Talk:Megan Barton-Hanson/GA1
GA Review
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Nominator: Launchballer (talk · contribs) 08:25, 13 April 2024 (UTC)
Reviewer: Sammi Brie (talk · contribs) 05:10, 17 August 2024 (UTC)
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Did you know? If you fancy doing so, I always have plenty of GA nominees to review. Just look for the all-uppercase titles in the Television section. Reviews always appreciated.
The main issue with this article is that I think a soul-searching on whether every detail is germane and worthy of a BLP is in order. This article has sat at GAN for four months and has not changed much since. Fresh eyes might be able to spot things you don't truly need. Your second priority item, lesser than the first, is your propensity to create truly long sentences that move with all the grace of a freight train. Ping me when done. Sammi Brie (she/her • t • c) 05:59, 17 August 2024 (UTC)
Copy changes
[edit]- Priority item: Is every detail about her life that is in this article germane to include?
- Very sorry to keep you waiting on this @Sammi Brie:; I hit something of a wall shortly before seeing this, and have been concentrating on things that require less brainpower. I've made a few minor cuts for this which I've largely described below; a lot of the stuff I would consider invasive such as cosmetic surgery comes from her, so I've no truck with including it. Did you have something else in mind?--Launchballer 15:19, 21 August 2024 (UTC)
- Review the entire article for lengthy sentences that could be split.
Lead
[edit]- Barton-Hanson endured bullying as a teenager, and suffered from severe mental health problems and she also underwent cosmetic surgery during this period, and operated an OnlyFans account WP:CINS remove comma. You're going to hear that a lot.
- Probably not due for the lede, so cut the whole sentence.--Launchballer 15:19, 21 August 2024 (UTC)
Life and career
[edit]- Megan Leah Barton-Hanson was born on 6 March 1994 in Southend-on-Sea in Essex, and has a brother, Kurtis. Remove comma after Essex
- Removed comma, cut 'Kurtis' per WP:BLPNAME.--Launchballer 15:19, 21 August 2024 (UTC)
- In secondary school, she suffered from bullying for her appearance, and underwent otoplasty in an attempt to stem the abuse Remove comma after appearance
- Removed comma.--Launchballer 15:19, 21 August 2024 (UTC)
- After leaving school, she trained as a personal assistant, before working for a fashion designer and as a social media manager Remove comma after "assistant", though not CinS
- Removed comma.--Launchballer 15:19, 21 August 2024 (UTC)
- She later underwent therapy, and has credited it with teaching her coping mechanisms that worked Remove comma
- Removed comma.--Launchballer 15:19, 21 August 2024 (UTC)
- On 10 June 2018, she appeared on the fourth series of Love Island, having applied unsuccessfully for the third, and having deleted her OnlyFans account at the producers' behest. Consider restructuring this sentence, with the two "having" clauses.
- Cut "having applied unsuccessfully for the third". I noticed when converting the Candy Kittens ref that it said "initially turning down Love Island", prompting me to check The Telegraph, where I found that it cited Digital Spy, which in turn cited WP:THESUN. I've found another podcast where she said why she declined it, so added that in a different sentence.--Launchballer 15:19, 21 August 2024 (UTC)
- who she criticised probably "whom". This occurs later with "who she declined" and "who she later also dated", too.
- Fixed all.--Launchballer 15:19, 21 August 2024 (UTC)
- Barton-Hanson and Nelson remained together after the series ended, with Barton-Hanson moving into Nelson's flat, and the pair later moving into a flat in Camden. The back half can be made less verbose. Barton-Hanson and Nelson remained together after the series ended, with Barton-Hanson moving into Nelson's flat before the pair later moved to Camden.
- Changed, though with "both" replacing "the pair". (I did consider splitting the sentence at "ended", but felt it jarred.--Launchballer 15:19, 21 August 2024 (UTC)
- having delayed doing so due to having worked in the sex industry, and to avoid feeding into the LGBT stereotype of bisexual promiscuity Remove comma
- Removed comma.--Launchballer 15:19, 21 August 2024 (UTC)
- should be "series's" per MOS:'S
- Fixed all three.--Launchballer 15:19, 21 August 2024 (UTC)
- and for a tip, replies to subscribers. Consider splitting off. You have a tendency to produce some long sentence strings that occasionally merit splitting.
- Split off and removed comma.--Launchballer 15:19, 21 August 2024 (UTC)
- she stated that she made between £20,000 and £70,000 each month, and that she had between two and three thousand followers on the platform maybe she stated that she made between £20,000 and £70,000 each month and had between two and three thousand followers on the platform.
- Italicize the title of the podcast.
- The Big Celebrity Detox, but left after one episode Remove comma CinS
- While on the programme, she coupled up with Kyra Green of Love Island USA 1, in doing so becoming the franchise's second same-sex pairing since the format launched in 2005, after Katie Salmon and Sophie Gradon, the latter of whom had committed suicide in June 2018. What a sentence! Split.
- Cut "since the format launched in 2005", trimmed at 'Gradon', and rearranged the rest.--Launchballer 15:19, 21 August 2024 (UTC)
- Is Sophie Gradon's suicide worth mentioning here? It's the second one concerning someone else (after Muggy Mike).
- Cut both.--Launchballer 15:19, 21 August 2024 (UTC)
- Why, pray tell, is Cock Destroyer a redlink?
- Because the subject is notable (see Sophie Anderson (actress), Rebecca More, Slag Wars: The Next Destroyer). I passed on creating the article as I didn't think DYK would take it, but given that they recently ran Clown porn...
Sourcing and spot checks
[edit]There are two non-CS1 citations, namely 8 and 9. The link to #8, the Channel 4 video at Facebook, is broken for me, but I wonder if that is a geoblocking consideration as I am in the United States. Is there an alternate place where this video might be hosted?
- Not geoblocked, just pulled. I've replaced #8 with a YouTube link; haven't added a timestamp as they have a transcript. I've cut #9, as it differed from the article. (Source said "at a strip club", article said "as a stripper", and I don't plan on listening to the podcast as they don't have a transcript.)--Launchballer 15:19, 21 August 2024 (UTC)
- 19:
producers made her deactivate her OnlyFans account before she was able to appear on the show in 2018, and that, since reactivating it, she’s lost “countless jobs”
- 33:
We are parents first and foremost to one incredibly wonderful hamster and we ask for his and our space and privacy to be respected at this difficult time. We haven't really conducted our relationship that privately, and we hope that as we consciously uncouple and co-parent, we will be able to continue in the same manner.
(Quote from statement) - 36:
In Love Island I already felt I had a stigma attached to me because of being a stripper. I didn't want to like add to it by revealing I like girls as well!
- 41: Review describes the premise of this program.
- 53: The Capital article does not list Kyra's last name!
- Replaced.--Launchballer 15:19, 21 August 2024 (UTC)
- 56: I think this is being used to note the format's launch in 2005? If so,
Items Earwig catches are quotes or show titles.
Images
[edit]The lone image is a cropped screencap of a CC-BY-licensed YouTube video.