Talk:Ultralight Beam/GA1

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

GA Review[edit]

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Aoba47 (talk · contribs) 17:57, 19 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Grabbing this for a review. Aoba47 (talk) 17:57, 19 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Infobox and lead

I do not see the need for the references in the infobox (i.e. the references for the genre and the songwriters). This information should be present in the body of the article and sourced. I understand the notes, and would encourage you to keep them as they currently stand.
I would remove this part (, released in February 2016.) and just put the year in parenthesis after the album.
For this part (West first performed the song live on Saturday Night Live the day before the album's release), put the date as the album release date is not clearly specified in the lead.
For this part (, complete with the artists that performed on the song.), I would replace (, complete with) with just (with) for more concise language.
I do not believe the first half of this sentence (Although the song was not released as a single, it charted in multiple countries in 2016.) is necessary, especially considering the timing in which the song was released. It is not uncommon for album tracks by major artists to chart even if they are never released as singles. I would remove the first half, and expand on what you mean by “multiple countries”.
The references in the second paragraph are not necessary as the information should be present and cited in the body of the article.
I am not a fan of the usage of this quote "is about Kanye's faith in God. Whenever he's down or feels he can't fight any more, he searches for the light and knows, in God's hands, everything will be alright.”. It is a good quote that could be used in the body of the article, but please paraphrase it for the lead.
- All done. BeatlesLedTV (talk) 02:29, 20 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  - Thank you. Aoba47 (talk) 04:07, 20 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
I did not notice this until doing a second read-through, but the genre "gospel rap" is not discussed in the body of the article and it is not supported by a reference. If there is not a reference to support this, then the genre will have to be removed as it would be considered original research at that point. Aoba47 (talk) 16:34, 20 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
- I originally had a reference for that but I removed it when you said to remove refs in the infobox. The ref I had actually just says it gospel influenced, not "gospel rap". So I'll just change the genre to "hip hop" and "gospel". BeatlesLedTV (talk) 20:37, 20 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  - Please include a clear sentence in the body of the article that states that the song is gospel influenced rap as it is not present yet. Also, if a reference does not clearly identify this song as a gospel song, you cannot call it a gospel song or include gospel in the genre parameter of the infobox. Aoba47 (talk) 22:40, 20 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
    - I found a clear reference & added it to the composition section. I also found another reference that describes the song as having elements of soul music so I added that too. BeatlesLedTV (talk) 02:15, 21 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
      - Thank you for the addition! It is much better. However, I would recommend that you remove gospel and soul from the infobox. A critic saying that the song contains elements of those two genres does not mean that the song is a part of these two genres. Aoba47 (talk) 02:35, 21 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
        Done. BeatlesLedTV (talk) 03:42, 21 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Composition

I am not sure what you mean by “pious child” in the context of this sentence (The song begins with a sampled voice of a pious child from the social media site Instagram.).
- Pious in this case means she shows a spirit of reverence for God or wishes to fulfill religious obligations. Should I use a different adjective? BeatlesLedTV (talk) 02:29, 20 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  - I am aware of the definition. I am just not sure if the word choice is appropriate as I am not certain if it is objective by Wikipedia's standards. Aoba47 (talk) 04:03, 20 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
    - My bad. I just removed it for now. BeatlesLedTV (talk) 21:01, 20 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
Please use West’s full name on the first reference in the body of the article and link him.
Since you mention the lyrics in this section, “Composition and lyrics” would be a more apt title for this section.
You have Instagram linked multiple times in this section.
Please include the year in which Chi-Raq was released.
Could you expand on this sentence (Chance also comments on Spike Lee's film Chi-Raq, a film Chance has openly spoken out against.)? What are his comments/criticism of the film?
- Basically he's spoken out against the premise of the film. It's specifically in his lyrics. I added that fact & also referenced his tweet where he spoke out against it. BeatlesLedTV (talk) 02:29, 20 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  - Thank you. Aoba47 (talk) 04:07, 20 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
Please be consistent with how you refer to Chance the Rapper after you first introduce him. In this section, you reference him as “Chance” and “Chance the Rapper”. Please choose one or the other.
This is a clarification question for this sentence (Bieber, however, does not appear on the final version.). Was there a reason that Bieber was removed from the final version?
- I haven't found a main reason for why he wasn't included. I read that he recorded a cappella for it. I believe I mention that in the recording section. As this song was worked on basically until it was released I imagine West just didn't think his vocals fit. BeatlesLedTV (talk) 02:29, 20 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  - Makes sense. Just checking. Aoba47 (talk) 04:07, 20 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
I am confused by the structure of this section. You mention the sample in the first sentence of the first paragraph, yet you do not follow-up on it until the last paragraph. I would try to be more cohesive with this as there is no reason to separate the information like this.
- I do agree it seems out of place. But basically I wanted to describe the composition itself then focus on the samples as that entire paragraph is about the credited samples. I'll work on rewording it. BeatlesLedTV (talk) 02:29, 20 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  - I understand, but it still does not make sense to separate the information in this fashion. The full information about the sample should be in one space rather than spread across two difference paragraphs as I find it to be confusing to follow. Aoba47 (talk) 04:07, 20 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
    - How do you think I should arrange it? I do agree that it should be in one place but I feel I should still mention the song begins with it. Should I put all the samples above the actual composition? BeatlesLedTV (talk) 21:01, 20 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
      - It is honestly up to you. What I have done in the past was open with the information on the song's composition and then segue into the lyrics, but I would suggest you play around with it. Again, all of the information should be together to make it the most cohesive. Aoba47 (talk) 22:46, 20 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
        I rearranged the section. Please let me know if it can be better. Thanks! BeatlesLedTV (talk) 02:23, 21 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
        Thank you for rearranging it. I will give it a thorough read tomorrow if that is okay with you. Aoba47 (talk) 02:35, 21 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
        Yep absolutely! BeatlesLedTV (talk) 03:42, 21 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
I am not sure about the use of external links (i.e. the link to sheisnatalie’s instagram page) in the body of the article.
Please include the year in which Counter-Strike: Global Offensive was released.
It seems a little odd to me to put the section about the song’s composition before the section on its recording.
- All done. Added some comments above. BeatlesLedTV (talk) 02:29, 20 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  - Thank you. Aoba47 (talk) 04:07, 20 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Recording

