Talk:Luis Alberto Guerrero Reyes/GA1
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
GA Review
[edit]GA toolbox |
---|
Reviewing |
Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch
Reviewer: Vami IV (talk · contribs) 23:30, 8 April 2020 (UTC)
Opening statement
[edit]In reviews I conduct, I may make small copyedits. These will only be limited to spelling and punctuation (removal of double spaces and such). I will only make substantive edits that change the flow and structure of the prose if I previously suggested and it is necessary. For replying to Reviewer comment, please use Done,
Fixed,
Added,
Not done,
Doing..., or
Removed, followed by any comment you'd like to make. I will be crossing out my comments as they are redressed, and only mine. A detailed, section-by-section review will follow. —♠Vami_IV†♠ 23:30, 8 April 2020 (UTC)
- @Vami IV: Thank you for the thorough review. I believe I've addressed the points below. Cheers, MX (✉ • ✎) 21:47, 13 April 2020 (UTC)
Prose
[edit]was killed in a drive-by shooting
Link "drive-by shooting".
Done
In addition to [...]
is used to start a sentence twice in a row in "Early life and career".
He became a member of the cartel's newly created paramilitary group known as Los Zetas,
Replace "known as" with a comma.
and carry out executions on the cartel's behalf.
This exact wording appears in the lead and in "Early life and career".
and as "Beto", a nickname from his middle name Alberto.
Consider "derived from his middle name, Alberto."
Done
Guerrero Reyes is often cited as one of the founding members of Los Zetas who was reportedly part of the Grupo de los 14 (English: Group of 14), who were the first fourteen Zetas members.
Condense.
Done I think. I essentially made it two sentences. Lemme know what you think.
The course included an art of intimidation class
Confusing.
following the 14 March arrest of Cárdenas Guillén [...] López Falcón was killed inside a restaurant on 6 May.
what year
- Nothing about the first paragraph of "Shootout and death" implies or states that there was a shootout.
Shootout and death:drive-by shooting [...] discotheque [...] Jeep Liberty [...] Ford Mustang
Need wikilinks
Done
Investigators discovered that Garcia's corpse was holding a grenade in his hand. Officials stated that Garcia was holding the grenade because he intended to use it against his attackers.
Condense.
Done
The vehicle Guerrero Reyes was in was hit over 100 times with automatic and semi-automatic firearms. Several of the bullets were fired through the windshield.
Condense.
Done
along with the one driven by the victims.
Axe.
Done
likely because he intended to use it against his attackers
Redundant and maybe WP:OR.
Removed Vami IV, I've removed it. Source reads: "Officials said that Garcia seemed poised to launch a grenade at the attackers".
GA progress
[edit]Good Article review progress box
|