Talk:Nigel Gibbs/GA1
GA Review[edit]
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Reviewer: Sandman888 (talk) Latest FAC 13:48, 15 August 2010 (UTC)
My third GA review, so I havn't got the hang of using nifty layout and graphics. I'll put this on hold, I think its good stuff. Sandman888 (talk) Latest FAC 13:48, 15 August 2010 (UTC)
- Lead
- "an English former footballer." -> "a former English footballer" I would think. Delink English.
- Done
- did he coach the Watford first-team?
- Clarified
- Infobox: the qoute box seems oddly out of place and the tiny font is not readable.
- Early life
- "for geographical reasons" due to the lakes and mountains separating him from the club? Imagine you are from Argentina and reading it.
- Fair point. I think it's an important point though, so I've attempted to reword.
- "earnt" -> earned, would lessen confusion.
- Done
- What is "apprentice"?.
- It's common British English, and judging by this is understood in American usage too. I've wikilinked in case of any confusion.
- "placed 17-year-old Gibbs on a steak and Guinness diet as an attempt to "beef him up." " Hilarious. Good job at sexing it up!
- You should have seen how many DYK hits it got!
- Professional career
- Link professional. Reader might not be aware what turning prof mean.
- Done.
- " He also played in the away fixture, in front of 38,000 spectators." -> "in the returning away fixture he played in front of 38,000 spectators" though it doesn't seem to fit in.
- Not done. In theory your change flows better, but changing would make it not fit IMHO. To go from playing in front of a few hundred in the reserves, to playing in front of 38,000 in the biggest European games in the your's history is relevant. At best the sentence gives a sports reader an idea of the stark comparison between what he did at 17 and what he did at 18. At worse, it gives the uninitiated a bit of context as to how important a game this was.
- Consider reminding the reader of his age in the "turning professional" section. Like "Gibbs, now XX, returned to the..."
- Done.
- what on earth is the "Hornets" ? I would avoid fan-slang.
- Removed both instances.
- "1988–89 started strongly for Gibbs" -> "Gibbs started 1988-89 strongly" I believe. When it comes to grammar I'm actually just guessing.
- I'd say you're right here.
- "An injury sustained on 25 August 1990 kept " specify injury if possible
- Unfortunately it's as much detail as I have.
- " of 1992–93" -> "of the 1992-93 season"
- Done.
- And I thought they finished 10th, how did they get promoted into the first division? Consider merging the footnote into the prose.
- Not done. The way the footnote is used, it's crystal clear to those that are confused that it's worth a check. That said, the detail is ancillary to Gibbs' career, and so does not belong in the prose.
- "he stayed at Vicarage Road for pre-season" what on earth is Vicarage Road. It is not directly specified as the stadium before. Consider re-writing to "he stayed at the club for pre-season". No need to find other words for Watford.
- I've specified it as their stadium for his debut.
- "but their defensive record was good" remain neutral.
- Reworked to let the facts do the talking.
- Personal life
- First section belongs in Early life more than here. I always thought personal life was current personal life.
- The information is relevant to him, as opposed to actually about him. I guess it could conceivably go in either section. Leaving it here gives the added advantage of not having to worry about chronology (we don't know when Dennis played).
Thanks for the review! --WFC-- 16:02, 15 August 2010 (UTC)
Passed[edit]
Quick reply, all points dealt with quickly, so I'll pass this GAN. Please consider reviewing another GAN at WP:GAN. Sandman888 (talk) Latest FAC 16:23, 15 August 2010 (UTC)