Talk:Phresh Out the Runway/GA1

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Reviewer: Status (talk · contribs) 03:20, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Infobox
  • Is there any reason why mid-dots are used instead of comma's? Just curious.
    No :-). I think it looks better. Lol. AARON• TALK 17:32, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Since it is a song, it doesn't actually have a format. To explain better, the song was also released to CD, etc, etc. Formats are used for singles. I'm not sure why that's even a field for songs, actually, as it should never be used (except for promo singles, of course).
    I can't see anything? AARON• TALK 17:32, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • David Guetta and Terius Nash (is he actually credited as that?) should be linked in writers, as that section appears first. Also, link Robyn Fenty to Rihanna, since people may not realize that's her real name.
    He is only credited as The-Dream for some other things he did, not writing or production. AARON• TALK 17:32, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Lead
  • "She revealed that she and Guetta had collaborated on a new song via Twitter" → Not sure how important this is to the song.
    It's not there. AARON• TALK 17:32, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • rave music → rave
    I think Tomica did this. AARON• TALK 17:32, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • which contains → that contains
    Same here. AARON• TALK 17:32, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • and bass → Most songs contain bass, that really doesn't say anything. I notice later on in mentions a "heavy bass", then it should state that.
    And here. AARON• TALK 17:32, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Lyrically, Rihanna explains how if any of her crew does not respect her, then she should no longer remain with them. → Really not feeling how this sentence is worded. Typically, because we usually write such things in the third person. But I'm not sure.
  • Yeah, Tomica seems to have done everything, but without adding a "done" tag. TSK TSK!

Moving on...

Background and production
  • Not sure what it's so important to go into as much detail about "Diamonds" being announced. Also the album title, it doesn't have anything to do with the song.
  • I don't really think all her tweets are in need of being displayed. Simply write out what she said, translating it into English first, of course (LOL, I couldn't help myself...)
  • "was also co-written" → No need for "also"
 Done — Tomíca(T2ME) 22:26, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The record engineer was" → Don't like this wording at all, I suggest: "Josh Campbell engineered the song, with assistance from Joel Peters at SARM Studios in London."
 Done — Tomíca(T2ME) 22:26, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "while it was mixed by Jaycen Joshua at SARM Studios and Metropolis Studios in London." → This should go last, as it is the last thing that's done during the production of a song. Personally, I like wording it along the lines of "The song was finally mixed..."
 Done — Tomíca(T2ME) 22:26, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Composition and lyrics
  • "the song's composition is "chaotic..." → Missing a word here.
 Done — Tomíca(T2ME) 22:26, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Mentasm is a song, not an album.
 Done — Tomíca(T2ME) 22:26, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • The Boston Globe's James Reed labeled "Phresh Out the Runway" a club banger that contains heavy bass "that rumbles more in your chest instead of rattling your feet" → The Boston Globe's James Reed labeled "Phresh Out the Runway" as a club banger containing a heavy bass "that rumbles more in your chest instead of rattling your feet".
 Done — Tomíca(T2ME) 22:26, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • When quoting song lyrics (and explaining them a bit beforehand), a colon should be used, not a comma.
 Done — Tomíca(T2ME) 22:26, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Critical reception
  • Lead says "mixed to positive".
  • Some issues here too with the quotes.
  • I copy-edited the section. I don't see further issues with the quotes. If you believe there are more, please post them here. — Tomíca(T2ME) 16:44, 25 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Live performances
  • Rihanna performed "Phresh Out the Runway" for first time at the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show alongside with the lead single from Unapologetic, "Diamonds", on November 7, 2012. → This sort of makes it sound like she performed "Diamonds" also for the first time then. Or did she? Also, there's no need to note what "Diamonds" is, it's not very important.
  • The show is set to air on December 4, 2012 on CBS. → Is it?
  • "It was included..." → What was included?
  • "..."uphill climb"for..." → Missing space
     Done  — AARON • TALK 22:37, 20 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
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