Template:Did you know nominations/Tonya Kinzinger

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The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was: rejected by BlueMoonset (talk) 00:06, 22 June 2016 (UTC)
Withdrawn by nominator

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Tonya Kinzinger[edit]

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Tonya Kinzinger
Tonya Kinzinger

Created by Nvvchar (talk). Self-nominated at 12:25, 3 June 2016 (UTC).

  • Article is long enough. It is written from a neutral POV. While there are inline citations in the article, the facts contained in the hook are not specifically cited in the article. In order to promote this article for DYK, there would need to be a citation for the hook. Also, the QPQ on this article hasn't been completed yet. Amgisseman(BYU) (talk) 20:58, 3 June 2016 (UTC)
  • Amgisseman(BYU) Thanks for the review. Reference fixed to the hook text in the article.Nvvchar. 07:33, 7 June 2016 (UTC)
  • The article looks good. However, there is a deletion discussion about the article. If kept, it looks good enough to me to post for DYK. Amgisseman(BYU) (talk) 18:51, 7 June 2016 (UTC)
  • Also, could a more interesting hook be found? The current hook isn't interesting in the slightest. 97198 (talk) 09:13, 9 June 2016 (UTC)
  • PFHLaiAfd tag has been removed. 97198 Here is a suggestion of an
  • ALT1 Hook ...that Tonya Kinzinger (pictured), pursuing a career in acting in France, initially received acclaim and fame for the film Dancing Machine, acting with Alain Delon?
Nvvchar. 04:03, 11 June 2016 (UTC)
  • Time to re-review. --PFHLai (talk) 12:28, 11 June 2016 (UTC)
    • New enough (created by Nvvchar on 1 June 2016), long enough (1,742 characters "readable prose size"), fully referenced. QPQ done. Main hook okay, verified against online source (although I had to change the article). ALT1 hook (and, for that matter, the article) contradicts the source: Après une apparition dans le film Dancing Machine, aux côtés d’Alain Delon, Tonya connaît la célébrité lorsqu’elle rejoint le casting de Sous le Soleil. Image fine, on Commons with an appropriate licence. Hawkeye7 (talk) 06:21, 14 June 2016 (UTC)
  • Hawkeye7 I have gone by the text from electronic Google Translate version. Kindly suggest the correct version so that I can make the changes in the article and the hook. Thanks.Nvvchar. 06:55, 14 June 2016 (UTC)
Sorry, I thought you could read French. I would translate this as: "After an appearance in the film Dancing Machine along with Alain Delon, Tony became a celebrity since she joined the cast of Under the Sun". So it is saying that she became a celebrity from appearing in Under the Sun, not Dancing Machine. Suggest:
ALT2 ...that Tonya Kinzinger (pictured), an American actor pursuing a career in France, became famous in the role of Jessica in the TV series Sous le soleil (Under the Sun)?
(The article should be changed too.) Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:43, 14 June 2016 (UTC)
  • Thanks, Hawkeye7. I have made the necessary change in the text. Your ALT2 hook suggestion is fine.Nvvchar. 06:19, 15 June 2016 (UTC)
New reviewer required! Hawkeye7 (talk) 06:41, 15 June 2016 (UTC)
I have some concerns about this article (also a French speaker by the way).
  • Sources 4 and 5 do not appear to meet WP:RS. To be honest I'm not thrilled about Voici or Public_ either
  • Parts of this article are quite choppy and require copyediting ("She followed it up with learning at a well known dancing school", multiple repetitions of "she acted").
  • Hawkeye7 is correct that both [1] and [2] say she gained attention after her role in Sous le soleil and not Dancing Machine; this should be reflected in the article before it can be used as a hook. However, I think "became famous" is quite subjective and may not be suitable for a hook
  • There are several clear instances of mistranslation
    • "After her return to the US she pursued her education and obtained Bachelor of Arts degree" - the source says "De retour aux Etats-Unis pour y passer son bacca­lau­réat"; in France, a baccalaureat refers to a high school diploma ("Upon returning to the United States to finish high school")
    • "2012, she along with Matthew Delormeau presented the Star Academy 9 award on NRJ 12 network" from "elle co-préside avec Mathieu Delor­meau la 9e saison de Star Academy" ("she hosted season 9 of Star Academy with Mathieu Delormeau"). Note Star Academy is not an award but a series similar to American Idol
    • "In 2014 she participated in a dance competition along with five others in the survole la compétition"?? What is the "survole la compétition" ("soared over the competition")? The source says she was on Dancing with the Stars
  • In the future, I would avoid writing articles based primarily on a Google translation of sources in a language you don't actually speak. The machine translations often mangle the intent of the source Intelligentsium 23:36, 19 June 2016 (UTC)
    • Also, not sure where you got "before moving to France to pursue a career in acting" - all the sources say she wanted to become a comedian. Intelligentsium 23:48, 19 June 2016 (UTC)
    • I've performed the copyedit but this article reads like her CV. Some sourced analysis and biographical information would make this article more encyclopaedic. Intelligentsium 00:03, 20 June 2016 (UTC)
  • Intelligentsium Thanks for the final review. I based this article on Google translation only as my knowledge of French language is very very limited. I can not find more sources to add text. In view of this I would rather prefer to withdraw the article.Nvvchar. 04:24, 20 June 2016 (UTC)
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