Talk:Noi doi/GA1
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
GA Review[edit]
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Reviewer: Aoba47 (talk · contribs) 04:06, 5 November 2017 (UTC)
- Infobox and lead
- I am confused about the following (stylized as "Noi 2”) as the title does not appear to have that stylization on the single cover. In what context does this stylization appear? It is not addressed directly in the body of the article either.
- For this sentence (The track was written by Stan and Chriss JustUs, while production was handled by Cristian Tarcea, Alex Parker, Laurențiu Popescu and the singer.), the following phrase “and the singer” reads a little awkwardly to me. I would try to revise this to avoid it. I know that his kind of sentence is always the most annoying when writing about songs, but I would revise this if possible. Some comment applies to a similiar sentence in the “Background and composition” section.
- I have a clarification question about this sentence ( "Noi doi" is Stan's first single as a lead artist to be entirely written in Romanian.). Is this also her first song that she performed entirely in Romanian as a lead artist? If so, I would add that as well.
- For this setnence (Lyrically, it features the singer asking her love interest to come to the beach and spend time with her.), could you shorten this part “asking her love interest to come to the beach and spend time with her” to “asking her love interest to spend time at the beach with her”?
- In this phrase (An accompanying music video for the track ), I do not believe “for the track” is necessary as it is understood in the context. I think you can delete that part.
- For this part (it features Stan and two other women on a yacht trip.), I would change “yacht trip” to just “yacht”. I have not heard of the phrase “yacht trip” before, but I am pretty poor.
- For the infobox image, the use rationale is worded for Cherry Pop. Please revise this to fit the article on the single.
- Background and composition
- See my above comment about the first sentence in thi;s section.
- See my above question about if this is her first song performed entirely in Romanian.
- The following phrase is a little awkward (The lyrics of "Noi doi" contain, translated in English, an invitation to her love interest:) and can be revised to read better. I would suggest something like (The lyrics of “Noi doi”, when translated to English, feature an invitation to a love interest).
- Reception
- For this phrase (He went on labelling), I would shorten it to “labeled”
- I do not think that the "great" is necessary. You can paraphrase this.
- In this phrase (while likening it to Stan's previous singles "Vanilla Chocolat" (2014) and "Écoute" (2016).), I am not certain about the use of the word “likening”. I think that “comparing” would fit better here.
- For this part (moving to number 80 the next edition), I do not know what you mean by “the next edition”.
- Clarify that 80 was the song’s peak on the chart.
- Music video and promotion
- What do you mean by “a stripped-down performance”? Was it an “acoustic performance”?
- In this part (was uploaded onto the singer's), you do not need the word “was”.
- See above comment about “yacht trip” wording.
- You can paraphrase "riding the waves” as the quote is rather vague and unnecessary. Same goes for "parading around”.
- I would change “in a beach setting” to “at the beach”.
- This is a really long sentence (The clip mainly portrays Stan and two other women "riding the waves" on a yacht trip, but also includes scenes of the singer "parading around" with a blow-up banana in a beach setting, performing to the song in front of a blue car, and residing at what appears to be a circus with the two fellow women.) and needs to broken apart into separate sentences. There is no reason to cram all of this information into one sentence alone.
- You could replace the "very well” quote with your own words.
- I am confused by this line (Writing for his own website, he speculated that a scene portraying the singer and the two fellow women pulling a towel from a man's waist could feature Stan's real-life boyfriend Bogdan Stăruială.), specifically the word “speculated”. The scene either featured Stan’s boyfriend or it did not. I do not see much room for speculation there. Please revise this.
- Final comments
- Great work with this. Once everything is addressed, I will pass this. Aoba47 (talk) 04:30, 5 November 2017 (UTC)
- @Aoba47: Thank you very much for your review ! I have done everything apart from 2 things:
- I would keep the "Noi 2" stylization, as this is its title on iTunes and various publications referred to it that way.
- I would also keep the "speculation" part in the sentence with her boyfriend, as the camera does not focus on him during the music video. The publication speculates that it is her boyfriend, but it could also be someone else. Cartoon network freak (talk) 12:05, 5 November 2017 (UTC)
- Final verdic
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.