Talk:Yusuf II of Granada/GA1
GA Review[edit]
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Reviewer: Amitchell125 (talk · contribs) 18:20, 5 October 2020 (UTC)
Hello HaEr48, happy to review the article for you.
Assessment[edit]
Great research, an interesting read, and the article is sound in many ways, but there's quite a lot of copy editing to sort (details to follow). Amitchell125 (talk) 16:27, 9 October 2020 (UTC)
Lead section / infobox[edit]
- Link Muhammad VII; Muhammad V in the infobox.
- Personally, I would amend ...the eleventh... - to ‘...the 11th…’ (MOS:NUMERAL says you can choose).
- A minor point, r. 1354–1359, 1362–1391? (ignore me if you want here).
- I would attempt to reduce the times Yusuf is mentioned by name (7 in the lead, 11 in ‘Return…’ and ‘Rule’, 8 in ‘Family’).
- Thanks for trying, I think it will do. Amitchell125 (talk) 19:26, 11 October 2020 (UTC)
Early life[edit]
- Too many examples of Muhammad? Consider using alternatives here, such as ‘the Sultan(’s}’, ‘his’, ‘him’.
- I would amend ...in Fez… to ‘...to Fez…’.
- Initially is redundant.
Return to al-Andalus[edit]
- The link to circumcision doesn’t lead to where you expect, I would amend it to ‘Khitan (circumcision)’.
- ...seven-year… should be ‘...seven years…’.
- The first 2 paragraphs deal with events when Yusuf was a boy of seven or younger – shouldn’t these go into the 'Early years' section?
- ...returned Ronda. - ‘...returned Ronda to him.’?
- Why 'Finally'?
- Because presumably there is a period of time between attempting to use him for bargaining, before they finally returned him without getting the desired concession? 18:38, 11 October 2020 (UTC)
- Afterwards,… - this sounds as if the brothers were born straight after he arrived back.
- Changed to "Later"
- this event is among the information historians used to deduce… - I would amend this to ‘this event has helped historians to deduce…’ or something similar.
- On 26 June 1363, Muhammad relieved Yahya ibn Umar, the shaykh al-ghuzat or the Chief of the Volunteers of the Faith, a corps of North African soldiers fighting for Granada, from his post. - needs to be rewritten to make it easier to follow, possible by moving ‘...the shaykh al-ghuzat or the Chief of the Volunteers of the Faith, a corps of North African soldiers fighting for Granada…’ down to the next sentence.
- the boy and two are redundant.
- ...longest reigns in the history of the dynasty. - could be simplified to ‘...dynasty’s longest reigns.’.
- At one point… - is vague. Is there a date available?
"*: No exact date but Vidal Castro mentioned it's around his age of majoriy. Mentioned. HaEr48 (talk) 18:38, 11 October 2020 (UTC)
Rule[edit]
- Duplicate link - Henry III.
- ...future… - ‘...the future…’.
- ...took the throne… and By principles… both need to be copy edited.
- ... had good relations - ‘... had maintained good relations….’?
- Early on, he imprisoned his father's vizier, the poet Ibn Zamrak, in a dungeon in Almería. - this could improved by saying, for example, ‘In the first year of his rule he imprisoned the poet Ibn Zamrak, who had been his father's vizier.’.
- ...this could have meant a servant, client or freedman… - would imo be better as a separate note.
- Redundant words that should be removed: against him; who managed to recruit a number of men to his side; new in ‘new peace treaty’; also in ‘also seemed’.
- ...which took place in the first year of his rule… - should imo be in the previous paragraph.
- ...future… - ‘...the future…’.
- ...and Muhammad recognised his father's authority. - may confuse readers. Consider amending to ‘...and Muhammad’s authority was recognised by his son.’.
- ... allowed them to go… - ‘... allowed them to appear…’ sounds better.
- ...and the provision was cancelled… - it’s not clear to me what this means.
Family[edit]
- ...born slightly later. - this sounds as if they were twins.
- ...he was the father… - who was ‘he’?
- Could you explain why Ismail III is not included in the list of Sultans at the bottom of the article. i.e. why he is a red link?
- For some reason not all sources include Ismail III in the list of Nasrid Sultans. Added a note to mentioned that (I haven't looked at Ismail III closely yet, so I don't have further explanations). It's likely that the person who started all the Wikipedia stubs, and the person who created the template worked from a source that does not mention him. HaEr48 (talk) 18:54, 11 October 2020 (UTC)
- I would add a template for (r. 1370–1394), there another in the next section to add as well.
- Your worry, unnecessary as it is, has been noted. Amitchell125 (talk) 19:30, 11 October 2020 (UTC)
Death[edit]
- Duplicate link - Yusuf III
- ...died relatively young… - I would simply provide an age, without commenting on his youth.
- It’s unusual to link part of a publication, and I would avoid it, as the link doesn’t provide extra information for Yusuf’s article.
- I would say ‘written by Fernán Sánchez, a Christian…’
- ...and considering that Fernán Sánchez wrote many similar stories of assassinations with poisoned clothes… - who considered this?
- ...Another modern historian… - I would amend this to ‘.The historian…’, as it sounds as if you are talking about someone who is an expert on modern history.
Citations[edit]
- A minor point, but I would have 'Citations' and 'Bibliography' in separate level 2 sections, not as subsections.
- A url is available for Arié here.
- Oops. Amitchell125 (talk) 19:31, 11 October 2020 (UTC)
On hold[edit]
I'm putting the article on hold for a week until 17 October to allow time for any issues to be addressed. Regards, Amitchell125 (talk) 17:23, 9 October 2020 (UTC)
- Amitchell125, Thank you for your review. I've responded above, and let me know if you have more feedback. HaEr48 (talk) 18:54, 11 October 2020 (UTC)
Done[edit]
...and it's GA. Great work as usual, HaEr48. Regards, Amitchell125 (talk) 19:35, 11 October 2020 (UTC)