Talk:Siri Nilsen/GA1
GA Review
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Reviewer: GreatOrangePumpkin (talk · contribs) 11:37, 19 December 2011 (UTC)
- It is reasonably well written.
- a (prose):
b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
- There should be more links, like Oslo, folk, pop, acoustic, ballad, Norway, etc
- "Her mother is American" - do you know if she has dual citizenship? Maybe she is American-Norwegian.
- ??. I have not found an answer for that in the sources that I've read. Evenrød (talk) 06:58, 31 December 2011 (UTC)
- "Vi som ser i mørket (We who see in the dark) in 2009; " - I don't see any meaning of the semicolon; replace it with a comma
- I hardly understand Norwegian, so I need to ask you. When do Norwegians capitalize words? Do they capitalize nouns, for example? Not sure if we need to capitalize translated proper nouns
- Even though the italicized record album titles are written to follow Norwegian convention (only proper names are capitalized), I’ve capitalized the corresponding translated titles per English grammar rules - which I’ve noticed is already making the sentences in question more understandable and readable. Evenrød (talk) 06:58, 31 December 2011 (UTC)
- "Nilsen writes lyrics that are personal" - maybe her lyrics are about her personal life?
- I changed the wording on that Evenrød (talk) 06:58, 31 December 2011 (UTC)
- "with various music critics expressing similarity in noting the clarity and range of her voice, describing it in terms such as unique, beautiful, melancholic, and innocent." - that should be reworded
- "Nilsen plays ukulele in a string-plucking style" - isn't that obvious?
- My thinking on that was to include it for readers of this article who have never heard Nilsen before. In describing her sound I wanted to differentiate between what most people often associate ukulele playing with: a tinny-sounding strumming stereotyped in television and film as always Hawaiian - or else this variation of strumming: [1]; versus what her fingerpicking technique actually sounds like as demonstrated in the second track here: [2] I ended up rewriting that phrase. Evenrød (talk) 06:58, 31 December 2011 (UTC)
- "both acoustically and with the backing of a band." - this should be rewritten
- These are just examples. Article should be copyedited; I suggest requesting it at WP:GOCE/REQ.
- I'll submit it. Evenrød (talk) 06:58, 31 December 2011 (UTC)
- Before I make a final review, please fix those issues:
- In "Voice acting roles" there should be more wikilinks, eg "Star Wars: The Clone Wars"
- Printed publications, such as The Guardian, should be italicized
- And words such as "Spellemannprisen " should be in normal typeface
- In "Voice acting roles", names don't sort correctly -> use {{sortname}}
- Sentences can be easily merged together, eg "She is the daughter of Norwegian folk singer Lillebjørn Nilsen. Her mother is American. " It doesn't sound great.--♫GoP♫TCN 13:27, 25 January 2012 (UTC)
- OK that's done Evenrød (talk) 11:11, 31 January 2012 (UTC)
- a (prose):
- It is factually accurate and verifiable.
- a (references):
b (citations to reliable sources):
c (OR):
- Norwegian sources should be checked for reliability
- I've done that as I researched sources for the article. I don't know how reliable the two sources are for her voice acting roles however. There aren't contradictions between them however. Evenrød (talk) 06:58, 31 December 2011 (UTC)
- All Norwegian references should have a language parameter
- Do you mean (in Norwegian) on every reference? I've designated language=Norwegian on each ref so far. Evenrød (talk) 06:58, 31 December 2011 (UTC)
- Imdb and Youtube are unreliable
- Took them out Evenrød (talk) 06:58, 31 December 2011 (UTC)
- Norwegian sources should be checked for reliability
- a (references):
- It is broad in its coverage.
- a (major aspects):
b (focused):
- a (major aspects):
- It follows the neutral point of view policy.
- Fair representation without bias:
- Fair representation without bias:
- It is stable.
- No edit wars, etc.:
- No edit wars, etc.:
- It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
- a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales):
b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
- a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales):
- Overall:
- Pass/Fail:
- Pass/Fail:
- Checklinks check: ok
- Dabsovler check: ok
- Fixed dashes
- On hold for 7 days. Until those issues are resolved, I will continue my review. ♫GoP♫TCN 16:57, 28 December 2011 (UTC)
copy edit complete
[edit]I just wanted to let the reviewer and nominator know that I responded to the request made at the Guild of Copy Editors to copy edit this page. I clean up some of the grammar and punctuation, and I rearranged some sentences to form better paragraphs and to help the flow a little bit. As far as the prose is considered, I think it satisfied GA criteria. I did find one item that I believe requires a citation; I will leave the rest of the article considerations to the GA reviewer. --Tea with toast (話) 22:47, 14 January 2012 (UTC)
citation
[edit]I will probably bundle footnotes for that sentence in the lead paragraph. Thank you for the excellent copy edit. Evenrød (talk) 14:34, 16 January 2012 (UTC)
and..
[edit]In rereading the different sourced music reviews I'm seeing that the adjective, "melancholic" and what is meant by "personal lyrics/expression" (adding it back in) needs to be better defined within the article (the reviewer having already pointed out the latter) to show a more three-dimensional portrait, but mostly to just make it more understandable to readers. It's bad etiquette to figure this out after the copy edit, :( but I think that the clarifications will end up being positive. I'm not going to be able to do it for a few days. Evenrød (talk) 17:54, 17 January 2012 (UTC)