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Talk:Mashrafe Mortaza/GA1

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GA Review

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I will be reviewing this article shortly. On a quick look, the article appears to be well written and adequately referenced. -- Mattinbgn\talk 05:10, 10 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Note all the below are suggestions only:

  • Personal life
    • "Despite this, his bowling is his main attribute ..." Is there any information about why he came to concentrate on bowling? Also I am not sure that "Despite" is quite the right word. An interest in batting does not preclude taking up bowling. Perhaps, "Eventually, (encouraged by his coach ?), Mortaza turned to bowling with his pace seeing him dubbed in the media as the "Narali express"?
      • Of course not, but Mortaza was more interested in batting than bowling, so despite seems appropriate. I think the problem is I didn't emphasise this, so I've said "especially batting" in the article. Based on [1]:

"Sport was a blessed release for his energies, although cricket was by no means his only focus - football and badminton also competed for his time. And even when he did play, he was more excited at the prospect of wielding a bat than flinging a ball."

    • "In 2006, Mortaza married Sumona Haque Shumi. The two met at Victoria College" Combine these two short sentences and perhaps place in chronological order, i.e. At Victoria College, Mortaza met Sumona Haque Shumi, whom he would marry in 2006?
    • Do we know anything about his parents, schooling, social class etc?
  • Emergence
    • "Due to his international commitments ..." The placement of this paragraph here seems strange to me. Given the heading, I expected to read about his early career not an overview of his domestic cricket career. I would move this to the very end of the career section.
      • I knew it was a bit of a non-sequitor, but when I wrote it I couldn't think where to put it. I think it actually works well in the lead and that's where I've put it. The prominent position in the article also explains why his domestic cricket is talked about so little. Nev1 (talk) 21:12, 19 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • "Mortaza is one of the best pace bowlers to have emerged from Bangladesh" Says who? A claim like this should be attributed. "Most successful" or highest wicket taker" are facts, "best" is opinion and should be attributed to someone.
      • I was sure I had a reference for that, but I'm damned if I can find it. In the sources he's sometimes called a world class bowler (not something I've seen other Bangladesh bowlers called), and clearly international opinion is that he's the best as he's the only Bangladesh fast bowler to have made the Asia XI squad, but for neutrality I've changed it to successful.
    • "Under Roberts' recommendation ..." New paragraph at the end of this sentence a
    • "He had only played one match for Bangladesh A ..." Try "After a succesful (what did he do?) first match with Bangladesh A, he was selected to make his Test debut against Zimbabwe at the Bangabandhu National Stadium in Dhaka in November 2001."
      • Changed to "After only one match for Bangladesh A (to date his only Bangladesh A game), Mortaza made his Test debut". His stats for the his only Bangladesh A match are less than impressive, and although stats don't tell the whole story I'm unable to find a match report to see if he did anything that caught the selectors' eye. It's looks like he was chosen on raw talent and Roberts' advice. Nev1 (talk) 20:49, 19 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Immediately follow this sentence with "Unusually the match was also Mortaza's first-class debut" and if you can find out add, "one of only X cricketers to do so." so that the reader gets a sense of how unusual this is.
    • "finished with figures of 4/106" This is jargon and impenetrable to the non-cricket fan, try, at least in the first instance "took four wickets for 106 runs."
    • "won the match by five wickets" I would link Result here
    • "He also made his ODI debut in the series, making his first appearance for Bangladesh's one day team ..." repetitious, needs trimming
    • "finished with figures" again, jargon and difficult for non-cricket fans to follow your meaning.

More to come ... -- Mattinbgn\talk 02:43, 11 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]

