Talk:Luke Cain

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Good articleLuke Cain has been listed as one of the Sports and recreation good articles under the good article criteria. If you can improve it further, please do so. If it no longer meets these criteria, you can reassess it.
Article milestones
DateProcessResult
November 24, 2012Good article nomineeListed
Did You Know
A fact from this article appeared on Wikipedia's Main Page in the "Did you know?" column on August 31, 2012.
The text of the entry was: Did you know ... that 2012 Australian Paralympic shooter Luke Cain broke his neck playing Australian rules football?

GA Review[edit]

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This review is transcluded from Talk:Luke Cain/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Batard0 (talk · contribs) 17:39, 24 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Good Article review progress box
Criteria: 1a. prose () 1b. MoS () 2a. ref layout () 2b. cites WP:RS () 2c. no WP:OR () 2d. no WP:CV ()
3a. broadness () 3b. focus () 4. neutral () 5. stable () 6a. free or tagged images () 6b. pics relevant ()
Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked are unassessed

I'll take this one on. It looks well-sourced and generally in good shape. I understand that you're away and may not be able to devote much time to this; given the circumstances, I'll list the issues to be resolved and leave this review open for however long is needed. --Batard0 (talk) 17:39, 24 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]


Lead

  • No comma needed after "shooter".
  • It's Australian shooter, not Australia shooter, right?
  • I think "SH2 classified" should be "SH2-classified" because it's a compound adjective modifying "Australian shooter"
  • I recommend moving this sentence to the very end of the lead: "His cousin is Travis Cloke, an AFL All-Australian full-forward." The article's about Cain, and I think mentioning Cloke in the second sentence gives Cloke too much prominence.
  • "he first started competing" --> "he started competing" ("first" here is redundant)
  • I recommend a rephrase of this sentence to: "He started competing in 2007, as the sport suited his disability, and has been a Victorian Institute of Sport scholarship holder since 2008". The reasoning is that this puts it in chronological order, which I think makes it easier to read and understand.
  • Can we wikilink "World Cup" and "South Korea"?
    • Wiki-linked World Cup. I get in trouble for over linking when I link well-known countries like South Korea.
  • Is there an article for the 2010 Oceania Shooting Federation Continental Championship or the 2011 Great Britain International? Even if there aren't articles for the individual years, it might be worth linking to the general event articles if they exist.
  • Recommend rephrasing "and at the 2011 Great Britain International, finished second in the 10m air rifle prone event." to "and finished second in the 10m air rifle prone event at the 2011 Great Britain International." This to me reads a bit more clearly.
  • Is there any way to wikilink terms in the following: "Mixed R5-10m Air Rifle Prone-SH2 and Mixed R4-10m Air Rifle Standing-SH2 shooting events,"?
  • Comma needed after "28th", I think.
All done besides wikilinking the 2010 and 2011 championships, can't find either general or year articles. Buggie111 (talk) 19:34, 24 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Personal

  • In "Club, when" no comma is needed here.

More to come... --Batard0 (talk) 17:53, 24 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • "who requires" --> "and requires" reads more clearly, I think.
Couldn't find first, second done. Buggie111 (talk) 19:34, 24 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
First refers to "a game against Hastings Football Club, when he broke his neck". I should've included more context. --Batard0 (talk) 19:39, 24 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Shooting

  • "SH2 classified" should be "SH2-classified" as a compound adjective, I think.
  • "as an individual, and when on the national team" : the comma after "individual" is not necessary here.
  • "As a youngster, he hunted" --> "As a youngster, Cain hunted" (we should use his name on first reference in a new paragraph)
  • "few sports available to some one" --> "few available to people" (we don't need "sports" because it's used earlier, and "people" here is better than "some one" or "someone")
  • "he was sponsored by Frankston, Victoria's Miall's Gun Shop" --> "he was sponsored by Miall's Gun Shop of Frankston, Victoria" (eliminates possibility of confusion re: Frankston; readers might at first assume Frankston is a sponsor and the comma separates a second sponsor called Victoria's Miall's Gun Shop)
  • Any wikilinks for these? "individual 600-600 R4 prone event, and another in the R4 10-metre standing event"
  • "that same year" --> "the same year" for clarity and conciseness, though this is a nitpick. Batard0 (talk) 18:10, 24 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
All done except wikilinking. Buggie111 (talk) 19:34, 24 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Could "Australia's 2009 domestic series, the Australia Cup" be explained a little further? Is this Australia's championship for paralympic sports, just for shooting or something else?
  • "an international event when he represented Australia" --> "an international event, representing Australia" is more concise.
  • A wikilink for "2009 World Cup in South Korea" would be great if possible.
  • "In early 2010" --> "By early 2010" flows with the narrative a little better, I think.
  • I suggest a slight rephrase of the following sentence to: "He set a personal best of 598 out of 600 at the 2010 World Cup in Germany; not long after, he set a new personal best when he shot 599 at the 2010 World Cup in France". This fixes some grammatical issues and also adds "out of 600" to make clear how good a score this was. Also, are we talking about the standing or prone event? Does it matter?
  • "2010 Croatia-hosted world title event" : was this a world title event for shooting? I.e. this specific 10m event?
  • "a world record of 600 points out of 600 points" --> "a world record of 600 points, a perfect score" (since we said out of 600 earlier if you think that change is good)
  • I'd put a period after "finished second in the 10m air rifle prone event" and then start a new sentence with "He". This sentence is pretty long as-is.

That's about it as far as prose concerns go. Looks good, really. Fix these things and I'll take a last glance and list it. --Batard0 (talk) 19:37, 24 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • Ok, having looked back through the article, it looks like these have all been addressed to the extent that we can. I'd like to get a little more explanation in the article of what "R4" means (I assume it's a type of rifle), but it's not critical. Thanks for responding quickly. I think it meets the criteria and am listing it now. Well done. --Batard0 (talk) 20:06, 24 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

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