Talk:UHF – Original Motion Picture Soundtrack and Other Stuff/GA1
GA Review[edit]
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
| GA toolbox |
|---|
| Reviewing |
Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch
Reviewer: LazyBastardGuy (talk · contribs) 22:06, 5 September 2013 (UTC)
I love this album. I'll do this review.
Getting the easy stuff out of the way first:
- The article has two images; cover art's source website appears to be a dead link and seems a tad dark anyway. (The album I have is dark gray around the borders rather than black.) Second picture, of Mark Knopfler, seems OK.
- Looking over the edit history, things seem peaceful. Groovy.
Now for the hardcore stuff, starting with overall writing.
- Lead paragraph
- Seems like the mention of "UHF" the single is slightly out of place. Just looking at it, it seems wrong to me.
- Well, coming back from Bad Hair Day which as you said does follow the trend and where it does not seem so out of place, I guess my reasoning here is since the single had no fanfare, it looks kind of bad right there. I guess it doesn't seem like such a defining feature of the album that readers might be familiar with (like how "Smells Like Teen Spirit" was the monster smash from Nevermind). Just IMO, it seems like it would fit better at the end of the second paragraph there, but I suppose even if you left it that wouldn't hinder a GA status. LazyBastardGuy 03:24, 6 September 2013 (UTC)
- "Jabs" seems inappropriate for a WP article.
- "The album also features many "style parodies," or musical imitations that come close to, but do not copy, existing artists. These style parodies include imitations of specific artists like the Harry Chapin, as well as imitations of various musical genres like blues." Seems very clunky.
- Billboard should be italicized.
- "The UHF soundtrack is one of Yankovic's few studio albums..." seems an awkward way to start-off a sentence.
- What means "domestic studio album"?
- Production
- The dashes in the first sentence enclosing the phrase "co-written by his manager Jay Levey" seem unnecessary. In fact, I would almost say you could get away with not having any kind of punctuation there to isolate that phrase.
- "filmed featured" --> film starred (typo, "starred" sounds smoother)
- "Surprisingly" referring to the character's success seems POV.
- "floundering studio" - needs a "the" right before it.
- "Although the movie made a little over six million domestically—out of a budget of five million"... what currency? And "a little over" seems a bit informal, but I could be wrong and this just seems like a nitpick. And the dashes need spaces before and after to give the words room to breathe, so to speak.
- "Once again, former The McCoys guitarist Rick Derringer was brought in to produce the album; this, however, would be Derringer's last production credit..." seems like you could take out "this, however," and replace it with "but this" and get rid of the semicolon.
- "Backing" seems informal. Needs a better word. I suggest, "Recording with..."
- This isn't that important, but I think the second occurrence of the word "yielded" should be replaced by "resulted in".
- "...and thus "Let Me Be Your Hog" was recorded." First, isn't "Let Me Be Your Hog" a parody? Of an Iggy Pop and the Stooges song, if I recall correctly? If so, this isn't an original - and the aforementioned phrase needs to be replaced with something that indicates Yankovic got the rights to this song.
- "The lyrics of the song [UHF]..." I think it was more than the lyrics of the song which lampooned the concept of a station promotional campaign. Further, I think this sentence and the one before it should be joined to say, "Yankovic then recorded the theme from his movie, the titular "UHF", written in the style of a TV station's large promotional campaign."
- "Three months later, on May 24, 1989, Yankovic recorded three more originals."
- Which planet are the mutated hamsters terrorizing again?
- "The second original song recorded," no need for "recorded".
- "The final original song recorded for the album was "Generic Blues". This song was Yankovic's attempt to write..." You could cut the period and "This song was" and just replace all that with a comma.
- "Mentioned" might be better as "listed". Might. I don't know - I don't have that source handy.
- "and to this date, only" which date? Wording like this should be avoided.
- "...and is a re-imagining Mahatma Gandhi as the hero" --> "...which reimagines Mahatma Gandhi..."
- "The skit is a spoof of the theme..." could be joined to the previous sentence in that paragraph with just "spoofing" and a comma.
- "Entitled" seems clunky. I think you could just say it's "called".
- "These short segments were originally featured in the UHF film as commercials. In fact, several skits that were featured in the film, such as "Plots 'R Us" and "Conan the Librarian" did not make it onto the album." This might be better-written as "These short segments were used in the film as commercials; other commercial segments, such as "Plots 'R Us" and "Conan the Librarian", were not used on the album."
- "The song features the slightly-altered lyrics of The Beverly Hillbillies theme song set to..." --> The song features the lyrics of The Beverly Hillbillies theme song altered slightly and set to..."
