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GA Review

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Reviewer: Sainsf (talk · contribs) 11:30, 19 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Hi! I am interested to review this. Will start adding my comments from today itself. Sainsf <^>Talk all words 11:30, 19 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for taking this review! :-) Cerevisae (talk) 12:11, 19 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

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  • is one of the two Malaysian states on the island of Borneo Could add the other state in this line. Done
  • of the Malaysian federation Any link for "Malaysian federation"? What is it? Should "f" be in capital? Could add when this was founded. Done I have linked the Federation. Cerevisae (talk) 07:00, 20 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • It is also known as Bumi Kenyalang ("Land of the Hornbills"). These "a.k.a." names are typically added (in bold) just after the main name and its pronounciation (here, Sarawak).  Done
  • economic centre of state and seat of Sarawak I think this should read: economic centre of the state and seat of the Sarawak unless I got it wrong. Done
  • The capital city is ... Sibu, and Bintulu Better write Kuching, the capital city, is also the economic centre of state and seat of Sarawak state government. Other cities and towns in Sarawak include Miri, Sibu, and Bintulu. Done
  • As of the last census (2015) census in Malaysia or where? Don't link census. Done
  • Sarawak has an equatorial climate with tropical rainforests Can link "equatorial climate" and "rainforest" Done
  • Can "cave system" be linked? Done Linked "Cave" only. Cerevisae (talk) 07:00, 20 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • Rajang River is the longest river in Malaysia. Bakun Dam, one of the largest dams in Southeast Asia is located at one of the tributaries of the Rajang River. Combine these two sentences.  Done
  • Earliest human settlements in Sarawak was 40,000 years ago at Niah Caves. Could this be combined with the line on cave systems in the previous para?  Not done Niah Caves are different from Mulu caves. Niah Caves is best known for its prehistory but not its cave formations while Mulu caves is best known of its unique cave formations. However, there is no evidence of human inhabitants in Mulu caves. These two caves are situated inside different national parks. Cerevisae (talk) 07:00, 20 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • The state had a trading relationship with China during 8th to 13th century Link China. AD/BCE?  Done
  • Earliest human settlements in Sarawak was 40,000 years ago at Niah Caves Better say "date back to 40,000 years ago at the Niah Caves"  Done
  • for 100 years from 19th to 20th century Is "for 100 years" not redundant?  Done Removed "100 years". Cerevisae (talk) 07:00, 20 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • and later formed the federation of Malaysia Not clear who formed the federation: Sarawak or Britain?  Done
  • formed the federation of Malaysia This looks like a repetition from the first para. Could the two mentions be merged? And what again was this federation about?  Done Moved the Federation of Malaysia sentence from first para and replace this sentence. Cerevisae (talk) 07:00, 20 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • The state is multi-ethnic, multi-cultural, and multi-lingual To remove the repetition of "multi", could write The state exhibits notable diversity in ethnicity, culture and language.  Done
  • also known as Yang di-Pertua Negeri while the head "Negeri, while"  Done
  • is Chief Minister "the"  Done
  • English and Malay are official languages of the state Are these the only two official languages or the two major ones? Should be clearly written.  Done
  • while there is no official religion --> ; there is no official religion (use semicolon instead)  Done
  • celebrate Gawai Dayak festival "the"  Done
  • Duplinks (the word(s) linked twice, these are typically removed; there is no problem in linking a word in the lead as well as the main text) : Sabah  Done

Thank you. I have made a few more changes here, please check them. Can the first two paras of the lead be merged? The first looks too short and too many paras may not look good. Sainsf <^>Talk all words 07:18, 20 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Etymology

