Talk:Sīne mālāmāl-e dard ast

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Alterations to translation[edit]

I have reverted the alterations recently made, for various reasons.

(1) "Chest" or "breast"? In poetry, "breast" is appropriate, e.g. "With new-fledged hope still fluttering in his breast" (Wordsworth); "The tall tree's shadow sleeps upon his breast" (Coleridge) – "chest" would sound wrong in these lines.

(2) "a cup of wine" for "a cup" / "rest for a moment" for "rest a moment" / "seeks for a remedy" for "seeks a remedy" / "while having your pain" for "having your pain". There is no need to add the extra words, I believe: it doesn't improve the English and it spoils the rhythm in some cases.

(3) "the conditions of these times" for "these conditions": it is possible that Hafez is being deliberately ambiguous here, so the original should be left.

(4) "beautiful candle(lover)" for "candle of Chegel": the meaning of Chegel is explained later in the article, so there is no need to paraphrase it; it should be left as it is.

(5) "make Humnity (sic) anew" for "make Adam anew": "Humanity" is not objectionable, but since in other poems (e.g. Dūš dīdam ke malā'ek) Hafez writes literally of the creation of Adam, which was an important Sufi image, I believe it should be kept as it is. Kanjuzi (talk) 11:55, 14 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]