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GA Review

[edit]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.


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Reviewer: Spinixster (talk · contribs) 04:06, 4 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]


Hello! I will be reviewing this article. As this is my first time reviewing an article, I may make some mistakes; you are welcome to correct me. Reviews will be put under the GABox soon.

GA review
(see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose, spelling, and grammar):
    b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (references):
    b (citations to reliable sources):
    c (OR):
    d (copyvio and plagiarism):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects):
    b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales):
    b (appropriate use with suitable captions):

Overall:
Pass/Fail:

· · ·


Infobox and lead

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  • Infobox looks good, image has a valid non-free use rationale.
  • For the lead, I would suggest merging some sentences together as it feels awkward to read. For example:
Latino received criticism for posting the image, and the Brazilian Institute of Environment and Renewable Natural Resources (Ibama) released a statement which said that the singer would be held responsible for the post.

Early life

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  • I would recommend expanding the IBAMA acronym again in the first paragraph because the only part that explains the acronym is in the lead, and per MOS:LEAD, significant information should not appear in the lead if it is not covered in the remainder of the article.
  • ... the singer's fascination with the number 12, also because Twelves was born on "12/12/12". Change the comma to "and" and don't italicize Twelves. Also would suggest adding the first ref at the end of the sentence because the source used doesn't mention "12/12/12".
  • He asked me, "what do you want as a present?"... It should be clarified that "he" in this quote is the businessman who worked with him. You can do it like: [Businessman who worked with Latino] asked me, "what do you want as a present?"...
  • ... However, he thought the monkey was a cheap thing, not knowing that one of these costs about 120,000 to 150,000 Brazilian reais.
This translation seems too literal. I don't know Portugese, so you can correct me, but I think "However, he thought the price of a monkey was low, not knowing that one could cost around 120,000 to 150,000 Brazilian reals." could work.
Also, I think it's actually reals, per the Wikipedia article.
  • I would move the blockquote to be right after the third paragraph because it is weird to bring up the quote after the information about the monkey's name and the microchip.
  • Is the person who gifted Twelves a businessman who worked with Latino, like in reference 3, or is he Latino's former manager, as said in reference 7?
  • The couple had all the necessary Ibama documentation,... I would change it to something like "The couple had all the documents required by IBAMA".
  • I think an explanation as to why they needed documents by IBAMA and a pet microchip here would help.
  • The following month for his second birthday, there was a "super party" and it was televised and featured celebrity guests, including other monkeys. I would separate the sentence and rephrase a bit, something like: "For Twelves's birthday the following month, a "super party" was hosted. The event was broadcast live on television and featured celebrity guests, including other monkeys." I used 's after Twelves because of WP:'S.
  • On July 14, 2015, Latino and Rayanne separated, leaving the animal with the singer...
I would change "leaving the animal with the singer" to "leaving the animal to be in custody of the singer".
Also would use Morais instead of Rayanne for this sentence and the next, per MOS:SURNAME.

Controversy and disappearance

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Death

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Treatment and personality

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  • Like the last section, I would remove the blockquote as it doesn't really serve any purpose here.
    • Reduced quote. I think it's relevant to show how they "treat him like a son" and how that even "postponed their plans of becoming parents".
  • His monthly costs, around one thousand Brazilian reais, generated controversy. Monthly costs for what? Generated controversy for what? This part should be clarified. Something like "The monthly costs to take care of Twelves, which is around one thousand Brazilian reals, generated controversy as (reason)."
  • Latino also hired a private nanny for the animal, which was described as a "restless and noisy" creature and an "enlightened animal" for his dangerous behavior. I don't think the second part fits the sentence well, one part mentioning that Latino hired a private nanny for him, the other describing his personality. I would pair the second part with the next sentence since it seems quite short. Example: "Described as a "restless and noisy" creature and an "enlightened animal" for his dangerous behavior, he often went out for walks."
  • Perhaps a better sentence combination would help. I would mention the treatment first (from Twelves was treated similarly to a human baby to the end of the first paragraph and the second paragraph minus the sentence mentioned before), then personality, then the last sentence of the third paragraph. Then, in a new paragraph, the monkey's publicity and popularity (the first sentence of the first paragraph and the rest of the third paragraph).

Overall/other comments

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I will be putting the article on hold for now. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. Spinixster (chat!) 11:37, 4 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

@Spinixster: All issues were resolved. Skyshifter talk 12:51, 12 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you for letting me know. I will be looking over the article again now. Spinixster (chat!) 09:11, 13 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]
There's an error on ref 26; I have fixed it for you. Spinixster (chat!) 11:10, 13 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

@Spinixster: Thank you reviewing this article :) Skyshifter talk 12:25, 15 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.