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  • What is the source for the pronunciation of "Sarawak"? Could use this source: [[1]] Done
The trouble now is whether we include the English or the Malay pronunciation. The Malay one has no source yet. And the same pronunciation should be mentioned both in the lead and Etymology. Sainsf <^>Talk all words 07:51, 20 March 2016 (UTC)  Done I decided to use the English pronounciation. Cerevisae (talk) 13:04, 21 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • of the word Sarawak Sarawak in double quotes  Done
  • from Sarawak Malay word of serawak which means antimony Better say from the Sarawak Malay word serawak, which means antimony  Done
  • Pangeran Muda Hashim , John Brooke You need to introduce these people. Links?  Done
  • However, such an explanation has several flaws because the territory had already been named Sarawak  Done
  • before the arrival of James Brooke Simply say "Brooke"  Done
  • before the Malaysian federation the "formation" of  Done

Prehistory

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  • (located 110 km southwest of Miri) Could use a convert template  Done
  • Seems we have a contradiction here. According to the lead the first human settlement here was in the Niah Caves 40,000 years ago. This section says it was 50,000 years ago. Moreover The earliest evidence of human population in the area dates back to 40,000 BC in Niah Cave at Paleolithic period looks like a repetition  Done. Converted 50,000 years to 40,000 years. Removed the second sentence. Cerevisae (talk) 09:58, 21 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • a Homo sapiens skull Can we simply say "human" skull?  Done "modern human skull" used. Cerevisae (talk) 09:58, 21 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • and plant gathering What exactly does this mean?  Done "gathering of edible plants" used. Cerevisae (talk) 09:58, 21 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • and more open than it is now What does this mean?  Done "exposed" used. Cerevisae (talk) 09:58, 21 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • Unfossilised What does this mean?  Done "without becoming a fossil" used. Cerevisae (talk) 09:58, 21 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • I have done some copyediting here and here, please check that the meanings of the lines are not altered. Please check the errors made and do not repeat them in future.

Bruneian empire

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Brooke dynasty

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Japanese occupation and Allied liberation

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British crown colony

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Self-government and the Federation of Malaysia

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Territorial disputes

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Government and politics

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  • Yang di-Pertuan Agong can this be translated?  Done He is simply known as the king. Cerevisae (talk)
  • Could not understand these parts:
  • Duplinks: Sarawak State Legislative Assembly, Sarawak United Peoples' Party, Abdul Rahman Ya'kub, Abdul Taib Mahmud, North Kalimantan Communist Party, Sarawak National Party.
  • Copyedit: here  Done checked. Cerevisae (talk) 12:30, 24 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Subdivisions

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Security

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  • Duplink: Constitution of Malaysia  Done
  • Ninth Schedule of the Constitution of Malaysia stated that Why is this in past tense?  Done changed to present tense. Cerevisae (talk) 22:19, 24 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • that is suitable with the security in Sarawak What does this mean?  Done Removed the whole sentence. Even the website does not clearly specify the objectives and functions of this unit and also the rationale of creating this unit in Sarawak. Cerevisae (talk) 22:19, 24 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Geography

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  • Duplinks: Kalimantan, Southeast Asia, Kuching, Bintulu, Miri, South China Sea, Kenyah, Sarawak River, Rajang River, Baram River  Done
  • The coordinates should be written as in this line (from Kerala): Lying between northern latitudes 8°18' and 12°48' and eastern longitudes 74°52' and 77°22'  Done
  • Mount Batu Lawi, Mount Mulu and Mount Murud as the highest point in Sarawak Can be clearer, could not understand very well  Done changed to "becoming the higher near the source of the Baram River with the steep Mount Batu Lawi, and Mount Mulu. Mount Murud is the highest point in Sarawak." Cerevisae (talk) 03:12, 25 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • UNESCO World Heritage Site Link  Done
  • Sarawak is a tropical country with an equatorial climate Links?  Done
  • between 23 °C in the morning and 32 °C in the afternoon , between 330 cm and 460 cm Convert templates?  Done
  • while podzol accounts for 12% of the Sarawak land area. Alluvium is found in the coastal and riverine regions while 12% of Sarawak land area are covered with peat swamps Just need to ensure that peat and podzol are not the same. I hope you have not repeated the fact?  Donepodzol and peat are not the same. Podzol soil is for eucalypt, coniferous, and boreal forests in temperate areas while peat is for peat swamp forests. However, podzol can also be found in tropical areas in lesser extent. Quote from Podzol article: "but they can also be found in other settings including both temperate rainforests and tropical areas". Cerevisae (talk) 03:12, 25 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • While the youngest Igneous rock in this region is Andesite lava at Sematan. Could not understand this.  Done changed "Andesite lava" to "Andesite rock"
  • Types of stones that can be found here What exactly is "here"?  Done changed to "central and northern Sarawak". Cerevisae (talk) 03:12, 25 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • I have done more copyediting: here and here.  Done checked. Cerevisae (talk) 03:12, 25 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Biodiversity

