Talk:Lord Hugh Seymour/GA1
Appearance
GA Review
[edit]Hi, I have elected to review this article under the Good Article criteria and should have my initial comments posted up within the next few hours. Cheers, Abraham, B.S. (talk) 03:18, 5 October 2008 (UTC)
- I have now completed reviewing this article against the criteria, and although I am not yet prepared to list it as a Good Article it doesn't have far to go and I am placing it on hold. The areas of concern that are currently preventing promotion are listed below, and I will provide a space of seven days for these issues to be addressed or at least evidence that improvements are in the works. Well done so far, Abraham, B.S. (talk) 10:07, 5 October 2008 (UTC)
- It is reasonably well written.
- a (prose):
b (MoS):
- In the lead, perhaps it should be clarified (if possible) what kind of medal he received for his actions during the battle of the Glorious First of June. Also, what is a "rake" and "dissolution".
- "friend John Willett Payne, but at the age of 11 joined the Navy at his own insistence" - the "but" doesn't appear to set well in this sentence. Maybe rewrite it to someting along the lines of: He was initially educated at Bracken's Academy in Greenwich, where he met lifelong friend John Willett Payne, before joining the Navy at the age of eleven upon his own insistence. Becoming a captain's servant on the yacht William & Mary,[1] two years later he moved to HMS Pearl under his relation Captain John Leveson Gower off Newfoundland.
- "Following the peace in 1783" - would it be possible to clarify what "peace"?
- "becoming MP for Newport on the Isle of Wight but relinquishing it two years later." - The "but" also does not sit well in this sentence. Perhaps change to "before relinquishing the position two years later."
- "Seymour remained there until 1796 when he changed his seat to Portsmouth, where he remained until his death." - Did he remain in the areas or in the positions?
- "the aftermath of the action, Seymour was one of those captains marked out for praise, being presented with a medal commemorating his service during the engagement.[8]" - Two minor things her: "those" captains? Please clarify, and, again, do you know what exactly the medal was? The way it is worded, if seems like the medals is just a plain old service/campaign medal.
- "but fell ill soon after arriving, attacked by Yellow Fever." - "attacked" makes it sound as if someone or something actually assulted the man, when it was a deasese/illness.
- a (prose):
- It is factually accurate and verifiable.
- a (references):
b (citations to reliable sources):
c (OR):
- "Leviathan had suffered 11 killed and 32 wounded in the engagement." - this sentence is unreferenced, and needs to be.
- a (references):
- It is broad in its coverage.
- a (major aspects):
b (focused):
- a (major aspects):
- It follows the neutral point of view policy.
- Fair representation without bias:
- Fair representation without bias:
- It is stable.
- No edit wars etc.:
- No edit wars etc.:
- It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
- a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales):
b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
- a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales):
- Overall:
- Pass/Fail:
- Overall, a very nice article that is quite close to passing. Abraham, B.S. (talk) 10:18, 5 October 2008 (UTC)
- Pass/Fail:
Other comments
[edit]The following comments are not required to pass GAN, but are general comments on article improvement.
- In the lead, perhaps link Seymour's rank and unbold it. In it's present state, it appears the rank is a complete part of his name.
- In the infobox, you have Seymour's service years in the style "XX to XX". Maybe the use of an ndash would be more appropriate?
- Speaking of the infobox, is "Royal Navy" really necessary in the rank section?
- I'm not fussed on the amount of redlinks in the article. Consider unlinking a few.
Cheers, Abraham, B.S. (talk) 11:30, 5 October 2008 (UTC)
- Hi, thanks for the review. I think I've addressed all the above, with the exception of the buisness with the medal. The medal is this one, a commemorative medal awarded to those captains deemded to have distinguished themselves (a full list is at Glorious First of June#aftermath). It doesn't currently have its own Wikipedia article and I'm not sure how to better describe it. Also, do you think dissolution is clearer now that I have linked rake? Thanks again, --Jackyd101 (talk) 12:31, 5 October 2008 (UTC)
- Re-reading the section regarding the medal, it does seem to be clearer now, as is dissolution. I am pleased to now be able to promote this well written and constructed article to GA. Congratulations! Abraham, B.S. (talk) 12:51, 5 October 2008 (UTC)
- Hi, thanks for the review. I think I've addressed all the above, with the exception of the buisness with the medal. The medal is this one, a commemorative medal awarded to those captains deemded to have distinguished themselves (a full list is at Glorious First of June#aftermath). It doesn't currently have its own Wikipedia article and I'm not sure how to better describe it. Also, do you think dissolution is clearer now that I have linked rake? Thanks again, --Jackyd101 (talk) 12:31, 5 October 2008 (UTC)