Talk:Seventh German Inner Africa Research Expedition/GA1
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Reviewer: Eddie891 (talk · contribs) 16:28, 13 July 2020 (UTC)
Too interesting for me not to review. I'll comment shortly. Eddie891 Talk Work 16:28, 13 July 2020 (UTC)
- Comments
- Surely HIDDEK or Operation HIDDEK would be a good redirect to here?
- "The objective was to persuade Emperor Lij Iyasu" probably worth mentioning what nation they led (Ethiopia here, if I'm not mistaken)
- "Mahdist uprising in Sudan." perhaps you mean Anglo-Egyptian Sudan as you link to in the body
- "This could have threatened" do you mean the uprising, Ivasu supporting the Central Powers, or both?
- "it was abandoned" is there a date here?
- "This was instead led by Friedrich Salomon Hall" the follow-up expedition, the campaigning for one, or something else? Is Hall worth a red-link
- You could add a year for his ouster
- "has been described as epic and pioneering" I'd prefer to have attribution and perhaps a quote from somebody, rather than saying in wiki-voice "epic and pioneering"
- "They hoped that this would "force the enemy to commit large forces in defending their colonies in the Horn of Africa, thus weakening their European front and relieving the German forces fighting in German East Africa"" not a big deal, but I always recommend having attribution for quotes
- "and Mohammed Abdullah Hassan" I think it's worth briefly mentioning who Hassan was, but I don't know that it's worth having "(known to some as the "Mad Mullah")"
- "and could inspire jihad against the British" I'm not well learned in this specific area, but perhaps you mean "a jihad"?
- So what exactly was the 'Mahdist uprising' they hoped for? Who would be uprising against who? Your link is to the Mahdist State, which ended in 1898-ish, so perhaps you just mean Sudanese people? If so, how would the Germans instigate it, and why were they attempting to get Ethiopian support for an uprising that hadn't happened? I'm familiar with the Dervish movement (Somali), which was an ongoing resistance movement, in a way an uprising that doesn't need any instigating. Very likely that I'm missing something here, perhaps you could clarify?
- I'd imagine that restoring communications as an objective could be mentioned in the lede
- "Hall was to negotiate" It's unclear here whether you mean that his job was to negotiate this entry, or in the future he did negotiate that entry
- "to his Arab name "Abdul Kerim"" worth linking to Arabic name? Is that what you mean here?
- "whilst Frobenius' men used a toilet to enter the boat's sanitary tank" what now?
- Indeed, the source is very interesting reading: "Frobenius and company "concealed themselves in a corner of the hold, used, apparently, for the same purpose as the 'Sanitary Tank' in a more civilised vessel, having reached this unromantic hiding place through a hole, the uses of which it is difficult to describe in polite language...". Through a crack in their shithole, the Germans even took a photo of the Desaix which remains to this day in the archives of the Frobenius Institute in Frankfurt." - Dumelow (talk) 07:28, 17 July 2020 (UTC)
- "cataloguing the artefacts he had collected" collected during what? Just this expedition, all previously, or other work?
- "He published only one paper" did he normally publish more?
- "and any territory captured from the Allies" they really promised any territory, or just in Africa?
- The BBC has the wording of the agreement with Ethiopia as: "Now the time has come for Ethiopia to regain the coast of the Red Sea driving the Italians home, to restore the Empire to its ancient size ... Germany commits herself to recognize any territory which Ethiopia may conquer or occupy in military action against the Allied powers as being her rightful and permanent property and part of the Ethiopian Empire after the war." so it was any territory, though I doubt the Ethiopians had any means of conquering France, for example! - Dumelow (talk) 09:03, 17 July 2020 (UTC)
- suggest "Morphology of Culture in Frankfurt in 1920, later the Frobenius Institute of anthropology" -> "Morphology of Culture (later the Frobenius Institute of anthropology) in Frankfurt in 1920" if that's correct
Fascinating article, really nice work. My first comments are above, likely some more to come. Most are subjective and probably easy for you to clear up, happy to discuss any/all. Best wishes, Eddie891 Talk Work 12:46, 16 July 2020 (UTC)
- Images look good to me
- Sources all appear to be reliable
- For source 6d all I see is "Britain, France and Italy had encouraged the coup" not "orchestrated by the Allies "
- I'd recommend replacing sourced 3, 4, and 5 with one source and using {{Rp}} for page numbers
- All other sources I spotchecked lined up.
- Copyvio detector has 49.7% which is largely due to quotes and translations lining up, I've rephrased one bit.
- This article looks good to me: It is reasonably well written, referenced, illustrated, neutral, comprehensive, and otherwise meets the ga criteria. Passing --Eddie891 Talk Work 12:43, 23 July 2020 (UTC)