Talk:Robert Napuʻuako Boyd/GA1
GA Review
[edit]| GA toolbox |
|---|
| Reviewing |
Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch
Reviewer: Catrìona (talk · contribs) 22:58, 13 August 2018 (UTC)
Please reply individually under each of my comments and mark with 
Done, 
Fixed, 
Added, 
Not done, 
Doing..., or 
Removed, followed by any comment you'd like to make. Catrìona (talk) 22:58, 13 August 2018 (UTC)
Lede
[edit]Could you make it clear that he was studying in Italy?
- Done. KAVEBEAR (talk) 03:43, 14 August 2018 (UTC)
he attended the Royal Naval Academy at Livorno. He became a friend of Robert William Wilcox, another Hawaiian student enrolled at Turin.
It's confusing that the other student was "also" studying at a different city.
- They traveled together to Italy from Hawaii and would have spent vacations under the same government-appointed guardian Cerulli. KAVEBEAR (talk) 03:43, 14 August 2018 (UTC)
Early life
[edit]His family background was of British and Hawaiian descent.
He was of British and Hawaiian descent?
- Yes, changed that. KAVEBEAR (talk) 03:43, 14 August 2018 (UTC)
His two-time great-grandfather
What is that?
- He was great-grandfather to Robert on both his mother and father's side of the family. His parents were both grandchildren of John Harbottle. KAVEBEAR (talk) 03:43, 14 August 2018 (UTC)
I suggest that you separate out the citations for this section, or else bundle them.
- I can bundle the excessive ones but three is not usually considered excessive on GA or FAC. KAVEBEAR (talk) 03:43, 14 August 2018 (UTC)
Later life
[edit]You refer to "his friend Wilcox" twice in two paragraphs, and unnecessarily repeat Wilcox's full name.
- Fixed. KAVEBEAR (talk) 03:43, 14 August 2018 (UTC)
Is there nothing more to say in this section? It's just a bit unusual that the "Education" section is longer than the rest of his life.
- Will look into this.KAVEBEAR (talk) 03:43, 14 August 2018 (UTC)
- He led a pretty dull life after this point. The Hawaii State Archives does not contain any mention of his political career. He seem to have never been elected to any real office despite trying to run in elections and joining political meetings. I did add some personal details about his life. KAVEBEAR (talk) 05:07, 14 August 2018 (UTC)
The last image hangs awkwardly into the references.
- Will look into this too.
- I think it is okay now.
One more thing
[edit]tried for treason and conservation
—what is the crime of conservation?
- Corrected. It was conspiracy. KAVEBEAR (talk) 14:42, 14 August 2018 (UTC)
Passing
[edit]Although most of the sources are paywalled, the ones that are accessible check out. Congratulations KAVEBEAR! Catrìona (talk) 14:49, 14 August 2018 (UTC)
Good Article review progress box
|
