Talk:NH10 (film)/GA1

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Reviewer: Numerounovedant (talk · contribs) 19:07, 22 June 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Will review this. VedantTalk 19:07, 22 June 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

The lead has two Sharmas so you might have to rephrase "and marked the production debut of Sharma's company".
The film's conception should come first, then the cinematography/production design/filming bits, followed by the music and post production bits.
"and written by Sharma" - don't want people thinking that Anushka wrote it.
"mostly positive critical acclaim" - can't have critical acclaim "mostly".
"The film proved to be" - prooved feels a little heavy handed.

Fixed. Yashthepunisher (talk) 04:19, 23 June 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Production

The opening of the section is a mostly irrelevant information and direct quotes. It can be presented a lot better if the sentence flow more naturally. For instance, it would be better if you could mention how he read a lot of scripts during the 8 year period and the two films that went into production were an attempt to experiment with "genre films" before you say that they were shelved. And then move on to how he decided to pick up the "road trip gone wrong" film as he thought it would be fairly cheap to make. It's all there in the ref.

I think its relevant to give a bit of insight about the director and then talk about the film's details. I have tweaked the phrases per your suggestion.

This "attempt genres that haven't been done at all or in a while here" isn't very necessary either and can be easily paraphrased.

Tweaked.

Might want to put a [sic] at the end of :"role of women in the upholding and dissemination of patriarchy".
"bcause".
"bcause she was committed to other films" - I'd prefer "as she was busy with other projects".
"filming Bombay Velvet" - filming for.
"made under her company Clean Slate Films" - under the label.
"She agreed to act and co-produce the film because" - it's repetitive, why not say "agreedto the film because...".
"its story could happen to anyone" - i think the "real" bit covers this too.
"Sharma called the personal struggle "very relatable"." - this is fairly vague.
"NH10'slove"
"Singh drew likenesses between NH10'slove story and the story of Savitri and Satyavan." - This really does not belong here, it's breaking the flow completely.
"aroung".
"she also took acting workshops conducted by Singh and Atul Mongia to develop the characters" - did they really "develop" characters on acting workshops?
There is very little casting in the Casting and filming section and most of it is misplaced: "Some local Haryanvi actors were hired after auditions from Hisar and Rohtak because budget constraints prevented the hiring of a language coach." I do see that the article would want to talk about this but maybe elsewhere. It has no relevance here, even the filming was done in Rajasthan not Haryana as per paragraph so it loses on that front too.

Renamed the section. The film was initially shot in Haryana for which the actors were hired. So I think it has its relevance.

Its very choppy to be honest, almost staccato-like: no sentence follows the other naturally. The filming schedule is all the place, an odd sentence about casting pops up out of nowhere, Anushka's injuries, filming in Rajasthan, and sandstorm are repeated, claims are various: "Haryanvi actors were hired after auditions from Hisar and Rohtak because budget constraints prevented the hiring of a language coach" and "actors from Haryana, where the film is set, were cast to make the characters more realistic". It is bad. You have to start by reorganising: put the casting and actor choices/comments in one paragraph, the filming locations, schedules and problems in one (or two), the producers, the post production and distribution details in one in the aforementioned order, only then can we move on to prose for this section.

Working on this one. Solved the rest. Yashthepunisher (talk) 13:48, 23 June 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Work is needed, but it'll get there Yash as you have allthe information here, let me know if you have any questions about my comments. VedantTalk 19:58, 22 June 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Numerounovedant Is it okay now? And can you please try to finish the review before 28th? Yashthepunisher (talk) 04:36, 25 June 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Yash, several refs need to be re-formatted under "Awards and nominations". Kailash29792 (talk) 05:52, 25 June 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Done. Yashthepunisher (talk) 18:14, 25 June 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Marketing and Sequel

"NH10 was screened at the Beijing International Film Festival." - was it the world premiere?

The ref's say it was 'screened' at that festival.

"The official trailer of NH10 was released on 5 February 2015 at a suburban multiplex in Mumbai on 5 February 2015" - "on 5 February2015".
The A certificate and censorship bits should be together.
The TV release and DVD should be at the end of the section.
"NH12 that will explore a similar theme" - "NH12, which will".

I'll go through the last section soon Yash, maybe later today. Till then, you might also want to go through the refs as Kailash pointed out. Also, I hope you're okay with the changes, let me know if I messed something up. VedantTalk 06:46, 25 June 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Stray

You should add the distribution company with a ref at the end of the production section. VedantTalk 06:50, 25 June 2018 (UTC)[reply]

All done. Yashthepunisher (talk) 18:15, 25 June 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Final comments

Is koimoi an RS?

It may not be, but I've used it for the BO numbers only. The site is operated by Komal Nahta who is a renowned bollywood trade analyst and the figures give by him are mostly genuine.

YouTube refs need to fixed. The publisher field should be the channel and use a via field for YouTube.

I don't see any issue here. I have used Template:Cite AV media, which is suitable for Youtube refs.

International Business Times, Firstpost and The Indian Express should be in Italics.

Done

Big Star Entertainment Awards should not be.

Should not be what? I have used the ceremony itself as a source.

Refs 3 and 78 missing publisher name.

Done.

The rest looks neat. VedantTalk 15:56, 26 June 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Vedant Please have a look quickly. Yashthepunisher (talk) 04:27, 27 June 2018 (UTC)[reply]

It's a pass. VedantTalk 04:40, 27 June 2018 (UTC)[reply]