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Talk:Speed Buggy/GA1

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The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.


GA Review

[edit]

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Reviewer: Aoba47 (talk · contribs) 02:31, 14 May 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Comments
  • In the lead, I would rephrase “who, alongside teenagers Debbie, Mark, and Tinker,” to say “alongside Debbie, Mark, and Tinker as they solve”. The original phrasing sounds a little odd as it separates the “who” verb and the “solves” phrase.
  • Please italicize Speed Racer.
  • In the phrase “the crew witnesses the theft of Belle's cattle on her ranch”, I would say “her cattle” as the subject is obvious from the previous part of the sentence.
  • The phrase “After discovering Speed Buggy” sounds strange to me, as it implies that Speed Buggy was lost or hidden from the public in some way. Is the Speed Buggy kept a secret from everywhere or something like that? I would use a different verb than “discovering”.
  • The phrase “While participating at a race” should be “While participating in a race”.
  • I would include topic sentences for the two paragraphs in the “Critical response” section.
Final comment
  • Thank you for responding to my review. It was an interesting article. Take as much time as you need as there is no rush on that review. I will  Pass this; I hope you are having a wonderful day so far. Aoba47 (talk) 14:18, 16 May 2017 (UTC)[reply]
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.