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Talk:Lotus Intro/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: IndianBio (talk · contribs) 07:58, 27 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I will review this Good Article nomination. Nominators please be prepared to answer queris raised in the review. —Indian:BIO · [ ChitChat ] 07:58, 27 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Will you begin soon?  — AARONTALK 15:19, 6 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Yep. Already reviewing. —Indian:BIO · [ ChitChat ] 16:26, 6 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Are you..?  — AARONTALK 19:36, 8 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Yes dude, I am.... —Indian:BIO · [ ChitChat ] 03:18, 9 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Lol okay Sasha, I thought you were going to "Disappear" :P  — AARONTALK 12:11, 9 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Haha, I like your sense of humor. :D —Indian:BIO · [ ChitChat ] 12:44, 9 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Lead

*The length parameter of the song in the infobox, simply have it as 3:17, that template will probably be deleted.

  • There are more keeps than delete at the moment, and I always use this. A bot would remove it anyway.  — AARONTALK
  • The genres, will come to them in the composition section.
  • Infobox, have the recording location also, you already have the info from the liner notes.
    Green tickY  — AARONTALK
  • It was written by Aguilera, Dwayne Abernathy, Candice Pillay and Alex da Kid, and is about her rebirth as an artist --> Written by Aguilera, Dwayne Abernathy, Candice Pillay and Alex da Kid, the song is about her rebirth as an artist
    Green tickY  — AARONTALK
  • Created for Aguilera's passion for "chill-out" electronica music, the track incorporates ---> The consecutive "for" doesnt sound right, try this ""Lotus Intro" was created from Aguilera's passion for "chill-out" electronica music, and incorporates"
    Green tickY  — AARONTALK
  • A sample of M83's "Midnight City" was intended --> intended is definitely not the correct word here.
    Green tickY  — AARONTALK
  • South Korean international singles chart or South Korean International Singles Chart??
    Former.  — AARONTALK
    It's just Gaon Chart  — AARONTALK 19:00, 9 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]

*while others stated that it could be misleading to title the full-length song as an introduction --> Can you clarify this a little better?

  • Green tickY  — AARONTALK
  • Alex da Kid and Alexander Grant is same person? If not then the writer and producers per infbox and lead do not match.
    Alex da Kid is his producing name, Alexander Grant is his legal name. He produced and goes by Alex da Kid.  — AARONTALK
Background

*She revealed that the album would be a "culmination of everything I've experienced up until this point ... I've been through a lot since the release of my last album, being on ('The Voice'), having had a divorce --> The Voice in italics please, even if its in a quote the basic MoS should be of Wikipedia's.

  • Green tickY  — AARONTALK 13:44, 9 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • She continued to say that "I'm ..... The singer continued to say that the album...... Continuous repetitive prose, rephrase the whole first sentence, or the whole second sentence.
    Green tickY  — AARONTALK
  • Aguilera's vocals were recorded by Oscar Ramirez ar --> sp mistake
    Green tickY  — AARONTALK
Composition

*The track opens with Aguilera tribal chanting "Rise up lotus, rise/ This is the .. against The opening lyrics, "Rise up/ This is the beginning" .. which is the correct opening lyrics?

  • The song actually opens with "Songbird, rebirth, unearth creature, Submerge from hurt, pain, broken pieces, Emergency, heartbeat increases" then "Rise up lotus, rise, this is the beginning". I've reworded it.
  • Despite claiming to "submerge from hurt, pain, broken pieces" and "leave the past behind/ say goodbye to the scared child inside," Andrew Hampp for Billboard felt that the singer "still has a few scores to settle ---> Okay big problem, this WP:QUOTEFARM approach to writing is really bad and has to go. Please write most of the quotes in your own words, that is always a better style and negates any chance of plagiarizing also.
    I do always go by that philosophy, but I'm not quoting three of Hampp's quotes, two of them are lyrics.  — AARONTALK 13:59, 9 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    • Well its better, but still has sentences which are not understandable in terms of what exactly they mean. like "Andrew Hampp for Billboard felt that the singer "still has a few scores to settle." —Indian:BIO · [ ChitChat ] 18:06, 9 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • In the lyrics "To the sky I rise/ Spread my wings and fly," the singer explains how the a Lotus Flower is "the unbreakable flower. --> Doesn't make any sense, rephrase.
    You missed this. "According to Robert Copsey for Digital Spy, the singer explains how the a Lotus Flower is "the unbreakable flower" in the lyrics "To the sky I rise/ Spread my wings and fly" —Indian:BIO · [ ChitChat ] 18:06, 9 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]

*"modulated beyond recognition." --> "modulated beyond recognition". comma before period.

Live performance

*performer at the award ceremony on October 19, 2012 --> We don't need the date, of no significance and breaks up the sentence badly

  • Green tickY  — AARONTALK 14:03, 9 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • deep–rooted --> why en-dash?
    Someone corrected all the dashes I think.  — AARONTALK
  • Actually check the en-dash throughout this section, why normal joined words are having en-dash? I suggest reading up on En-dash.
    As above.  — AARONTALK
    Someone fixed the dashes using a script tool which changes any dashes which need to be changed. So it must be correct, and it's quoted as such.  — AARONTALK 19:00, 9 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    No Calvin, it is not correct. The script must have made errors. Check the definition of en-dash: "The en dash is commonly used to indicate a closed range of values, meaning a range with clearly defined and non-infinite upper and lower boundaries. This may include ranges such as those between dates, times, or numbers" SO it is not correct in this context. —Indian:BIO · [ ChitChat ] 09:05, 10 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Wearing a "fuller–figure" "cinched in corset" designed by The Blonds, who also design outfits for Lady Gaga,[16] Leah Simpson for the Daily Mail --> Lol, who wore the costume? Leah? Rephrase this sentence :)
    Well no, because that's not the end of the sentnence, it's clear if you keep on reading.  — AARONTALK
    • It still doesn't. Why join two sentences which are clearly supposed to be separate ones? Make it simple, like "Aguilera wore a "fuller-figure, cinched in corset" designed by The Blonds, who also design outfits for Lady Gaga. Leah Simpson from Daily Mail wrote that the singer was able to put a "sexy twist on patriotism" with the star–spangled bodysuit she wore, and also observed that her "over-the-top ensemble" impressed a few by "[getting] a few pulses racing". —Indian:BIO ·

[ ChitChat ] 18:06, 9 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]

* "torture bags labelled the words 'Freak' and 'Queen' over their heads." --> Quotefarm alert.

Credits
  • Appears fine, checked the hard copy
Charts

*South Korean international singles chart --> Again... caps?

  • No.  — AARONTALK
  • during the week of November 11 to 17, 2012, due to digital download sales of 1,898 --> This cannot be correct. When I go to the reference and this date, it shows me "Miss My Love" by Hapaek Calendar which sold 13,322 downloads, and nowhere there is Lotus Intro. Please rectify.
    Because you have to manually select 2012 then manually select November 11 to 17, 2012 on the two drop down boxes. The URL doesn't change, just the table each week. There's nothing wrong with it, you just have to do it yourself. It's pretty obvious that you need to go to November 2012 as it always shows the current week, you have to go back in their archive, which they don't provide actual direct URls for. Look at the reference on the article now and follow my instructions, it's fool proof.  — AARONTALK
References

*Ref 1, 2 work parameter Idolator is missing

Pretty short and concise article, but I'm afraid if the chart performance cannot be validated, then there would be a question of whether this article can be kept or not. —Indian:BIO · [ ChitChat ] 03:18, 9 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the actions taken, the article has passed its GA review now. —Indian:BIO · [ ChitChat ] 13:36, 10 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]