Talk:Sophie Scamps/GA1

GA Review[edit]

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Nominator: GraziePrego (talk · contribs) 05:47, 7 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Reviewer: BennyOnTheLoose (talk · contribs) 11:52, 9 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Rate	Attribute	Review Comment
1. Well-written:
	1a. the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct.
	1b. it complies with the Manual of Style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation.
2. Verifiable with no original research, as shown by a source spot-check:
	2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline.
	2b. reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose).
	2c. it contains no original research.
	2d. it contains no copyright violations or plagiarism.
3. Broad in its coverage:
	3a. it addresses the main aspects of the topic.
	3b. it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style).
	4. Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each.
	5. Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute.
6. Illustrated, if possible, by media such as images, video, or audio:
	6a. media are tagged with their copyright statuses, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content.	image is CC
	6b. media are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions.
	7. Overall assessment.

Early Life

It would be better to include her date of birth with the reference here (as well as in the lead), so that the citation for it can be removed from the lead.
"and was noted for her achievements in athletics" - noted by who? (I don't have access to the source at the moment)

Sporting career

What makes the-sports.org a reliable source (I was nervous to see a big "Thanks, Wikipedia" banner at their contact page)
Personal bests details should be changed to prose, or moved to a section after the prose parts of the article.
Spot check on " Olympic qualifying standard of 3:38.00" - would be good to see a fuller citation for the qualifying standards pdf.
Spot check on "Scamps was not ultimately selected by Athletics Australia to start any races at the 1992 Olympics" - one source says she "qualified for the 1992 Olympics as a middle-distance runner" but another (SMH) says she had not reached the qualifying standard. Isn't there a better source for here? I don't think these quite add up to support the text.

Higher Education

Suggest renaing this scetion, or maybe combining it with another, as it's short and is not all about her higher education.
Spot check on "Scamps studied Medicine at the University of Sydney graduating in 1995. Later, she received a Master of Public Health from University of New South Wales, and a master of Science with honours from the University of Oxford" - "graduating in 1995" not supported
"a Master of Public Health from University of New South Wales, and a master of Science with honours" - I know this is in line with the source, but how about adding the word "degree" in?
"carbon neutrality" - source has "reducing carbon emissions" which I think is slightly different.

2022 election campaign

Is it possible to add some context around "Scamps received A$1,558,960 from 828 separate donors..."? I don't think it's very useful as just a statement.

Member of Parliament (2022–)

Section should be reworded for flow - not just a series of paragraphs starting with dates like a timeline. Although it's an essay and not a policy, you might find WP:PROSELINE helpful.
What was the basis for deciding what to include? (Environmental policy looks significant, but perhaps not sections like Foreign affairs)

Personal life

"Scamps lives in Avalon on Sydney's Northern Beaches" - probably best to add an "As of (date)" qualification
Although the narrabeenfamilymedical.com.au source isn't independent, would it be worth adding some of that info about her career into an eareir section? (E.g. something like "According to her profile on the Narabeen Family Health website, Scamps practised emergency medicine in Canberra and at Royal North Shore and Mona Vale Hospitals, before electing to move into General Practice")

Lead

What's the source for her full name (Sophie Anna Rebecca Scamps)?
Wouldn't "competing in running at an Olympic standard" be more acurate than "competing in running at an Olympic level"? The latter suggests to me that she competed at the Olympics.

Overall

@GraziePrego: the prose needs some work and there are some other issues. Rather than me putting the review formally on hold now, would be you be willing to address my comments above before I do some more spot checks and continue the review? Regards, BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 11:38, 10 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Hi @BennyOnTheLoose, I can do that. Thank you for your comments so far. GraziePrego (talk) 11:44, 10 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]