User:JurassicDad35/Demaratus/Leonidas XIV Peer Review

Peer Review

Lead

Your lead includes more details than the current one and remains concise for the most part. And while there are some details about who receives Demaratus after his exile and how he is received that are not strictly necessary in the lead, I would still see this as a superior version as it captures a readers attention far better, well done.

Content

Early Life

Your additions to this section of the article are detailed, they are important to understanding the main text and provides context for this personage. I would argue that this is the best piece of your edition.

Reign

Overall what you have added to this section provides a greater context to the grievances between Demaratus and Leotychidas. This is a good first step. I would like to point out however, that the current article includes his exploits and dealings with the Achaemenid Persians. I would suggest you think about doing one of two things, specifying, through the use of sub headings, what part of this section concerns his reign in Sparta and his reign over areas of Asia Minor. Alternatively, you could move the information listed under the subheading “Demaratus and Xerxes” to the next section which should perhaps then be renamed, e.g. Demaratus in Exile.

Tone and Balance

While you overall tone is neutral and balances well in the flow of reading, I would like to point out that in your additions to the “Reign” section your write “to claim the throne because the latter was really not the son of Ariston, but Agetus [...]”, the problematic word because would denote that this was fact, when this is still a point of contention amongst historians as you point out in the “Early Life” section. I would advise you keep the current wording of “on the grounds that” as it does not carry the same implication and connotations as the word “because”.

Sources and References

While your soucre are generally in good order, I would like to alert you to three specific discrepancies. Firstly and secondly, “Perkalos” and “Chilon, son of Demarmenos” are incomplete links. Thirdly, you mention “Perkalos” twice in this section however, upon further examination of one of your previous sources it claims that it should be written as “Perkalon”.

General info

Whose work are you reviewing?

Reviewing the work of JurassicDad35

Link to draft you're reviewing

User:JurassicDad35/Demaratus

Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Demaratus

Evaluate the drafted changes

Overall this is good solid work on which you can build and extrapolate on well done.