £15942 and £7971 today) ...". Two problems with this, the first of which is when is today? The second is that the conversions are misleadingly precise; they need to be made no more precise than the amounts they're converting. For instance, £24,000 rather than £23,913.
Operation
  • "... and a gas meter testing station on London Road. The coroner's court and gas testing station ...". Which was it, a gas meter testing station (probably ought to be gas-meter testing station anyway, as it's called in the legend to the layout schematic) or a gas testing station?
  • "The coroner's court and gas testing station replaced the original proposals for a public library and gym". they didn't replace the proposals, they replaced the proposed library and gym.
    •  Done earlier but broadband died:(--J3Mrs (talk) 20:29, 9 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "... suspended harnesses to allow the horses to be harnessed quickly". What horses? This is the first we've heard about horses.
  • "The fire station was also built with foresight; the bays were wide enough to take motorised fire appliances." This doesn't quite work for me. It was built with foresight, rather designed with foresight? What size blocks of foresight were delivered on-site? What bays?
    •  Done reprashed to "The fire station was also designed with foresight; the appliance bays were made wide enough to take motorised fire appliances.". Hope this is better? Pit-yacker (talk) 21:29, 9 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The fire station had a 130-foot (40 m) hose-tower ,,,". Should "hose-tower" be hyphenated? It isn't in the image caption, needs to be consistent.
  • "... whilst at the other end air was extracted from the stalls". The other end of what?
    •  Done I have tried rephrasing to "When the air reached the end of the circuit, in the stalls, it was extracted from the building." Pit-yacker (talk) 23:08, 9 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "... an extension built in the yard to relieve the control room". To relieve the control room of what?
    •  Done I have replaced "relieve" with "provide more space in" Pit-yacker (talk) 22:40, 9 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "In 1955 the interior of the building was refurbished. As a result of an annual spring clean, by the time the building celebrated its Golden Jubilee on 6 October 1956, the outside of the building was still in pristine condition." Is this saying that every year since it opened the outside of the building had been cleaned?
    • That is what I was trying to say. Apparently, this was quite an occasion in the year. Do you think it should be re-worded? Pit-yacker (talk) 22:21, 9 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]
      • I'll reword it now that I know what it's trying to say, so you can mark this one done. Malleus Fatuorum 22:41, 9 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Decline
  • "Around the same time the last occupants of the bank ...". Strange phrasing, makes it sound as if people were living in the bank.
  • "The old London Road Fire Station is within the Whitworth Street Conservation Area since it's area was extended in 1985." The tenses don't quite match here.
    •  Done simplified
  • "Although an application was promised by the end of October 2009, the City Council's patience with Britannia Hotels was running out." How do we know that the council's patience was running out? Who has said so?
    •  DoneI have changed this to say "the city council doubted Britannia Hotel's commitment to redeveloping the building" Pit-yacker (talk) 22:48, 9 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Is it "City Council" or "city council"? I think the latter, but whichever is chosen it needs to be consistent.
    •  Done I have changed instances of "City Council" to "city council" except where "Manchester City Council" is used. Is "Manchester City Council" correct? Pit-yacker (talk) 21:40, 9 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "... the city council recommended a compulsory purchase order". Recommended it to who? Don't councils take out compulsory purchase orders themselves?
    •  Done I have clarified that it was the Chief Executive of the council who issued the recommendation Pit-yacker (talk) 22:15, 9 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]
References
  • Crains Manchester Business is cited a few times, but it's given as a publisher, not a publication. What's the name of the publication? Or should the "magazine" or "journal" parameter have been used instead of "publisher"?
  • Same goes for Manchester Evening News, where the "newspaper" parameter should be used instead of "publisher" to format the title correctly.
  • The way that the Purcell Miller Tritton document(s) are cited just doesn't work at all, as shown by the list of urls in the Bibliography section. Purcell Miller Tritton may have corporately produced the document, but in no sense are they the author. Citations to online documents are better kept in the notes section, one for each of the pdf files. Page numbers aren't usually provided for online documents anyway, as they're unnecessary. Basically all the reader needs to be told is which of the pdfs you're citing in support of what material.
  • Denationalise vs privatise: I may have mis-understood here, but I think there is a subtle difference between the two. My reading of the denationalisation of the fire brigade was that a single national fire brigade was replaced with local ones at the end of the war? Pit-yacker (talk) 00:53, 13 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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