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To remove promotional content, I suggest to eliminate "Positions" and "Affiliations" and trim all other non-encyclopedic information. I've rewritten the "Career" section; a draft can be found in my userspace. Your feedback is highly appreciated. -- Oliver at Commerzbank (talk) 13:13, 29 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]
The difference between the two versions is shown here. As you can see, many of the removed items are simply reworded and placed back into the article ("He introduced various changes, revamping the whole retail segment and making customer satisfaction a core objective of branch management.") or repeated from text already stated ("During his early years at Commerzbank, Zielke held management roles in retail and corporate banking."). There is much more that needs to be excised here. Removing the fact that his hobbies "include building train model railways" is a good start, but I'd go further if I were you — to include removing text describing his actions as being driven by "higher profitability", removing his goals of "making customer satisfaction a core objective of branch management" as well as removing his "focus on core businesses and digitalization of processes" which is essentially meaningless to anyone not working inside one of Mr. Zielke's bank branches. Spintendo 16:23, 29 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]
Deactivating edit request as this is now a draft page. --Izno (talk) 23:04, 29 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]
@Spintendo and Izno: As requested, I've removed some more details describing his actions. Can you check if this is going in the right direction? I've trimmed but kept the last sentence to give at least a little explanation what he does. If you think it might be better to remove it completely, feel free to do so. Thanks again for your advice. -- Oliver at Commerzbank (talk) 12:02, 22 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
@Spintendo: Following your advice, I've submitted the user page to AfC. Unfortunately, the submission was marked as a duplicate of this draft page, so I've moved it here to avoid any misunderstandings. I hope I didn't get anything wrong ... -- Oliver at Commerzbank (talk) 16:48, 7 February 2019 (UTC)[reply]
