Talk:The Bells of Saint John/GA1

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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 16:38, 7 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

  • "the episode was the first episode" maybe just lose the second "episode".
  • Having said that, is "the episode was the first episode of the second half of the series" really important?
    • Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think the series was screened in two separate halves. (WP page on series 7 backs this up.) Thanks, Matty.007
  • "Official Poster from the BBC Website." ->"Official poster from the BBC website"
  • No need to link common geographical terms like London.
  • What is "The Great Intelligence"?
  • Quotes, including those in the lead, should be referenced and attributed.
    • Sourced in production. Is that OK? Matty.007
  • I'm not sure a link to Nuzzle and Scratch for Eve de Leon Allen is relevant here.
  • "As the girl leaves, it is revealed that the girl" repetitive, perhaps "As the girl leaves, it is revealed that she is..."?
  • tell him that "The bells of Saint John" -> why is The capitalised here?
    • I think it was because it is the episode name, but here I think capitalisation is wrong. Matty.007
  • "find the TARDIS exterior" repetitive, -> "find its exterior..."
  • "initially doesn't recognize" avoid contractions (does not) and use BritEng (recognise).
  • "internet" or "Internet"? Be consistent.
    • WP page uses caps, so changed to that. Matty.007
  • " which leads to The Doctor going to change out of his" -> "this leads The Doctor to change into..."
  • Is it "the Doctor" or "The Doctor"? Be consistent.
    • I think it is the Doctor. Changed Thanks, Matty.007
  • " and they go to a café to try and work out what's happening" not elegant prose at all. And avoid contractions. And no need for that accent, cafe is perfectly acceptable.
  • "the Great Intelligence" or "The Great Intelligence"?
    • 'the Great Intelligence'. Changeed. Matty.007
  • "The show was the official beginning for Clara Oswald" do you mean this episode?
  • "Wi-Fi!'".[7]" no need for that full stop.
  • Suggest you appropriately link companion somewhere in the prose.
  • "Filming began on 8 October;[3] some filming took place in London, at the Westminster Bridge and alongside the River Thames,[16] with motorbike scenes at the London locations filmed around 16 October 2012.[17][18] The rooftop scenes were filmed ..." film appears four times in two sentences, revise for better prose.
  • Is it "the Shard" or "The Shard"?
  • Normally hyphenate "four-and-a-half"
  • "Aladair" -> "Alasdair" perhaps?
  • "Summer Falls - a book " en dash instead of a hyphen.
  • Check reference titles for mis-use of hyphens, e.g. ref 20.
  • Avoid SHOUTING in the refs.

A few issues following this quick run-through, I'll put the article on hold for a week to allow changes to be made. The Rambling Man (talk) 11:20, 9 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I have fixed all except the dashes in refs, I don't know what to change it to. Thanks, Matty.007 12:25, 9 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]
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