Talk:Tropical Storm Gabrielle (1995)
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[edit]Decent start, but I'd like to see some more info. Look through it again and try to smoothe out some of the edges; rewrite some sentences, combine others. This site has some good Mexican info, but it's in Spanish. Were there any tropical storm warnings? Is there a reason for its erratic path (or is it only due to Flossie)? Does NCDC have anything from Texas? Hurricanehink (talk) 04:01, 27 November 2006 (UTC)
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- This review is transcluded from Talk:Tropical Storm Gabrielle (1995)/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: Hurricanehink (talk · contribs) 15:19, 17 August 2012 (UTC)
- "As Gabrielle was impacting the east coast of Mexico, Hurricane Flossie in the Eastern Pacific was battering the Baja Peninsula" - the "as" is ambiguous. Does it mean "because"? "as a result of"? "Since"? It's not an ideal sentence starter. Also, could you use a less dramatic word than "battering"? It just makes me hungry and think of waffles.
- Should I change it to "Hurricane Flossie in the Eastern Pacific was battering the Waffle House"?--12george1 (talk) 16:36, 17 August 2012 (UTC)
- Mmm, yea. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 00:21, 18 August 2012 (UTC)
- Should I change it to "Hurricane Flossie in the Eastern Pacific was battering the Waffle House"?--12george1 (talk) 16:36, 17 August 2012 (UTC)
- "totaling to at least 19.44 inches (494 mm). " - why the "at least"? HPC says that was the peak. I think you should also say "peaking" instead of "totaling to". You should mention the HPC peak in the impact section too.
- Because there are reports of rainfall totals higher than that.--12george1 (talk) 16:36, 17 August 2012 (UTC)
- Have you told that to DR? --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 00:21, 18 August 2012 (UTC)
- Because there are reports of rainfall totals higher than that.--12george1 (talk) 16:36, 17 August 2012 (UTC)
- Add the exact rainfall for Texas.
- "damaging mainly unharvested cotton" - huh? I think you should swap "damaging" and "mainly"
- Fixed--12george1 (talk) 16:36, 17 August 2012 (UTC)
- "on the last week of July." - "during" might work better than "on".
- Fixed--12george1 (talk) 16:36, 17 August 2012 (UTC)
- "while east of the coast of northeast Mexico" - that's a little awkward. Why not say "east of Tamaulipas"?
- Fixed--12george1 (talk) 16:36, 17 August 2012 (UTC)
- "From the outset, its motion was hampered by that of Hurricane Flossie off the Pacific coast of Mexico" - poor start to a paragraph. You should say "the cyclone's" or something instead of "its". Also, was the motion really "hampered"? That sounds like a negative thing.
- Fixed--12george1 (talk) 16:36, 17 August 2012 (UTC)
- "at first. Deep convection fired up only gradually at first" - cut one of the "at first". Also, in that sentence, it doesn't seem like it took that long to strengthen. 18 hours as a TD isn't unusual.
- Fixed--12george1 (talk) 16:36, 17 August 2012 (UTC)
- But it didn't seem like it took that long to strengthen. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 00:21, 18 August 2012 (UTC)
- Fixed--12george1 (talk) 16:36, 17 August 2012 (UTC)
- "The track also shifted southward somewhat, shifting the threat from Texas into Mexico" - was the storm ever supposed to strike Texas? Also, remove one of the "shift"
- Including the final sentence in the previous paragraph, you have consecutive sentences starting with "The storm". Liven it up a bit!
- "Rains from Gabrielle flooded streets and destroyed bridges and highways in northern Mexico, which is an industrial capita" - a large region of Mexico is an industrial capital?
- Removed "industrial capital"--12george1 (talk) 16:36, 17 August 2012 (UTC)
- "The storm surge was also minor." - what else was minor to necessitate the "also"?
- Fixed--12george1 (talk) 16:36, 17 August 2012 (UTC)
- What caused the deaths?
- "minor beach flooding took place at some of the beaches in the region" - no need to say "beach" twice.
- Fixed--12george1 (talk) 16:36, 17 August 2012 (UTC)
- You didn't...--♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 00:21, 18 August 2012 (UTC)
- Fixed--12george1 (talk) 16:36, 17 August 2012 (UTC)
All in all, pretty good. Just some minor things. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 15:19, 17 August 2012 (UTC)
- Few more.
- "Widespread rain amounts of four to six inches from Gabrielle. Gabrielle's rain came after a drought" - avoid consecutive "Gabrielle's"
- Link UTC somewhere.
- --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 00:21, 18 August 2012 (UTC)
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