  • Injury problems
    • Probably need a cite for Bangladesh's progress at WC2003
    • "...Mortaza suffered a knee injury; he collapsed in his follow through with a twisted knee" "Follow through" may need an explanation for non-cricket fans, or perhaps just rewritten to state "while bowling"
    • It is also a little repetitive, the second part of the sentence restates the second. Perhaps "In the second Test, Mortaza took 4/60—his best Test bowling to that date—before succumbing to a knee injury while bowling on the third day".
      • Changed to "In the second Test, Mortaza took what at the time was his best Test figures of 4/60 before succumbing to injury, collapsing with a twisted knee after delivering the ball." Nev1 (talk) 21:48, 10 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Success
  • "... by pegging back Rahul Dravid's off stump" Seems to me to be jargon and a little newspapery; not quite in an encyclopedic register.
  • "... had chances off Sachin Tendulkar and Sourav Ganguly dropped" Jargon again. It is difficult to write on cricket without overdoing jargon, but non-cricket fans would be totally lost here.
    • Not sure if it's much of an improvement, but it now reads "He bowled consistently in the Test series and nearly dismissed Sachin Tendulkar and Sourav Ganguly, but catches were dropped." Nev1 (talk) 22:59, 10 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "... Bangladesh won the first Test and drew the second, completing a 1-0 series victory" Try "Bangladesh won the Test series one Test to nil, their first series victory in Test cricket. In addition , Bangladesh's victory in the first Test at the MA Aziz Stadium was their first Test win."
  • "Playing for Khulna Division in March 2005 ..." Who did he play against?
  • "Maiden" needs linking or explanation
  • "number four" needs linking to Batting order (cricket)
  • "... the innings beat his previous best first-class score of 70" Try "far surpassing his previous best score in first class cricket of 70"
  • "Mortaza was named man of the match for his performance and his team drew" drew what? I know but non-cricket fans might not. Try "... but the match was drawn" Indeed consider if the match result is relevant in this sentence.
  • "Mortaza enhanced his reputation on Bangladesh's inaugural tour of England, although Bangladesh lost the two-match Test series 2-0" "enhanced his reputation" is opinion and needs a cite.
  • "half a run cheaper per over" Jargon, try "conceded, on average, half a run less per over bowled. "over" possibly should be linked as well.
  • "His consistent performances for Bangladesh led to Mortaza being selected as a reserve player for the Asian squad in the inaugural Afro-Asia Cup" Is there a cite for this claim. Probably best not to claim a cause/effect relationship here unless someone else had made the claim. I know it is a little nitpicky but unless there is a cite that his consistency led to his selection, it is an unsupported claim.
  • "Mortaza did not play in the series which consisted of three ODIs" I suggest "Mortaza did not play in any of the three ODIs played."

More to come ... -- Mattinbgn\talk 09:44, 9 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Playing style

    • "For a long time, Mortaza was acclaimed as the fastest bowler that Bangladesh had produced (Shahadat Hossain is quicker)[74] and uses his aggressive bowling to challenge batsmen." Changes from past tense to present tense and doesn't quite scan. The reference to Hossain seems a little strange. I understand what you are trying to say but including it in parentheses is a little awkward. Try and reword.
    • "... he exerts control over the ball" I am not sure what you mean here and I doubt most non-cricket fans would be either. If you mean he is accurate and bowls a good line and length, it is best to say so directly. If you mean he can swing (or cut) the ball (both ways?), then say so too (and link to List of cricket terms as well). "exert control" is a little vague.
    • "... comparisons with Australian great Glenn McGrath" "great" is POV (although it is my POV as well)
    • "... his high Test match strike rate of 67.25" "strike rate" needs a link or an explanation
    • "... and the fact that in an ODI against India, he scored 26 runs from one over including four sixes" reword, "the fact that" is redundant and a little clumsy.
    • "He has talent to back up his aggression ..." I know it is cited, but it still reads a little POV. Is there a quote somewhere that makes the same point or can the claim be said to be made by someone else. If you can't I am happy to let this one slide.
    • "He has suffered a plethora of injuries, in his own words: "Left knee, three operations; right knee, one operation; back, stress fracture—it's better now but still gives some trouble—some shoulder problems; ankles, damaged ligaments twice" Love it, great quote and well used.
    • Is there any information about his personality. Is he popular, outgoing, shy, funny etc. Once again, not a big issue but good for a rounded picture.

And I think we are done. Sorry for the delay, and the great big list. I tend to be a little picky. Let me know how you go and if you have any questions. It is great to see a cricketer from one of the newer Test nations get some attention. Cheers, Mattinbgn\talk 11:55, 9 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Not a problem, thanks for the review, I'll get it sorted ASAP. Nev1 (talk) 12:26, 9 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

All looks good to me and now at GA standard! Well done on your work so far and thanks again for your patience. The prose still needs some work before thinking about FA. Perhaps a Peer review by a non-cricket fan may help. Cheers, Mattinbgn\talk 10:12, 11 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]