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Economy

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  • Duplinks: Kuala Lumpur, Labuan, Bintulu, Miri, Luconia Shoals  Done
  • Manufacturing industry of Sarawak mainly consisting of food and beverages, wood-based and rattan products, basic metal products, and petrochemical products Errors here. Is anything missing? Same in the immediately next sentence  Done changed to "The main contributors for manufacturing industry are: food and beverages, wood-based and rattan products, basic metal products, and petrochemical products." and "Meanwhile, services industry are contributed by cargo transportation services, air transport, and tourism." Cerevisae (talk) 03:14, 26 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • Link petrochemical  Done
  • Sarawak contributed 10.1% of the national GDP GDP of Malaysia?  Done Used "GDP of Malaysia".  Done
  • RM 527 million in 1963 to RM 58 billion in 2013 Can we use money conversion templates here? And in the rest of the section?  Done Wikipedia templates doesn't recognise Malaysian Ringgit. I used manual conversion instead. Cerevisae (talk) 03:14, 26 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • Sarawak state government is able to maintain fiscal surpluses over seven years until 2013, supported by oil and gas industry which accounted for 34.8% of the state's revenue Why is this in present tense? Same for Total exports as a percentage of GDP is more than 100% in 2013  Done Used past tense. Cerevisae (talk) 03:14, 26 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • sawlogs, and sawn timber Link sawn timber. Sawlog is to be linked here, but it is linked a little later in the section  Done
  • What is oil royalty?  Done added "(percentage of oil production paid by the mining company to the lease owner]])" Cerevisae (talk) 03:14, 26 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • Link UN  Done
  • The last UN statistics Year?  Done
  • WTK, and KTS Full names?  Done
  • last 4 years until 2013 Don't say "last ... years", always give the years themselves  Done changed to "from 2009 until 2013". Cerevisae (talk) 03:14, 26 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • Link poverty rate  Done Linked poverty.Cerevisae (talk) 03:14, 26 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • CE here  Done checked. Cerevisae (talk) 03:14, 26 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Energy

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  • Duplinks: Bakun Dam, Murum Dam, Liquefied Natural Gas, Sarawak Corridor of Renewable Energy, Bintulu, Mukah  Done
  • There are currently three operational dams in Sarawak as of 2015 Omit currently  Done
  • Sarawak also derived its electrical energy Why in past tense?  Done changed to present tense. Cerevisae (talk) 10:36, 29 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • "research and development" Link not needed.  Done
  • Link biomass, tidal, hydroelectric  Done
  • coal fired power plants You mean coal-based ?  Done changed to "coal-based" Cerevisae (talk) 10:36, 29 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • aluminium, glass, steel, oil, fisheries, livestock, timber, and tourism Are the industries listed in terms of priority? They are all high priority areas but themselves are not arranged in terms of priority. Cerevisae (talk) 10:36, 29 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • The last lines list future plans. When were they planned?  Done Plans were started since 2008. Cerevisae (talk) 10:36, 29 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Tourism

