Talk:Yvonne Andersen
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Untitled[edit]
Some revisions necessary. “Her books on animation have been said to have good ideas on animated film-making and are good for beginners in film-making.” - This sentence is a bit awkwardly worded. Consider revising in order to make it flow better. The article is well written and adheres to style set out by Wikipedia. Above I have quoted a sentence in your article under the Career section that is awkwardly worded and should be reconsidered. Make sure to go through your article carefully before publishing it to check for any minor errors of spelling and grammar. Otherwise this is in good shape! Batcow39 (talk) 16:34, 21 February 2018 (UTC)
Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment[edit]
This article is or was the subject of a Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment. Further details are available on the course page. Student editor(s): 50Fetch. Peer reviewers: Alienautopsy.
Above undated message substituted from Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org assignment by PrimeBOT (talk) 05:24, 18 January 2022 (UTC)
Alienautopsy's Peer Review[edit]
Good intro paragraph. You have informative sources and have used the citations effectively. Great job!
My suggestions are to pay attention to your sentence structure. You use the passive voice quite a bit which sometimes makes the sentence sound awkward. For example, "Andersen animated films were shot with 16 mm film, and she used "pixillation, cutouts, and puppet animation" in them." could be changed to: "Andersen shot her animated films on 16 mm film and used "pixillation, cutouts, and puppet animation" in them."
also: "Over a dozen films were created by her students in The Yellow Ball Workshop between 1963-1980." could be reworded into something like "Between 1963-1980, the Yellow Ball Workshop produced over a dozen films."
A couple other sentences stood out to me that should be reworded. For example: "Her books on animation have been said to have good ideas on animated film-making and are good for beginners in film-making" maybe swap out one of the usages of "good" with a different word like "useful"
Alienautopsy (talk) 02:36, 23 February 2018 (UTC)Alienautopsy