Template:Did you know nominations/Clare Wheatley

The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was: promoted by Cwmhiraeth (talk) 06:14, 6 January 2018 (UTC)

Clare Wheatley[edit]

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... that Arsenal Ladies player Clare Wheatley took over club's development officer and general manager roles from Vic Akers after he had told her "Arsenal Ladies is not a social club"? Source: WFA

Reviewed: Macht hoch die Tür

Created by The C of E (talk). Self-nominated at 13:20, 28 November 2017 (UTC).

Decent bio (without saying much about her as a person, though), on good sources, no copyvio obvious. Hook: please avoid the repetition of the club's name, rather tell us what she played which could be cards or golf ;) I think there's no relation between the two things, so suggest to say "Akers who had told her". I am open to a completely different hook because it says more about him than her. - Article: please go over it, looking for repetition (joined , following, retirement). I guess there more elegant ways than "which meant that" and "able to take over his role". The quote from the hook needs something, can't follow the name, I'd think. These are only suggestions, not relevant for approval, but once I look ... - Thank you for review of the hymn! --Gerda Arendt (talk) 11:46, 1 December 2017 (UTC)

I have altered the hook. You have to say the club name twice as it is the quote that is forcing the repeat, not the full hook. Personally I am fine with leaving the hook as it is. The C of E God Save the Queen! (talk) 18:33, 1 December 2017 (UTC)

ALT1: ... that football player Clare Wheatley took over as Arsenal Ladies' development officer and general manager roles from Vic Akers who had told her "Arsenal Ladies is not a social club"?

Thank you, I made it ALT1. If the hook has the club's name, put it in front, no? How is this:

ALT2: ... that footballer Clare Wheatley succeeded Vic Akers, who had told her that "Arsenal Ladies is not a social club", as development officer and general manager?

approve all three, let the prep builder choose, --Gerda Arendt (talk) 21:57, 1 December 2017 (UTC)

ps: after removing some repetition, we are at 1508 characters. You are welcome to add a bit, such as more lead, but please not by repetition ;) - sorry about repeating repetition. --Gerda Arendt (talk) 22:12, 1 December 2017 (UTC)