I would think that this section should be the first one.
I am not a fan of the structure and tone of these sentences (As he programmed them, Watkins and Plain Pat went to Swiss Beatz's studio to get some tambourines. When they returned to the studio, West was there and was surprised they brought them. When Watkins began playing the tambourines during a run-through of the finished drum track, West loved it and wanted them in the song. Chance the Rapper was also in the studio at the time.). They read more like a story/narrative than a Wikipedia article. I would tailor this down.
You have Justin Bieber and Chance the Rapper linked several times in the body of the article.
I would remove “then” from the sentences as they do not add much for the reader’s understanding.
Kelly Price and Kirk Franklin are linked several times in the body of the article.
- All done except for restructuring. I'll get to that tomorrow. BeatlesLedTV (talk) 02:29, 20 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  - Thank you. Aoba47 (talk) 04:07, 20 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Meaning

I would combine this section with the “Composition” section to form a “Composition and lyrics” section. The structure of this article is a little odd to me.
You have The Fader linked multiple times in the body of the article.
- All done. BeatlesLedTV (talk) 02:29, 20 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  - Thank you. Aoba47 (talk) 04:07, 20 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Release and promotion

Unless you are using a full quote, then punctuation should be on the outside of quotation marks. See this for what I mean ("ended up stealing the show with his fire verse.”).
New York Times needs to be linked.
- All done. BeatlesLedTV (talk) 02:29, 20 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
After reading through the section again, I think that the Bieber information would be relevant in the "Recording" section as it is not really about the song's composition or its lyrics. Aoba47 (talk) 22:46, 20 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
- Done. BeatlesLedTV (talk) 02:15, 21 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Reception

Again, unlink Kelly Price.
I would separate the reception of Chance the Rapper’s verse into its own paragraph.
I would include a topic sentence for the second paragraph.
I would remove the “Year-end lists” subsection as the information is already in the prose.
I would rename this section to “Critical reception” as it focuses only on the songs’ critical reception.
- All done. BeatlesLedTV (talk) 02:29, 20 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  - Thank you. Aoba47 (talk) 04:07, 20 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Commercial performance

You need a section like this.
- How so? You mean describing how the song performed on the charts it charted on? BeatlesLedTV (talk) 02:29, 20 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  - Exactly; a song's commercial performance needs to be in the prose. Just the charts on their own does not cut it. Aoba47 (talk) 04:07, 20 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
    - Added this section. Please let me know if it sounds repetitive. BeatlesLedTV (talk) 20:33, 20 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Charts

This section should be after the “Credits and personnel” section.
- Done. BeatlesLedTV (talk) 02:29, 20 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  - Thank you. Aoba47 (talk) 04:07, 20 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]

References

For Reference 2, the title of the article should not be in all caps.
- Done. BeatlesLedTV (talk) 02:29, 20 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  - Thank you. Aoba47 (talk) 04:07, 20 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Final comments

Good job with this; my concerns are primarily with the structure. Once my comments are addressed, I will look through this again and most likely pass it. Aoba47 (talk) 18:25, 19 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
- Thank you so much for reviewing this! I addressed almost everything. I should have everything else done by tomorrow. I definitely agree the article needs some restructuring. It's my first GAN so I definitely don't have that much experience. Hopefully the future has more in store! Again thank you so much! BeatlesLedTV (talk) 02:29, 20 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  - Thank you for addressing everything so far. You have done a fantastic job with this, especially considering that it is your first GAN. Please let me know if you need any help with any future GAN projects! Aoba47 (talk) 04:07, 20 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
    - Aoba47 Thank you so much! I've also been archiving many of the urls for the article as that's what I've been doing for the featured lists I've been writing so I thought it would be appropriate here as well. BeatlesLedTV (talk) 21:01, 20 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Verdict

Thank you for addressing everything! I will ✓ Pass this. Aoba47 (talk) 16:38, 21 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.