Talk:National Commission of Inquiry Into Disappearances

Peer Editing: Jen Rooney[edit]

Was really interesting to read this thanks!

Intro

Potentially Bold "The National Commission of Inquiry Into Disappearances” to make it catch the eye
change “new president” to “recently elected”
link up : Hernán Siles Zuazo to "Hernán Siles Zuazo” on wikipedia so they can read more
link disappearances to “forced disappearances”
it was forced to disband in part because of it’s limited mandate? or that was just another thought?

Background

Instead of having the URL -You could link “Bolivia” to “History of Bolivia”
Beware of redundancy
 The years following Barrientos’ death resulted in(were marked by? …) a period of political turmoil.
lost trust in their government? citation? or else it is biased  
Link to Wikipedia page : Hernán Siles Zuazo

Establishment

consider formatting/revising sentence structure in the section about commissioners

Problems

While the commion's intentions were right (word choice - reamin neutral)
redundant - you already spoke about the limitations, so either delete it from this section or, more preferable, delete it from above
I don't think you can capitalize NOT for emphasis...potentially in italics?

Results

Aftermath

although commission disbanded in 1984, the situation was not hopeless (word choice - netural stance?)
Despite the commission being unable to continue its work, the Bolivian government put 55 former officials from the government of Luis García Meza Tejada, including the former leader himself. (put them where?) --> "tried them under the Trials of Responsibility?"
came to a head? (word choice?)
link García Meza Tejada to Luis García Meza Tejada
"according to Hayner, the process which was seen as positive and successful by organizations such as the Human Rights Watch" - I would try to find the first hand HRW source on this perspective and cite that instead of Hayner
officials accountable and had them pay for their crimes - literally pay for their crimes? - what was the punishment

... you should go ahead and move your article to the Wikipedia mainspace. Tips on doing this appear in the “Moving Out of Your Sandbox” handout, at https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Classroom_handout_-_moving_out_of_your_sandbox.pdf

You may also wish to consult, before the final deadline at the end of next week, the handout on “Polishing Your Article” at https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Polishing_your_articles.pdf Dwebsterbu (talk) 23:32, 23 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]