Template:Did you know nominations/Comme un garçon

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The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was: promoted by Cwmhiraeth (talk) 06:29, 28 December 2017 (UTC)

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Comme un garçon[edit]

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  • ... that feminists can be horrified to discover what Sylvie Vartan's song "Comme un garçon" is about?
    Source: «Feminists must have been horrified to discover what her songs were about: // Comme un garçon j'ai les cheveux long [...] // From “Comme Un Garçon”» (link)

Created/expanded by Moscow Connection (talk). Self-nominated at 23:54, 22 November 2017 (UTC).

  • At 1,252 characters, article is not long enough. The translated lyrics shouldn't be included in their entirety, as they're likely copyrighted. For the hook, I'd prefer if it was identified as a quote by enclosing in quotation marks. --Paul_012 (talk) 05:11, 26 November 2017 (UTC)
    • I've expanded the article and shortened the quote from the song. --Moscow Connection (talk) 23:17, 29 November 2017 (UTC)
    • By the way, the translated lyrics were tweaked a little by me. I've just tweaked them a bit more. I can change them some more if you like. --Moscow Connection (talk) 00:49, 30 November 2017 (UTC)
    • ALT1: ... that "feminists must have been horrified to discover" what Sylvie Vartan's song "Comme un garçon" was about? --Moscow Connection (talk) 23:17, 29 November 2017 (UTC)
    • I don't really like these quotation marks at seemingly random places, so here are three more alternatives:
      ALT2: ... that feminists "must have been horrified" to find out what Sylvie Vartan's song "Comme un garçon" was about?
      ALT3: ... that feminists can be "horrified to discover" what Sylvie Vartan's song "Comme un garçon" is about?
      ALT4: ... that feminists can be "horrified" to find out what Sylvie Vartan's song "Comme un garçon" is about? --Moscow Connection (talk) 03:56, 30 November 2017 (UTC)
      • Moscow Connection, I think the lyrics probably shouldn't be shown as a block at all. It wouldn't matter if it's a different translation, it'd still be a derivative of the French original. At most, a few lines could be mentioned within the text describing the song. Also, the article flow isn't very good; the Composition section is a bit difficult to understand, though not so much as to be an issue for DYK. (Try reducing the paragraph breaks so that most paragraphs contain more than one sentence.) Otherwise, the article is new and long enough, hooks are verified. I'll leave it to the closing volunteer to choose the best wording. --Paul_012 (talk) 20:12, 30 November 2017 (UTC)
        • Excuse me for the delay. I will get to it on Monday. --Moscow Connection (talk) 02:40, 3 December 2017 (UTC)
        • 1. I've tried to make the "Composition" section a bit more coherent, but I don't think it's there yet... Is it better now? Should I maybe ask someone for a copyedit? (The problem is that I don't even know myself what I want to say with this article.)
          2. The lyrics aren't shown as a block anymore. Is the article okay in that respect? --Moscow Connection (talk) 07:41, 5 December 2017 (UTC)
          • The prose could use some copyediting, but I think the article's good enough for DYK now. --Paul_012 (talk) 08:00, 5 December 2017 (UTC)
  • @Paul 012: "prose that could use some copyediting" does not belong on the main page. Yoninah (talk) 21:36, 14 December 2017 (UTC)
  • Yoninah, I retract those comments (though of course it's also up to your judgment.) --Paul_012 (talk) 21:49, 14 December 2017 (UTC)
  • @Paul 012: I read the whole article and found it very chatty. I did some editing for encyclopedic tone. This line in particular needs to be dealt with–it's narrative, not a quote: Yet we see that Vartan, who really matured (turned into a provocative young woman with a sensual voice) in the two years she had been married to Johnny Hallyday,[5] didn't become a "frenzied feminist".[1] Also, what does "re-becomes" mean? Yoninah (talk) 22:16, 14 December 2017 (UTC)
  • Thank you, the prose looks a lot more encyclopedic now. Full review: New enough, long enough, neutrally written, well referenced, no close paraphrasing see in online and English sources. ALT1 hook ref verified and cited inline. I enclosed "feminists" in the quote, as it is written that way in the source. QPQ done. ALT1 good to go. Yoninah (talk) 21:04, 26 December 2017 (UTC)
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