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Opinion

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Guys, I would like to have your opinion about each sections. I honestly think Sayaka's article is better than Homura's. Reception section is lacking information, I'll try to expand it later, and also maybe the development section. Any suggestions would be helpful. Thank you! NotEnglishSpeaker (talk) 21:36, 8 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]

GOCE copyedit request

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  • She highly respects and admires her senior Mami Tomoe [...] Can "senior" be changed to "upperclassman"? —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 05:50, 8 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
I support this. Should I change it?
 Done. Changed it to "upperclassman". —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 04:22, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Sayaka learns what it means to be a magical girl, and struggles to not abandon her ideals of justice, which eventually leads to her downfall. Somewhat edited already. Does she become a witch because she does or does not abandon her ideals of justice? —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 05:50, 8 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Actually, Sayaka becomes a witch because she loses faith in her ideals and herself when she learns about soul gems and Hitomi's confession to Kyosuke. Should I rewrite the sentence?
 Done. Rewrote it. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 04:22, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • She appears in Puella Magi Madoka Magica the Movie: Rebellion, and fights with her friends against surreal monsters called Nightmares. Is there a reason the movie is mentioned in the lead? —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 05:50, 8 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Removed.
checkmark Done by requester. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 04:22, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Nope, she falls into despair/depression.
 Done. Left as is. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 04:22, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Urobuchi created Sayaka and based her personality on an "Urobuchi character", unlike the series protagonist, Madoka Kaname, who follows the style of character designer "Ume Aoki"'s characters. Somewhat edited. Why are there quotation marks around Ume Aoki's name? —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 05:50, 8 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
It's a mistake. My bad! I removed it.
checkmark Done by requester. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 04:22, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • In order to express these traits, Aoki designed the length of her hair and skirt asymmetrically to show that the right side of her body which has long hair and short skirt embodies femininity, while the left side of her body, which is drawn to look like boyish, has a design with short hair and a long skirt. This seems like too much detail; can we reduce this? —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 05:50, 8 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Yes, please feel free to do so.
 Done. Simplified. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 04:22, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Revised. Is it more clear now?
 Done. After seeing the concept drawings for Sayaka, I reworded it but kept "fortissimo" in. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 04:22, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Kitamura acknowledged that it was difficult to portray the character's changing of expressions but also said that it was "rewarding" and she "kind of enjoyed it". What does "changing of expressions" mean? —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 05:50, 8 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
This interview was translated from Japanese to English. I believe she meant that portraying Sayaka's different emotions was difficult for her.
 Done. Reworded it to make it flow better. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 04:22, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • She is a supporting character in Puella Magi Oriko Magica, and is seen to be a friend with Homura, walking with her alongside Madoka and Hitomi. Is Sayaka not friends with Madoka and Hitomi in this story? —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 05:50, 8 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Madoka and Hitomi are Sayaka's friend in all timelines. However, in this timeline, Sayaka also becomes a friend to Homura compared to the anime series.
 Done. Simplified the sentence so that it doesn't seem like Sayaka is more distant to Madoka and Hitomi . —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 04:22, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • In this timeline, Sayaka does not know about magic and is not a magical girl thanks to being protected by Homura from Kyubey. To confirm, Sayaka never becomes a magical girl at all in Oriko Magica? —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 05:50, 8 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Yes, Sayaka never becomes a magical girl in Oriko Magica.
 Done. Reworded the sentence. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 04:22, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • She fights alongside Mami, who gets injured while protecting her, though Homura and Kyoko arrive in time to give Sayaka the chance to heal Mami. Seems like too much detail; second half could probably be removed. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 05:50, 8 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
I agree with this, feel free to remove.
 Done. Removed the second half of the sentence and merged the remaining fragment with the next one. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 04:22, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • The character appears in several crossover games such as the role-playing puzzle game Crash Fever, and Kaden Shoujo, another RPG. Is it important to note that Crash Fever is a role-playing puzzle game or can it just be referred to as an RPG? —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 05:50, 8 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
I think it can just referred to as an RPG.
 Done. Simplified the sentence. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 04:22, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • [...] he says that Sayaka's design conveys her as a "forthright" character, but in truth, these traits of the characters "endure nightmarish tragedies and betrayals in their canonical narrative arcs". Everything past the first comma here seems to be a general theme for all characters, not just Sayaka. Sounds like it could be removed? —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 05:50, 8 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
I support this.
 Done. Removed fragment in question. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 04:22, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • She tries to assume Mami's role and believes that every magical girl should use their power to help people, thus getting resentful towards Homura Akemi and Kyoko Sakura due to their different role, and clashes with the latter over their ideals and wishes. What are these roles that Homura and Kyoko have? Does "latter" refer to Kyoko? —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 05:50, 8 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Homura fights for her wish (to protect Madoka) and Kyoko fights for herself unlike Mami who fights to protect people. I think "different role" should change to "different views"? What do you think? And yes, the "latter" refer to Kyoko.
 Comment: I think "views" might be better. From what I understand Sayaka doesn't like the two of them because their reasons are more selfish? —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 04:22, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"Views" definitely sounds better!
 Done. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 19:44, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Sayaka has appeared in several manga series related to Puella Magi Madoka Magica media [...] Emphasis in original. Is Puella Magi Madoka Magica the franchise's official name, or is there another one? —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 05:50, 8 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Puella Magi Madoka Magica is the franchise's official name.
 Partly done. I've tentatively changed the wording to use "franchise", as I'm guessing all these side stories are considered to be part of Puella Magi Madoka Magica. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 04:22, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Yes, all of the side stories are part of the Madoka Magica series, even Magia Record.
 Done! —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 19:44, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Blue goes on to explain that Sayaka only "wants to fight evil", and that she is only "focused on what she wants to do, rather than on what state of being she wants to achieve", noting that she "assumes that her action will bring that state of being about, but she is still failing to express the wish she truly desires." This paragraph is heavily quoted. I think it can be paraphrased more. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 05:50, 8 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Yes, okay, I'll try to rewrite the paragraph after some time.
 Comment: Alright! Let me know if you want some help here. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 04:22, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@Tenryuu: Hey, I tried to rewrite the paragraph but my prose isn't that good so I didn't save my edits...I would greatly appreciate it if could you rewrite the paragraph for me!
 Done. I think I reworded what Blue was trying to say sufficiently. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 19:44, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@NotEnglishSpeaker: Looking forward to your responses! —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 05:50, 8 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@Tenryuu: Excellent work! Thank you very much. NotEnglishSpeaker (talk) 18:00, 8 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@NotEnglishSpeaker: I've gone through and addressed some of the issues. There's a few more items that could use some more clarification. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 04:22, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@NotEnglishSpeaker: Ok, I think that's everything. If there is nothing else, I will consider this request complete. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 19:44, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@Tenryuu: Wow, the article looks much better now. Great work, thank you very much! NotEnglishSpeaker (talk) 20:33, 9 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

