Talk:Loud Tour Live at the O2
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GA Review
[edit]The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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- This review is transcluded from Talk:Loud Tour Live at the O2/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: Et3rnal (talk · contribs) 20:35, 18 June 2013 (UTC)
- Lead
- "The DVD and Blu-ray Disc release features" → "The DVD and Blu-ray Disc releases feature".
- "including the encore and features songs" – remove 's' on feature.
- "The tour was described as an..." – you should say who made that statement.
- Background
- "Rihanna addressed rumors about a special performance to be included on the setlist..." – This sentence and the following one aren't expanded, and so seem a bit redundant. Could you possibly expand them?
- Completely re-arranged it and expanded it. — Tomíca(T2ME) 22:23, 18 June 2013 (UTC)
- Release
- "Apart of North America" – I'm not sure what this means.
- Well, she did shows in North America, however, also in Europe and etc... — Tomíca(T2ME) 22:23, 18 June 2013 (UTC)
- I've changed it a bit to reflect this, as I think the previous version sounded a bit weird.
- Well, she did shows in North America, however, also in Europe and etc... — Tomíca(T2ME) 22:23, 18 June 2013 (UTC)
- "Via her official Twitter account, she announced that she is to film" – should be past tense.
- "on her official YouTube channel, December 6, 2012" – add 'on' before 'December 6, 2012'.
- Concert synopsis
- "Scenes are intercuted" → "Scenes are intercut".
- "while wearing blue electric dress" → "while wearing a blue electric dress"
- "a car is present on the scenes and Rihanna climbs to its top while performs" → "a car is present during the scene, to which Rihanna climbs to its top while performing"
- All the 'intercuted' should be changed to 'intercut'.
- "Rihanna heading to her show with a metro" → "Rihanna heading to her show within a metro".
- "name of the cities in which they perform" → "name of the cities in which they performed".
- "After the performances, scenes of Rihanna and her team choosing the artwork for Talk That Talk covers and prepares for her appearance on Ellen DeGeneres Show" → "After the performances, scenes of Rihanna and her team are shown choosing the artwork for Talk That Talk, as well as Rihanna preparing for her appearance on Ellen DeGeneres Show".
- "the singer is back on the stage wearing yellow dress and performs "Unfaithful" on a platform" – "the singer is back on the stage wearing a yellow dress, performing "Unfaithful" on a platform".
- "Scenes of Rihanna having fun with her fans are and making a birthday party for her manager Jay Brown are shown" – remove the first 'are' and replace the second one with 'is'.
- "they are traveling" – 'travelling'.
- My online grammar spotcheck says that "traveling" is right and not "travelling" — Tomíca(T2ME) 22:23, 18 June 2013 (UTC)
- I just checked, and both spellings are correct. No point in changing it.
- My online grammar spotcheck says that "traveling" is right and not "travelling" — Tomíca(T2ME) 22:23, 18 June 2013 (UTC)
- "She is arguing with the tour director how the set should be like, because she wants to add "We Found Love" to i" – replaced 'be like' with 'arranged' and at 'it' at the end.
- "Loud Tour Live at the O2 finishes with Rihanna performing "We Found Love" as final song". – add 'the' before 'final'.
Done — Tomíca(T2ME) 22:23, 18 June 2013 (UTC)
- Commercial performance
- "The following week stayed on the same position" – add 'it' before 'stay'.
Done — Tomíca(T2ME) 22:23, 18 June 2013 (UTC)
- Credits and personnel
- You should move the sentence at the bottom to the top for better accessibility.
Done — Tomíca(T2ME) 22:23, 18 June 2013 (UTC)
- References
- 10.Rap-Up's publisher is 'Rap-Up, LLC'.
- 12.Consequence of Sound is self-published.
- 13.Digital Spy's publisher is 'Hearst Magazines UK'.
- 34.'Prometheus Global Media' should be linked.
Done — Tomíca(T2ME) 22:23, 18 June 2013 (UTC)
No major issues, in general looks fine. Will put on hold. Et3rnal 21:29, 18 June 2013 (UTC)
- Looks splendid, passing. Et3rnal 13:36, 19 June 2013 (UTC)
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