Talk:Luis and Clark

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Marketing Tone[edit]

Opinion

The article in question contains language better suited to marketing copy than to an encyclopaedia entry.

Examples

"Throughout Luis' extensive career as a cellist, Leguía claimed he never found a suitable cello that could project over an orchestra or a grand piano, sparking the creation of "Luis and Clark."

This sentence is written with flowery language. I find the use of "sparking the creation" in particular to be objectionable. Perhaps it could be rephrased:

"Throughout Luis' career as a cellist, he had been dissatisfied with the capabilities of the instruments he used, particularly their ability to be heard over an orchestra or grand piano. This dissatisfaction eventually led him to found a company which he believed may produce a more suitable instrument."

Acknowledgement of Nitpicking

I am very particular with how I write, and this is one of several examples in this article which MAY be written like an advertisement. I am not claiming sole authority in this matter and would like to discuss the matter with fellow contributors in order to refine this article as much as possible, with their input. MyScreenwritingJourney (talk) 09:14, 2 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]