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Infrastructure

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  • In 2009, 94% of urban areas and 67% of rural areas has electrical supply. In 2014, 91% of the rural areas has electrical supply. Combine the two lines. And "has" should be "have".  Done
  • What is fixed line penetration rate and mobile phone penetration rate?  Done changed to "In terms of telecommunication, the coverage of fixed phone line in Sarawak was 25.7%, and the mobile phone usage was 93.3% in 2013." Cerevisae (talk) 06:46, 30 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • Computers usage was only 45.9% in the same year. Internet usage was 58.5% in urban areas and 29.9% in rural areas What are the percentages indicating? The percentage of people using this? State clearly.  Done changed to "Percentage of people using the internet was 58.5% in urban areas and 29.9% in rural areas." Cerevisae (talk) 06:46, 30 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • Sacofa Sdn Bhd What is Sdn Bhd?  Done added "(Sacofa Private Limited)" Cerevisae (talk) 06:46, 30 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • Don't link Information technology  Done
  • CE here  Done checked. Cerevisae (talk) 06:46, 30 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Transport

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Healthcare

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  • 1Malaysia clinics What is that?  Done
  • A variety of traditional medicinal practices are still being used by the various communities in Sarawak Would be interesting if we can have further sourced info on this.  Done added four sources. Cerevisae (talk) 13:45, 30 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • There are 2,237 doctors in Sarawak... As of which year?  Done
  • CE here  Done

Demographics

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  • Note: This section has been repeatedly vandalized by some IPs. Please check that the percentages and figures are still accurate.  Done
  • Duplinks: Ibans, Bidayuh, Melanau, Murut, Iban people, Peninsular Malaysia  Done
  • As of the 2015 census Of where?  Done

Iban

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  • Sarawak has the highest number of Ibans in Borneo Their number?  Done
  • I think the groups should be arranged alphabetically, or is there some other order here?  Not done These are arranged in terms of hierarchy. The first one to be mentioned is of the highest hierarchy, followed by the second one in the hierarchy. Cerevisae (talk) 11:47, 31 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • Duplink: Rajang basin  Done
  • when headhunting was prevalent What is headhunting? Has this been mentioned elsewhere?  Not done It is linked in the sentence "Piracy, slavery, and headhunting were also banned." in the "Brooke dynasty" section. Cerevisae (talk) 11:47, 31 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • symbol of ritual well being among its households What does it mean?  Done changed to "ritual symbol" Cerevisae (talk) 11:47, 31 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Chinese

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  • The Chinese first came to Sarawak as traders and explorers in the 6th century AD/BC?  Done
  • They organised themselves economically Meaning?  Done Sentence removed. Cerevisae (talk) 12:37, 31 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • before subscribed to the ideology of Sarawak nationalism after the formation of Malaysia in 1963 Meaning?  Done changed to "before adopting the ideology of Sarawak nationalism after 1963." Cerevisae (talk) 12:37, 31 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • Duplinks: Bau, Sarawak, Sarawak River, Sibu, Rajang River, Miri  Done

Malay

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  • (Malay kampung/village) What does it mean? Write properly  Done Removed "kampung". Just use "village" Cerevisae (talk) 10:56, 29 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • They choose to build settlements (Malay kampung/village) along the river banks. Today, they migrated to urban areas So is the first line about what they did in the past? The second line is grammatically wrong and I can not understand it.  Done changed to "They chose to build settlements (Malay villages) along the river banks. Today, they migrate to urban areas and work in public and private sectors." Cerevisae (talk) 12:47, 31 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • silver/brass craftings What does "/" mean?  Done changed to "silver and brass crafts" Cerevisae (talk) 12:47, 31 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • Examples of Malay kampungs (villages) You have already defined it Don't repeat  Done
  • Duplinks: Fort Margherita, Melanau  Done

Melanau

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  • Duplink: Mukah  Done
  • kampungs (villages) Why define again?  Done Removed "kampung" Cerevisae (talk) 10:57, 29 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • They worked as fishermen, boat-builders, and craftsmen. The Melananus originally practices paganism but today most of them are Muslims. However, some of them still practices Christianity and paganism. They do celebrate traditional animists Kaul festival. Very poorly written. Please correct it yourself, I may change the meaning accidentally.  Done changed to "They originally practiced paganism and celebrate Kaul festival but today most of them are Muslims." Cerevisae (talk) 09:11, 1 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Bidayuh

