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Talk:The Red Sea Sharks/GA1

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Reviewer: J Milburn (talk · contribs) 18:54, 14 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]


Happy to offer a review. Josh Milburn (talk) 18:54, 14 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

  • "there to aid the Emir Ben Khalish Ezab in regaining control after a coup d'état" This is a slightly odd construction; do you mean perhaps "with the intention of aiding" or "where they aid"?
    • I'm going with "with the intention of aiding", I think that that works best. Midnightblueowl (talk) 18:16, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "and that he has accordingly sent his son" Which he? Presumably the former?
  • "city of Wadeshah" The capital of Khemed, I'm guessing?
  • "they are attacked by fighter planes, with Tintin shooting one down and rescues its mercenary Estonian pilot, Piotr Skut." Tenses all over the place
  • Just a tiny thing, but you mention Snowy in the lead but he's absent from the plot.
  • "As the submarine attacks, Haddock captains the ship as it takes evasive manoeuvres" A little clumsy
  • "the MS Reine Astrid" Should "MS" be italicised? I'm genuinely not sure
    • From the looks of other Wikipedia articles (i.e. MS Arrow and the like) it would appear that it should not be italicised, so I'll make a change. Midnightblueowl (talk) 19:06, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "a motor yacht which Hergé had collected press clippings of." This doesn't quite work.
  • "Hergé's illustration of a frogman in the story was based on a press clipping of Lionel Crabb which he had collected." This hasn't been mentioned yet
    • It's a fairly minor plot element, and thus I don't think that it warrants a mention in the actual "Plot" section. However, I will ammend the prose at the suggested juncture in order to deal with the fact that the scene is not mentioned. Midnightblueowl (talk) 19:06, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Upon the story's British publication in 1960, it was renamed The Red Sea Sharks from Coke en Stock ("Coke on Board").[22]" Could this perhaps be merged with the paragraph before? Two short paragraphs in a row on basically the same topic...
  • "who worked at L'Afrique et le Monde ("Africa and the World")" What do you mean?
    • I've made some alterations to "In preparing the latter story he had consulted a colleague who worked for an African-themed magazine, L'Afrique et le Monde ("Africa and the World"); they translated some of the passages that Hergé wished to include in the story into Yoruba." Midnightblueowl (talk) 19:23, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • At what point of the story are the sharks? How about the cover image? These are surely important aspects!
    • Although a shark makes a brief appearance in the latter half of the story, I think the reference to "the Red Sea Sharks" is more metaphorical than literal; it is the slave traders who are the sharks, as it were. Midnightblueowl (talk) 19:23, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "leaving little room for Professor Calculus" When does he appear?
    • He makes cameo appearances in the scenes set in Marlinspike, and these are too small to warrant a mention in the Plot section. I'll add a link at the point in the article where we mention him, however. Midnightblueowl (talk) 20:20, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "had regained the pace and rhythm of his most creative period" What does this refer to? What was his creative period?
  • A silly point, maybe, but your adaptations section doesn't actually specify that The Red Sea Sharks was adapted
  • You link some authors in every citation, but Farr is linked only once. Consistency would be good!

Images are fine, sources are great. A really nice read. I'm seeing a few bits on Google Scholar (mostly, I think, about the possible racism) and the writing is a little choppy in places (paragraph 3 of the background section is a bit listy, for example) but these are things to think about if you're heading to FAC; I'm not going to hold up the GA nomination for them. If you're able to deal with the small issues above, I'd be happy to promote. Josh Milburn (talk) 19:41, 14 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks Josh! Midnightblueowl (talk) 20:20, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Ok- I've made some last tweaks and I'm now happy to promote this to GA status. My one outstanding question is this: we have an article at Wadesdah. I've linked this in the article but not changed your spelling. Which is right? Or are they both right? I'm not going to hold up promotion over this- just something to look into. Josh Milburn (talk) 09:52, 17 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks User:J Milburn; it is definitely "Wadesdah", so I shall correct the article type, however why we even have a Wadesdah article I don't know - it could probably be incorporated into the Khemed article without problem. Midnightblueowl (talk) 18:27, 17 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
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