Template:Did you know nominations/William Dempster

The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was: promoted by Yoninah (talk) 20:41, 2 January 2018 (UTC)

William Dempster[edit]

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Cpl. William Dempster, NWMP

... that ~~the Dempster Highway was named for North-West Mounted Police Corporal William Dempster, who found the Lost Patrol?~~

Comment: New article, related to recently improved Dempster Highway article.

Created by EronMain (talk). Self-nominated at 08:18, 27 November 2017 (UTC).

The article's long enough and the hook is okay. It seems to pass Earwig's detector (a low percentage is good, right?). However, I have some issues with The Lost Patrol section. For example, "After nine days searching" after the last date cited (December 21) makes it sound like they turned back on December 30 when the actual date was January 18. It also doesn't mention the fact that they were initially traveling in the opposite direction than they were accustomed to, which may have contributed to them getting lost, and that Fitzgerald's ego may have also played a part in the tragedy. There are also no sources for various details, e.g. "they were unable to find the route across the Ogilvie Mountains" and, less importantly perhaps, the names of the other three men in the lost patrol and the rescue party. Clarityfiend (talk) 09:28, 28 November 2017 (UTC)

Thanks for this review and feedback.

Regarding the detail around the Lost Patrol section (in the William Dempster article), I provided an abridged account of how the patrol got lost but wanted to focus on Dempster's expedition. I can add a bit more if the current text is confusing.

I will also review the sources for the other details.

- Eron^Talk 17:14, 28 November 2017 (UTC)

Okay, I have edited the article to address these comments - more detail has been added to the Lost Patrol section and references have been improved. - Eron^Talk 17:54, 28 November 2017 (UTC)

Much better. Might I suggest:

ALT1: ... ~~that North-West Mounted Police Corporal William Dempster found the Lost Patrol, an NWMP party that vanished in northern Canada in the winter of 1910-11?"~~ Clarityfiend (talk) 10:19, 29 November 2017 (UTC)

Thanks. Alt hook looks good to me. - Eron^Talk 17:22, 29 November 2017 (UTC)

New reviewer needed for ALT1. Yoninah (talk) 21:25, 9 December 2017 (UTC)

Also, shorter is hookier:
ALT1a: ... that North-West Mounted Police Corporal William Dempster (pictured) found the Lost Patrol? Yoninah (talk) 22:51, 14 December 2017 (UTC)

- Length, Date, Cite, QPQ Exempt, and Earwigs check. The Image appears to be public domain (either due to being Crown copyright or non-Crown copyrighted and created prior to 1949). ALT1a Approved. Mifter (talk) 08:45, 25 December 2017 (UTC)