- "kindly insisted" seems POV.
- Jim West hasn't been mentioned in awhile and just to remind readers who he is you might need to insert at least his first name into the sentence, "According to Yankovic, West had practiced the song for weeks..." and at most, identify him once again as the guitarist.
- Anytime you identify the movie rather than the song you need to italicize it. So "Yankovic revealed in the DVD commentary for UHF..."
- Did Yankovic just start "Spam" that day or did he finish it on that day as well?
- "a pastiche of "Wild Thing" by Tone Lōc. The song is about a girl..." --> "a pastiche of "Wild Thing" by Tone Loc, about a girl..."
- "is referred to in the lyrics..." --> "is referenced in the lyrics..."
- "The final parody, "She Drives Like Crazy"..." (missing comma in bold)
- Album title should be italicized, not in quotes (which is reserved for song titles only).
- Reception
- Are you sure you can't find more reviews for this? If you can, this section needs some embellishing.
- Other than that, last two complaints for the lead paragraph are echoed here.
- Track listing
- Songs that are parodies should preface whatever songs they parody with "Parody of..."
- Charts and certifications
- If this is the only chart position you can find, you don't need this section; you've already got it covered under "Reception".
Article seems fairly balanced and neutral, save for any POV concerns I noted above. Additionally, if any part of the article goes overboard on the details, I certainly didn't catch it.
Now, for sourcing. Hoo boy. Three things jump-out at me as I look over them:
- Most sources come from an officially-affiliated Yankovic source. In fact, two of them have been milked for information.
- It is true that a majority of the sources are from officially-affiliated items, but most of them have been professionally published either through an editor, DV distributor, or record label (The Permanent Box liner notes, the record itself, the DVD, the trading cards, the books, etc). Also, there is no policy against mining sources, and its generally encouraged (if one can squeeze info out).--Gen. Quon (Talk) 02:00, 6 September 2013 (UTC)
- There are few sources overall, but an absurd proportion of officially-affiliated ones.
- Like I pointed out above, the majority of the officially-affiliated sources come from ones that have been professionally released. I could see the "Ask Al" sources being slightly problematic, but they have been accepted before, and there is no policy against self-published sources, just as long as the publisher ("Weird Al" Yankovic, in this case) is notable and reliable. So far, none of this "Ask Al" answers have been malicious or erroneous. I checked out WP:SELFPUB before I nominated this article to check, and the Ask Al sources pass all five of the necessary requirements (also, they only make up 1/5 of the sources). If there is something that you'd like to see backed-up by a third party source, I could try to find some.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 02:00, 6 September 2013 (UTC)
- I don't think Amazon.com listings are considered viable sources on WP.
At this point, the article is not GA-material... yet. It's too far along, I think, for me to fail it right away, so I'm putting it on hold for one week. I'll look over it later and determine if the changes made are satisfactory; if not, I won't hold it any longer and I'll fail it. If they are, you'll have a GA. Good luck.
- I have made the requested changes/clarified some points. How does the article look now?--Gen. Quon (Talk) 02:00, 6 September 2013 (UTC)
- Lookin' good, real good. Just a few more nitpicks. Also, like I said, if the album only ever had one chart position (unless you can find a few from, say, Finland or Fiji), it shouldn't stand on its own like that. You've already got it covered in the Reception section, so you don't need it down here. LazyBastardGuy 03:24, 6 September 2013 (UTC)
- OK, I removed the chart section and I *think* I got all the nitpicky stuff, as well as the stuff I just missed the first time. How does it look now?--Gen. Quon (Talk) 05:01, 6 September 2013 (UTC)
- There were a few things but all of them were minor, so I took care of them myself. If you called me a grammar nazi, I wouldn't take offense. ;) Congratulations - I'm ready to pass this as GA. Tomorrow I will get to the other "Weird Al" articles you've nominated (I've already claimed them as the primary reviewer). LazyBastardGuy 05:23, 6 September 2013 (UTC)
- OK, I removed the chart section and I *think* I got all the nitpicky stuff, as well as the stuff I just missed the first time. How does it look now?--Gen. Quon (Talk) 05:01, 6 September 2013 (UTC)
- Lookin' good, real good. Just a few more nitpicks. Also, like I said, if the album only ever had one chart position (unless you can find a few from, say, Finland or Fiji), it shouldn't stand on its own like that. You've already got it covered in the Reception section, so you don't need it down here. LazyBastardGuy 03:24, 6 September 2013 (UTC)
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.