GA Review

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Reviewing
This review is transcluded from Talk:Sayaka Miki/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Tintor2 (talk · contribs) 15:50, 2 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Hello. Sorry for the big delay. I'll be reviewing this article. It looks like in nice shape so most of the issues I might find are easy. I managed to understand the article well despite me having never watched Madoka.Tintor2 (talk) 15:50, 2 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Okay let's start with the lead and infobox:
  • From what I read the first paragraph includes almost everything she does in the television series. While Wikipedia has no problems with spoilers, the lead is just meant to serve as an introduction to the character in the same fashion as a formal letter. The content "As the story progresses, Sayaka learns what it means to be a magical girl and struggles with her ideals of justice. She eventually loses faith in her ideals and herself, which leads to her downfall." sounds like the last things she does in the series. I'm not familiar with the series but I get this feeling when reading her appearances section.
  • In the second paragraph state who is Urobuchi. I'm pretty he is the writer but it is not explained.
  • In the third paragraph explain a bit what's her mental breakdown.
  • The infobox does not need references unless you are citing controversial information.
  • I don't know about the images but who is Sasagi Koushi? Generally, the original artist's drawings are preferred over others'.

@NotEnglishSpeaker: That's all for the lead and infobox. Will continue checking the next sections when you check this information. Although I have this on my watchlist, remember to ping my username in case I don't see it. Nice work.Tintor2 (talk) 16:24, 2 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Creation
  • The first mention of Urobuchi in the body is unexplained. Simply add "series writer Gen Urobuchi" to make it easier to understand.
  • "Urobuchi created Sayaka and based her personality on an "Urobuchi character", unlike the series protagonist, Madoka Kaname, who follows the style of character designer Ume Aoki's characters." This is quite confusing. What's an Urobuchi character? I mean I have created Urobuchi character articles like Akane Tsunemori and Shinya Kogami yet they are quite different. And what's the contrast to Aoki's style?
    • Urobuchi stated that Madoka is an unusual character for his writing style and he had her personality based on Ume Aoki characters, while Sayaka is more typical for his writing style and her personality was based on an "Urobuchi character". I tried to clarify the sentence. Does it make more sense now? NotEnglishSpeaker (talk) 00:41, 5 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • In the third paragraph Yume Aoki is linked for the second time in the same section.
  • "Urobuchi said that he developed her role in Puella Magi Madoka Magica the Movie: Rebellion " Are these the compilation movies? They need to be explained since it's their first mention in the body. Also remember to include the year of the movie if it is a single entry.
  • Voice acting seems to be well written. I managed to understand the entire section.
  • The character section seems a bit wp:plot while the design is already mentioned above by the creators. I would suggest merging it with appearances considering we are dealing similar information. That'd might make appearances easier to follow too.
  • Mami's death mention seems kinda random. Can you bring a bit of context to it?

@NotEnglishSpeaker: Will check following sections later. Keep up the good work.Tintor2 (talk) 16:05, 3 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Appearances
  • Introduce Kyosuke.
  • "over their ideals and they try to kill each other before" This sounds quite important but it seems like it needs an explanationabout what are those ideals
  • What's a Grief Seed?
  • Explain what's Puella Magi Madoka Magica the Movie: Rebellion (sequel, retelling?) and add the year.
  • Remember to use present tense in fiction unless it is relative to a flashback.
  • "The novel details how Sayaka met with Madoka and formed a friendship with her, becoming her childhood friend" Use present tense for fiction
  • Let's go over cultural impact onwards later.Tintor2 (talk) 02:25, 4 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@NotEnglishSpeaker: No problem. I understand these are complicated days for many I'll wait for the next ping.Tintor2 (talk) 00:47, 5 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

So since the user is has been busy and not other editors I asked worked into it, I'm failing this. Feel free to renominate it again once you have more time.Tintor2 (talk) 15:46, 28 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

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