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  • Link percussion, limestone  Done

Orang Ulu

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Religion

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  • Duplinks: Abdul Rahman Ya'kub, Yang di-Pertuan Agong, Iban, Bidayuh, Orang Ulu Malay, Melanau, Kedayan, animism.  Done
  • Sarawak constitution The Constitution of Sarawak  Done
  • BEM or Sidang Injil Borneo, S.I.B. One short form uses periods, the other does not  Done
  • Buddhism, Taoism, and Chinese Folk Religion Link. Why are caps used in Chinese Folk Religion?  Done Used small letters. Cerevisae (talk) 09:38, 1 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • Other minor religions in Sarawak are Baha'i, Hinduism, Sikhism, and animism. Source?  Done Four sources added. Cerevisae (talk) 15:45, 1 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Languages

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  • Duplinks: Stephen Kalong Ningkan, Abdul Rahman Ya'kub, state legislative assembly, Chief Minister, Adenan Satem, Sarawak Malay, Orang Ulu  Done

Culture

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  • Sarawak has a multiracial, multicultural, and multilingual society Reword as I suggested in the lead  Done
  • Religions such as Christianity have affected the lives of indigenous people particularly Kelabit people and Lun Bawang people. Christianity plays an important role in their daily lives, and has changed their ethnic identities.  Done changed tp "Christianity plays an important role in the daily lives of the Kelabit and Lun Bawang and has changed their ethnic identities." Cerevisae (talk) 22:51, 1 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • Carpenter Streets Should this be "Street"?  Done
  • Duplinks: Headhunting, Kelabit people, Lun Bawang, Mount Santubong, Fort Margherita, Kapit, Kuching, Bario, Ba'kelalan, Sibu, Chinatown, Kuching Done

Fine arts and crafts

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  • Duplink: Sapeh, Universiti Malaysia Sarawak  Done
  • Hikayat Panglima Nikosa Who wrote it?  Done

Media

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  • The government and its wealthy allies virtually controls every newspapers in Sarawak through restrictive laws and personal connections. Looks like a risky sentence. I think the "wealthy allies" and "controls every paper" parts should be omitted. It is a fact that they impose laws and restrictions - so keep just them. I am not sure what to do about the subsequent examples. You may say "the Sarawak government is popularly believed to exert its influence over the media." I do not think the allies part is proper here. Done Changed to "The Sarawak government is popularly believed to exert its influence over the media. Examples of newspapers based in Sarawak are ..." Cerevisae (talk) 10:47, 29 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • Duplink:Rimbunan Hijau  Done Removed. Cerevisae (talk) 10:47, 29 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Holidays and festivals

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  • Duplinks: Sarawak Self-government Day, Gawai Dayak  Done

Sports

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Sources

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  • Format refs. 20, 76, 77, 78, 276, 278 properly  Done
  • Why is bold used in ref 75?  Done
  • Refs. 315, 316 may not be reliable  Done

Paraphrasing possibility

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Earwig's copyvio detector found some paraphrasing which you can see here. You need to reword the portions accordingly. Sainsf <^>Feel at home 12:12, 24 March 2016 (UTC) Done Now reduced to 9.1% Cerevisae (talk) 04:45, 2 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Cerevisae: I believe I have completed the list of issues. Take your time and work through the issues carefully. Good luck! Sainsf <^>Feel at home 13:04, 24 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Sainsf: Thanks, your help is greatly appreciated! Cerevisae (talk) 22:04, 24 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
@Sainsf:  Done All issues addressed! Cerevisae (talk) 04:45, 2 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

I have no words for your work! I am truly happy to promote this. Congrats! Sainsf <^>Feel at home 05:01, 2 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]