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Talk:Treats!/GA1

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Reviewer: Mike Christie (talk · contribs) 23:18, 3 September 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I'll review this; I'll add comments below as I go through the article. It might take me a day or so to finish; I don't have much time tonight.

  • There is some unnecessary capitalization; job names like "art director" and "editor" are not usually capitalized in running text; nor is "Issue".
  • At one point the article says it has been published twice a year in each of three years, for a total of six issues; but later an issue 7 is mentioned.
  • Section title "Corporate info": I don't think "information" should be abbreviated
  • The magazine isn't located on La Brea Avenue; the editorial offices are. Actually I'd suggest moving this information to a bibliographic details section at the end, where you can include editorial office address, names of the editorial staff (where they're not named in the text above), price, number of pages, size (sounds like it's a slick), and volume numeration.
  • Have there been any overseas editions?
  • The first paragraph of the description gives essentially the same description of the magazine from five different sources. I think at least a couple of these can be cut as not giving the reader any new information. If you're looking for external sources describing the article, I think you can use a quote from Husni in the Daily Beast article; that's fairly thoughtful, specific, and doesn't exactly repeat the other descriptions. The detail about body hair also seems different enough to mention (from the same source).
    The changes here look good. I like Husni's quotes but if you don't feel they're necessary that's fine. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 05:57, 4 September 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The outtakes from photoshoots for his former employers serve as the featured content for this magazine": the source doesn't actually say this; it just describes the outtakes as part of the original idea for the magazine.
    • Fixed.--TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 02:25, 4 September 2014 (UTC)[reply]
      Currently (with a minor edit from me) the text says: "The magazine ostensibly presents much of the content that is considered too risqué for magazines such as Vogue, Elle and InStyle. Steve Shaw, the magazine's founder, had a nickname for the outtakes that pushed the borders too far: "treats". This nickname serves as the title for the magazine. The outtakes from photoshoots for his former employers serve as the inspiration for the featured content of this magazine". There are a couple of things I don't like about this: "ostensibly" doesn't seem the right word, and the sequence is a little choppy. How about: "According to Steve Shaw, the magazine's publisher, treats! was founded to present content that was too risqué for magazines such as Vogue, Elle and InStyle. Shaw's nickname for photos that could not be used because they pushed the borders too far was "treats", and he decided to use the nickname as the title for the magazine." Then you don't need the last sentence. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 05:53, 4 September 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • I believe there's still a requirement for US magazines to print audited information about their circulation at least once a year. This is just a suggestion, but if you have copies of the magazine, you should be able to include circulation figures.

-- Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 23:18, 3 September 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Everything looks good; I'll go ahead and pass this. Just FYI, if you want to specify when the price changed to $30, it appears it was issue four -- this image of issue three shows the cover price at $20, and this photo of issue 4 shows the price at $30. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 12:18, 4 September 2014 (UTC)[reply]

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